"Your boyfriend is addicted to porn"

Photo by bea29sm

A few years ago I was faced with a dilemma: whether or not to warn my ex-boyfriend’s new girlfriend about his porn addiction. I had a pretty good idea he’d hide it, so I felt sorry for her and I wondered if I should help her out.

We’re all believers, and from a Christian perspective porn is a problem. Well, to him it was sort of a problem, but not serious enough to quit. This was the issue that had torn us apart and ended our relationship the previous year. When we finally broke up he said it had been a mistake to tell me about his porn issue in the first place. And he wasn’t going to make the same mistake twice.

When I shared this dilemma with some of my girl friends, I was surprised when one of them defended my ex-boyfriend. She almost warned him about the decision I was trying to make. I was stunned. Wouldn’t any girl want to know something like this long before she hands over her heart and the rest of her life on their wedding day?

Hypothetically, let’s say you haven’t met your future husband yet. He has an addiction to porn, and it’s a problem that’s pretty easy to hide. He has learned from the past that being honest about it brings only conflict. So he decides not to tell his future girlfriend about it.

Then he meets you.

You fall head over heels in love. He’s sweet, funny, hard working, handsome, goes to church every Sunday, yada yada. As far as you’re concerned, he’s the one you’ve been waiting for! He’s the man with whom you want to spend the rest of your life. He’ll be the father of your children, the one you grow old with.

Would you want to know his secret before saying your vows? And would you appreciate his ex-girlfriend telling you about it?

As for my own situation, I chickened out of saying anything. If his now-wife is ever hurt by something I could have prevented, I can already imagine how responsible and heartbroken I’ll feel.