Pet Names

Nearly every couple I know uses “pet names” of some sort for each other.  I think, in general, it’s cute.  But as with all things cute, too much will kill you.  The following are too cute to use when company is over. 

1.  Daddy/Mommy -  If your spouse is not your biological parent, please don’t act as such.  If your spouse is your parent, start your own blog.  Immediately.

2. Pumpkin/Squash/Carrott - Really?  No, don’t tell us.  We do NOT want to know.

3.  Big Man/ Little Mama - Unless this is your CB handle, um..no.  Breaker. Breaker.

4.  Toot/Poot -  We can figure it out on our own. Thanks.  

5.  Lover- Eww.  We get it. You have “relations”.  Congratulations.

6.  Jelly Belly/Big Bertha-  Okay, these just sound insulting.  Get therapy.

7.  Pookie/ Snookums/ Fuzzy Kitten- PUH LEEZ!  Somebody grab me an epi pen! STAT!

8.  Tater Tot/ Oyster/ Ham Bone/ Pork Chop/ Cornbread-   Just… No. 

9.  Little Girl/ Baby Girl-  These are the catch phrases of the creepy people who end up on that Dateline show “To Catch a Predator”.

10.  Hot Stuff/ Hot Thing-  If your spouse is currently on fire, go ahead.  Otherwise? Cool it! (Pun intended)