Why Men Like to Have Sex

Warning: This post is rated PG-13.  It’s a little in your face today.  It’s a little crude.  So if you can’t take it, don’t read it.  But I challenge you, don’t dimiss what I am saying.  Read it.  It really might be of some help to you.  I’d also like to make this known.  It may seem that I am talking solely about my own marriage here.  I’m not.  The heart of what I am talking about is certainly right where I am in my marriage, but it seems to be a common theme for many of my friends and fellow bloggers.  Its a topic I have become fairly passionate about.  Are you ready?  Here we go…

A while back, I had written a post with my favorite title of all time.  I was so proud when I came up with it.  It was Sex Means More Than Sex Which Leads to More Sex.  In it, I busted the myth that Sex doesn’t mean as much to men as it does women, it just means something different.  And that for men, sex is really about the woman.  Then I gave some great tips that was mostly directed at the woman, but the couple would be wise to follow them together.

Well, I have recently come off of another great leadership retreat (different than Summit).  While I was there, I came to an understanding that I don’t think I realized before, and certainly I didn’t have great words for it before this retreat.  While what I learned was mostly spiritual, had to do with where I am in my faith, it crossed over so well to marriage (my own and others that I know of) that  I am compelled to write about it, but it is so close to SMMTSWLTMS, that this will really feel like its part two of that post.

One change though, today I am going to talk a lot about intimacy.  When I say Intimacy, you should read it to mean sex.  You should read it to mean close communion with another.  You should read it to mean unhidden, unbridled truth between two people.  And, I am going to generalize the statement that men like to have sex, a lot.  That said, I certainly recognize the plight of many women who have talked to me about the fact that they are ones with the higher drive and their husbands aren’t really interested.  (That’s another post all together that I’ll write about sometime.)

So here it is: Why men like to have sex.  Are you listening…er…reading?  Good…

The reason we want to have sex as much as possible with our wives is for one reason and one reason only :: Ladies, are you listening :: because we are all out, abso-freakin’-lutely, head over heals, in love with our wives.  (Even now I hear the men resounding with “Amens” while the women scoff).  But I’m telling you its true.

But here’s the deal ladies, we don’t want to just have sex– we want to have sex with you.  Why?  Because we love you.  And because we love you, we want to be intimate with you.  But we aren’t satisfied with an every-once-in-a-while kind of intimacy.

Let me go ahead and put this one to rest- we aren’t trying to have sex with you because we’ve got some biological condition that pumps us full of hormones and we go around with hard on’s all day.  Truly, if that were the case, if that’s all it was reduced to…we could find ways to take care of it.  In fact, I’d say that men everywhere for centuries have been finding ways to take care of it.  And the underlying reason most of the time is because the wife at home wasn’t being intimate and there came along someone else who was willing to be intimate.  Don’t believe me, check this out.  Anyway, back to the discussion at hand…

As I said, we want to be intimate with you simply because we love you with all of our being.  And we aren’t satisfied with an every-once-in-a-while kind of intimacy.  We desire an everyday, on fire, even-when-we’re-away-from-each-other kind of intimacy.  And sex is a part of it.  So is the communion of a couple.  The sharing of hearts.  The making time for each other.  Being intentional.  Everyday.

Hear me, simply loving is not enough.  The love is what unlocks the intimacy, but it is not intimacy itself.  But if you stop at merely loving your husband, loving your wife, and never experience intimacy, you are missing out on the meat of what it means to be married.

I recently read from another blog (wish I could remember which one) that said, “if you spend all your time stiff arming your husband, trying to keep him away from being intimate with you, then you are undermining your own marriage.”  By the way, I do remember that that was written by a woman.    It’s true.  It speaks incredible volumes to a man when his wife refuses him intimacy.  The opposite is also true.  It speaks incredible volumes to his heart when you do allow the intimacy to happen.

Intimacy- it’s a need in your man’s heart that ONLY YOU CAN MEET.  That’s why other women, affairs, pornography, and five fingered charlie are all such poor substitutes.

It’s like I said in SMMTSWLTMS, sex for a man is about you.  So here I say, intimacy is about being with you.  We don’t just want it, we want it with you.  It’s a next level kind of bond with the one that we chose, with the one that we would choose again, with the one that we said, “I do” to.

So how are you doing with it?  Have you had the discussion?  I’ve challenged you before and I’ll challenge you again- have the discussion- ask the hard question- how’s it going in our sex life?

I’ll be real blunt about it- when it comes to couples with two different sex drives, go with the one who’s sex drive is higher.  These roles typically reverse through out the course of the marriage.  A blogger friend of mine put it this way, how often have you been intimate with your spouse and regretted it?  It means so much, why in the world wouldn’t you do it? It’s even in the Bible (check I Corinthians 7 if you don’t believe me).

Again, how’s it going for you?  is it just sex?  Or is it intimacy?   Leave a comment.  We’d love to hear from you.