source

I guess I always knew I would stay home with my kids, my mom did it and it only seemed right. My reasoning originally was that its cruel to have kids and drop them off at a day care to be looked after by strangers. But after much research, prayer, talking to other moms and listening to Pastor Mark Driscoll, we have been convinced and convicted that this is what God wants us to do.

“Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.”
Titus 2:4-5

As women, we are called to the ministry and job of raising and teaching our kids and making a home for our families as well as being helpers to our husbands. Just as men are called to lead and be the providers, we are called to be home makers. The Proverbs 31 woman (considered the model of a godly woman) is said to be called blessed by her husband and children, as she provides food, clothing, a clean and organised home and many other things. An interesting thing though, she does not necessarily provide nothing financially, she “works” from home (vs 16 and 24):

“She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard”

“She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.”

So there’s nothing stopping women from “working” but just from home. I must be honest that’s something I plan to do, with my make up and some crafts and sewing but I have yet to really get stuck in it (at 6 months pregnant though, its a bit harder than I though it would be to start a business up).

I will add now that if you have NO other option, like if you’re the sole bread winner or something (other than his own heart) is preventing your husband from being the provider, then of course, you have to work. But then if you can work from home at least mostly, then do it. I know I must seem mad, but Chris and I just said, there is NO way that we can hand our kids to someone else to raise, and then still pay for formula and nappies and day care and the extra medical bills that come with kid being in creche. There was no question, we have prayed about it, and the Lord has provided. You’d be amazed at how He provides when you let Him. This is our first month without my salary, but we have more than enough money to make it through. Yes, our budget got a bit cut, but all in all its worth it; Chris gets decent supper, and lunch, and I am not so tired that I can’t talk to him or spend time with him at night, so he can relax too. The house is clean, and I am way more relaxed and have time to make things for the house and baby, which in turn saves us A LOT of money. Its really worth checking what you would be able to save on, or live without when you don’t work. We save tons on petrol now as I don’t travel to work, and we save on “junk food” because I can make lunch and supper everyday. We don’t need a maid, as I do it. I don’t need to buy bedding, clothes and accessories for Elijah, because I am home to make all that stuff. The list goes on.

I’m not saying everyone can do this, but I do feel, as we’re called to be homemakers and mothers, its definitely the best to pray and think about it… and do all the sums you can, and TRUST THE LORD.

Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life.
Matthew 6:25-27

In closing, I want to urge you to check out some other SAHM’s blogs and learn from them, yes they are mostly in America, but one or two are South African. The basic principles remain the same, God called us to be workers at home.

Lindsay Edmonds – Passionate Homemaking
Stephanie Langford – Keeper of the Home
Taryn Hayes – Hayes Happenings
Rachel Boreing – Frugal and Simple
Sarah Mae – Like A Warm Cup Of Coffee

Check my blogroll for some more

Part of the reason I’ve not been blogging (on top of spiritual lethargy) is due to the fact that it’s a very, very busy time in my life: I just got engaged! My fiancée visited a few weeks ago, and he popped the question in a bookstore – very romantic. Suffice to say, we’ve been working on wedding planning.

My future father-in-law is a pastor, which means he’s doing the ceremony. He’s been wonderfully flexible, given that his son and I are not likely to pursue a traditional ceremony, but he raised the issue of the bride wearing white. This has sparked an inner debate for me, as I do not have strong feelings about wearing white and indeed am quote open to a variety of colors. Consider this my personal exploration of the issue.

To be sure, there are scriptural foundations for the bride wearing white. The basis for the claim is that the relationship between the husband and wife mirrors that of Christ and the church, and that as believers (the “bride of Christ”), we are washed “white as snow.” White symbolizes purity; the wife is, as it were, a pure gift for her husband. (Obviously, I start thinking, why doesn’t the groom wear white? Because shouldn’t the groom also be representing himself as pure for the bride?)

Of course, white dresses are supposed to be the mirror of an inward state: that is, a clean, pure heart before God. And I think we all know that plenty of brides who wear white do not have that inner heart attitude, just as many brides who wear color (in some form) surely do.

I think that if this has meaning for the bride and groom, it can be a beautiful thing. My main issue is that this is a suggestive tradition, not a prescriptive one. Just because sin leaves that crimson stain doesn’t mean that Christians refuse to don red, or indeed, that red isn’t found as a decorative color in many churches. And black is the powerful symbol of death, and yet we find black in churches and the clothing of churchgoers. And I know of many bridesmaids who have been dolled up in red and black by their friend, the Christian bride. So I can’t help but wonder if we take this color thing a little too far.

It seems like we pick and choose. Because the church is described as white, and because the bride represents the church, well then, we think, she should wear white! It seems we forget that the church is not literally white (whether we’re talking about the building and the people who fill it). Rather, it’s a beautiful metaphor, a visual clue for our limited human minds to help us fathom the greatness and wonder it is that God can look at us and, in Christ, find us clean and pure.

Incredible. Utterly incredible.

I think that the bride wearing white is a lovely symbol. (I think that a groom wearing white would be an even lovelier compliment, but, curiously, the church doesn’t seem too hung up on what the groom wears.)

But it’s dangerous to get so caught up in symbols that we forget what it is they’re representing. It can lead to thinking that if the symbol isn’t portrayed, then the purpose behind the symbol is also lacking. And nothing could be further from the truth.

The important thing for a Christian couple on their wedding day is not what they’re wearing. It’s the attitude of their hearts, towards each other and towards God. Christian weddings can – and do! – happen without the trappings of tradition: the dress, the flowers, the cake, the fancy readings. And those weddings are no less Real before Christ than are the ones that seek to include every tradition.

Here’s my question: if the bride’s heart is in a right condition towards Him and her future husband, is Christ displeased if she is not wearing white?

I cannot help but answer no. It is her heart and her faith that please him. Let us not be fooled into thinking that abiding by the traditions – however lovely they are – renders us obedient. Devotion to traditions can flirt with the line of legalism, of being bound by self-inflicted “rules.” (It is also worth noting that white wedding dresses are a largely Western custom.)

There are some subjects on which scripture is unfailingly clear (salvation, grace, “no one comes to the Father but through Me”). But on others, there is much silence, a point that has also been made by my future father-in-law. There is much said of marriage, but little of weddings.

Indeed, on the subject of weddings, the word of God leaves much room for interpretation. And just as there are Democrats and Republicans alike who are devout followers of Christ, so too are there “traditional” and “non-traditional” weddings which honor Christ as the center of that marriage.

The white wedding dress, then, is a choice – a beautiful choice, not a rule to be inflicted on every bride who follows Jesus. To those who defend its necessity, I feel compelled to ask a few questions:

1. What shade of white? Are cream, off-white, ivory, and champagne acceptable choices?
2. What color should the groom wear?
3. There are some colors that have powerful symbols in scripture (red = sin, black = death) – are these wise choices, if we are considering the symbology of colors in a Christian wedding?
4. Is it acceptable to have a color accent on the dress – for example, a blue sash or a gold lace overlay?
5. There are explicit injunctions to modesty in both the Old and New Testaments. Where do we draw the line? There are many dresses on the market that are backless, have slits, or that are tea-length or shorter – not to mention the mermaid/trumpet styles, which hug the curves before flaring out below the hips or knees. And what necklines are acceptable? Are strapless, sweetheart, portrait, halter, or otherwise “low” necklines modest?
6. There are also injunctions against extravagance. The following could be considered extravagant adornments: trains of any length, elaborate beading, antique lace, expensive fabrics, crinoline, lace overlays, fancy veils and headpieces, etc.
7. The cost of the dress. We are called to be wise stewards of our money, which begs the question of whether a four or five thousand-dollar dress that will be worn once is a wise investment.

A few things to consider.

(Please note that I’m pushing those questions and issues as far as I can – I don’t think tea-length dresses are immodest anymore than I think a blue crinoline is extravagant.)

Last but not least is the question of beauty. It is readily assumed that most brides, regardless of creed, ethnicity, political belief, sexual orientation, or lifestyle, want to feel beautiful in a way that is authentic to themselves. And frankly, all women do not feel beautiful wearing white. There are women for whom pure “wedding white” is an intensely unflattering shade. And then, there is a more serious question – for example, if a woman was assaulted in a white outfit and so does not want to wear a white wedding dress. On the day when her heart is to be pure and clean before the Lord and her future husband, would you insist that she wear a color that brings back memories that make her feel anything but? This is a hypothetical question, but the point is made (and to those who say “well, she should have sought counseling, etc. before marrying,” I say, healing from bad experiences does not mean totally forgetting them).

Because, and this is so important, I don’t think you can read the Song of Solomon and say that Christ does not want the bride to feel beautiful. The state of her heart is important – but so too is feeling beautiful. Indeed, He extols His bride as beautiful time and time again.

Song of Solomon 4:1, 7, 9

How beautiful you are, my darling!

Oh, how beautiful!

Your eyes behind your veil are doves.

Your hair is like a flock of goats

descending from Mount Gilead….

All beautiful you are, my darling;

there is no flaw in you….

You have stolen my heart, my sister, my bride;

you have stolen my heart

with one glance of your eyes,

with one jewel of your necklace.

On my wedding day, I will promise lifelong commitment, fidelity, and love to my beloved. We will make vows to each other before witnesses and, most importantly, our savior, Jesus Christ, the third (and central) cord of our relationship. And we will become one, man and wife, united in this life until we are parted.

What I’m wearing is really not that important.

A dear friend of mine was shipped off to Japan this week for a three-ish year stay with her husband, who is stationed there with the Army.  She had a one-week notice to book the flight, get all things in order, and throw her own going away party.  (Had I still lived locally, I would have thrown the party fo sho!)  Originally, she had two months to plan the same move; she’d even joined a fitness routine.  She had plans to visit me, too.  All plans were thwarted when she got the news that her hubby was forgoing Ranger school to move on with his career.

I almost fell apart at the news.

Technically, I probably did fall apart.  In the hot shower.  For many many minutes.  I was angry.  I was prepared for her to leave in October.  That date worked for me; we had September to get together before she left.  All was good.

At any rate, my darling and supportive husband suggested I take a half day off of helping him with ministry stuff on Saturday so I could attend her party (and, on the way, see my pops for his big fiftieth birthday).  At the party, I got to see a few other friends.  Hugs were shared.  (I love hugs.  Don’t you?)  My friends back home are still the dearest, save Mr. Dimples, to my heart.  One friend, Cindy, asked me: “So, how’s life?”

“Everything’s different,” I told her.  “Everything.”

She repeated my sentiment to my nearby matron of honor.  “Everything’s different; did you hear that?”

It’s true.  Here’s a list (along with the rants… sorry to be a downer), just so I can get it off my chest to my safe audience:

1. Radio.  Back home, I had Air1 and KLOVE on my radio.  These radio stations didn’t just play Christian music, they spoke about Christ, what He did for us, and how He is still at work in our lives.  The wimpy station around this big city plays the Christian music but doesn’t fill in the gaps with Bible-based encouragement, reminders, and news.  They are family friendly, which is a good thing, but they lack sorely.  So, I stick with listening to my faves online and wish my speakers would be repaired so I can listen to my CDs.
2. The crib. I had a brand new condo in a safe neighborhood, complete with brand-name, tidy appliances.  My ceilings were vaulted; the rooms were big and the roomy closets just made sense.  Our HOA had a pool.  Now, I’m in a 20-year-old townhouse apartment with gray-ish-nothing carpet, dated and ugly wall paper, a sliding door (unsafe!), and mismatching appliances that are not new (except the low-grade dish washer that was replaced this week).  There have been a string of break-ins in the area and I miss my garage.  There is no pool and it is HOT.
3. Job.  I have a new job.  I’m grateful to God for provisions.  For sure (if you follow, you know).  The teens I teach are terrible.  They laugh at me.  I mean, I’m used to being laughed at for telling terrible jokes (I like puns!).  I cannot stand the disrespectful laughing defense mechanism they, as low-income students, use.  As a recent facebook status said, I am not sure I can “can muster, find, or invent a passion for teaching the perpetually and unrepentantly disrespectful.”  While I love the other teachers with whom I work, the students are frustrating me endlessly.  I miss my middle class kids deeply, truly.  PS: There’s no air conditioning at this school. The outside temperature was over 90 every day this week so far!
4. Roads.  Construction is almost over but, in the mean time, I’m frustrated by local drivers who drive selfishly in the orange barrel lanes.  Quit it!  I almost always arrive home irritated by other drivers who cut me off in my car that has crappy radio.  I don’t know how many times I’ve been cut off by a car who puts their turn signal on after they are halfway in my lane.  Who the? What the?!  Eek!
5. Church.  I’m no longer in a traditional church.  My husband is that pastor who is temporarily serving between two locations.  One church is for people my age, but is where Mr. Hottieface will serve less often; the other church is college-aged and we will be there about nine months out of the year.  I’m adjusting to not having that immediate mentorship with which I’ve been accustomed and, as posted previously, waiting for the school year to start for the college so that I can settle in.
6. Music.  What the heck?  I love music and there is almost no good music in my life.  The church’s band is lacking in experience and, again, there’s terrible Christian radio around here.  I don’t even have music buddies here who will talk music with me.  I don’t have music playing regularly because it interrupts work time and, more importantly, I don’t have a anything with speakers besides a TV and a computer.  My next house will have speakers built-in!
7. Sleep.  Who knew it would take so much work to sleep when you’re a married woman?  I didn’t.  Mr. Dimples will certainly let me sleep if I announce a nap, but if I lay down to nap, I’m often too cute for Loverboy to leave me alone.  It’s cute.  Very cute.  And we end up getting to bed late for various reasons: late dinner, movie is longer than usual, etc.  I’m working in a sauna; I need to start going to bed earlier.  We try, for sure.  But we also enjoy, um, being newlyweds in every sense of the word. 0:)
8. Food.  I eat more regularly.  Mostly, this is a good thing.  However, I’m hoping this doesn’t cause weight gain that makes me unhappy.  I wouldn’t be gaining anything if it weren’t for baby-preventing medications.
9. Local TV.  I don’t know anything about the local television stations.  I’ll learn over time, of course, but in the mean time, I can’t find any local TV that I like.  We usually hulu stuff on playon, which works and may even be a preferable change.
10. Facebook friends.  I’m a facebook fiend.  All of my entourage back home checked in regularly and knew what was going on with my life.  People here rarely know the goings-on in my life because they don’t check facebook regularly.  This is a change in my life because my friends back home are still interacting on facebook and moving on with their lives (as well they should) but the people here don’t often interact with me.

I mean, there are more ways that my life has changed.  But these are some of the ways that are bugging me right now.  I’m not 100% miserable by any means.  (Who would be with the most amazing super husband who I’ve got!?)  But this adjustment period is kicking my butt and I am impatient with myself and stubborn at times.  I am anxious for a trip to my homelands this weekend, even though almost nothing will be the same there, either (but I will thoroughly enjoy good radio as much as possible!).

Money, Money, Money

It all boils down to money.  I have heard so many people make this comment.   It cannot buy happiness but, it is a necessary evil.  Yes, an evil.  Because while it can bring out the good in people, all to often it brings out the worst.  Not enough can bring out envy and strife.  Too much can bring out pride and arrogance.  Teaching your children about the value of money is a parental concern of course.  But teaching them the danger of money is one of the most important lessons you will give your children.  In teaching them about the ‘almighty dollar’ you can teach them about the Almighty.

God’s word has many passages concerning money.  God does not treat money as evil.  It is the world that has made it evil.  We need to be good stewards of our children by teaching them God’s views, priorities and standards on money.  Many times we simply read Bible stories to our children, but how often do we teach them a lesson that they can understand?   Here are two of my favorite examples on teaching parables concerning money.

1)

“The Widow’s Mite” Mark 12:41–44 This parable IS about sacrificial giving. I imagine this widow would have tithed her unemployment check, her welfare check and even her food stamps through a food pantry.  However, it is also about HOW you give.  The parable is also saying that “Putting on the Show” of giving is wrong.  Giving and doing for others should be between you and God and not for man.  When you give to impress others, that is your reward.  You’ve impressed them and that is all you will receive. PLAN SOME WAY OF GIVING WITH YOUR CHILD WHERE NO ONE BUT YOU AND THEY KNOW AND EXPLAIN “GOD KNOWS!”  Then ask them to ‘give’ where only they and God know. (See an early post for other ideas about Serving Others.)

2)

“The Parable of the Talents” Matthew 25:14-30; Luke 19:12-28 This parable is about stewardship.  This can be a difficult concept for a child so I suggest a visual lesson.  The concepts are even difficult for some adults.   There are those that think their 10% is so little that it could do no one any good and they need every dime they have.  There are those that ‘tithe’ so much of their time in ‘duties’ at church that they give no money.  They fail to see how they fall into the category of the poor steward.

To teach your child a visual of how little God asks of them you will need three containers.

CONTAINERS:

Banks, Jars, Envelopes, Zip Lock Bags (etc.)

LABEL:

Help your child label them

Words:

1) God, Later, Now

2) Church, Savings, Spending (etc.)

OR

Pictures:

1) Cross, Picture of Jesus, Church,

2) Piggy Bank, or picture of something they are saving for,

3) Dollar sign, picture of something they spend their money on each week

Then each time they receive money from an allowance, birthday gift, Christmas money or whatever the occasion (even if gma/gpa just hand them a dollar) teach them to FIRST put 10% in God’s container, 40% (or more/less) in savings container, and the balance in spending container.  To start your child off you may want to hand them four dollar bills and four quarters (or be a big spender and give them 10 one dollar gills).  When they put 10% (two quarters for $5, or one of the 10 one dollar bills), ask them if they see how little God asks of them.  Explain He does not require, but asks and that it is very little in comparison to what they have left for them.

NOTE:  Pick a Sunday (each week, bi-monthly or monthly) and have your child remove the money they are tithing and place in a church envelope to take to church.  Teach them to quietly place it, face down in the offering plate.  Here is your chance to demonstrate how quietly the widow gave her mites.

SAVINGS: Maybe they want to save for Christmas gifts, the Fair, the School BookFair, a doll or Video game.  Maybe it is longer range savings like for a car or college.  What ever it is, you will help them if you DO NOT change the deal.  If they do not have enough at the time, then they need to WAIT FOR THEIR WANTS.  Of course you must use good judgement, and sometimes a parent does NEED to step in and help when it’s a NEED and not a WANT. Our policy was we paid for their NEEDS just as God supplies our needs.  We also saw to their wants as rewards.

SPENDING:  DO NOT get in the habit of loaning them the balance of what they need at a store because they are ‘short’ for something they WANT.  Tell them they will have to wait.  Also, teach them the joy of saving by using coupons, watching for markdowns. Again, use good judgment and always be there for a true NEED.

ASK YOURSELF:  I always asked my girls ‘why do you want this’?  If it was because ‘everyone is wearing them or has them’  BUZZER – Wrong Answer!  Make sure their wants, are THEIR wants and not peer pressure or fitting in with the crowd syndrome.   The bottom line is, you are responsible to GOD for what your child spends  their money on while they are in your home.  NEVER forget you ARE the parent.  It might be their money, but they are STEWARDS of it and how they spend it must be in accordance with God’s teachings.  I cannot tell you how many parents have said (in defense of their daughter/son wearing objectionable clothing, listening to objectionable music or playing unacceptable video games), “Well, what can I do? They used their money? ”   We are responsible for teaching them that everything we have is from God.  It is all HIS.  He asks for 10% back and you are ONLY STEWARDS of the other 90%.  You have to answer to Him for that as well.

Money – will it be a good thing, or a bad thing in your child’s life?

WARNING: this is a big confession and soul bearing.

I have a confession to make… I am a closet perfectionist… I am also a very clear procrastinator… and this is a problem. I want my house to look like this:

but I keep putting off the important things… I use excuses, like I’m tired or I’ll do it tomorrow. But all in all I’m just a sinful procrastinator. As far as I can tell my heart is the problem, and this affects my priorities which causes the procrastination.

My home-keeping journal is full of lists and schedules that have yet to be properly implemented, I do a weekly menu plan which is more often than not forgotten by Tuesday. I plan to do laundry, only to lose the motivation when I see that we still have enough clothes,or the weather looks peaky. I begin to tidy up, but then get severely sidetracked by an idea, which needs to be checked out online, after which i find myself having spend 2 hours online and the house is still a mess. I get frustrated with things that lie around and that aren’t in their place but when I get around to picking them up I’m already half mad. And it goes on and on…

This post by Ann Voskamp and this one by Lindsay Edmonds made me think a lot about my homemaking problems. Even though they do not directly relate to my issue, they touched on very good points. I have learnt a lot from reading these ladies’ blogs, and one thing thats core to both their lives is the Lord, and spending time with Him. That is my core problem. Its the issue at the centre of my homemaking dilemma and my procrastination and my confused priorities.

I neglect to spend regular time with God.

There its out. Its something that I know is probably my biggest sin, and as I said the reason it feels like my life is totally disorganised,and I don’t get to doing things, or lack the motivation to do them. I don’t start my day with Him at my centre. I know in my heart and mind that if I did this, then my calling to be a stay at home wife and mom, would feel more satisfying, and my family would be more to me and I would work so much harder for them.

But I would also be able to do the things that truly matter… and forget about having the perfect house and the perfect food and the perfect kids. It would be enough to just be a godly home, with godly parents trying to raise godly kids, and do the best as God wills. As Ann says “I want seen things”, and that’s a heart problem and one based on a need for a deeper relationship with the Father. The unseen things like the prayers, the simple things, are worth more than the seen things. I need to spend time with the Creator to become content with the way things are and to be a godly wife and run my home like a Proverbs 31 women would.

“Contentment is being able to come to terms with where you are and what’s going on in your life, even if it’s not what you would have chosen for yourself. True contentment is not having everything you want, but learning to appreciate everything you have.”
Nancy Twigg

I am happy with the choice to stay at home, and be a mother and a wife. I just need to find my identity in Christ and not in how pretty and tidy my house is. Then I will be able to be a better mother and wife.

That’s my challenge to myself, and if you relate, please join me…