Money, Money, Money

It all boils down to money.  I have heard so many people make this comment.   It cannot buy happiness but, it is a necessary evil.  Yes, an evil.  Because while it can bring out the good in people, all to often it brings out the worst.  Not enough can bring out envy and strife.  Too much can bring out pride and arrogance.  Teaching your children about the value of money is a parental concern of course.  But teaching them the danger of money is one of the most important lessons you will give your children.  In teaching them about the ‘almighty dollar’ you can teach them about the Almighty.

God’s word has many passages concerning money.  God does not treat money as evil.  It is the world that has made it evil.  We need to be good stewards of our children by teaching them God’s views, priorities and standards on money.  Many times we simply read Bible stories to our children, but how often do we teach them a lesson that they can understand?   Here are two of my favorite examples on teaching parables concerning money.

1)

“The Widow’s Mite” Mark 12:41–44 This parable IS about sacrificial giving. I imagine this widow would have tithed her unemployment check, her welfare check and even her food stamps through a food pantry.  However, it is also about HOW you give.  The parable is also saying that “Putting on the Show” of giving is wrong.  Giving and doing for others should be between you and God and not for man.  When you give to impress others, that is your reward.  You’ve impressed them and that is all you will receive. PLAN SOME WAY OF GIVING WITH YOUR CHILD WHERE NO ONE BUT YOU AND THEY KNOW AND EXPLAIN “GOD KNOWS!”  Then ask them to ‘give’ where only they and God know. (See an early post for other ideas about Serving Others.)

2)

“The Parable of the Talents” Matthew 25:14-30; Luke 19:12-28 This parable is about stewardship.  This can be a difficult concept for a child so I suggest a visual lesson.  The concepts are even difficult for some adults.   There are those that think their 10% is so little that it could do no one any good and they need every dime they have.  There are those that ‘tithe’ so much of their time in ‘duties’ at church that they give no money.  They fail to see how they fall into the category of the poor steward.

To teach your child a visual of how little God asks of them you will need three containers.

CONTAINERS:

Banks, Jars, Envelopes, Zip Lock Bags (etc.)

LABEL:

Help your child label them

Words:

1) God, Later, Now

2) Church, Savings, Spending (etc.)

OR

Pictures:

1) Cross, Picture of Jesus, Church,

2) Piggy Bank, or picture of something they are saving for,

3) Dollar sign, picture of something they spend their money on each week

Then each time they receive money from an allowance, birthday gift, Christmas money or whatever the occasion (even if gma/gpa just hand them a dollar) teach them to FIRST put 10% in God’s container, 40% (or more/less) in savings container, and the balance in spending container.  To start your child off you may want to hand them four dollar bills and four quarters (or be a big spender and give them 10 one dollar gills).  When they put 10% (two quarters for $5, or one of the 10 one dollar bills), ask them if they see how little God asks of them.  Explain He does not require, but asks and that it is very little in comparison to what they have left for them.

NOTE:  Pick a Sunday (each week, bi-monthly or monthly) and have your child remove the money they are tithing and place in a church envelope to take to church.  Teach them to quietly place it, face down in the offering plate.  Here is your chance to demonstrate how quietly the widow gave her mites.

SAVINGS: Maybe they want to save for Christmas gifts, the Fair, the School BookFair, a doll or Video game.  Maybe it is longer range savings like for a car or college.  What ever it is, you will help them if you DO NOT change the deal.  If they do not have enough at the time, then they need to WAIT FOR THEIR WANTS.  Of course you must use good judgement, and sometimes a parent does NEED to step in and help when it’s a NEED and not a WANT. Our policy was we paid for their NEEDS just as God supplies our needs.  We also saw to their wants as rewards.

SPENDING:  DO NOT get in the habit of loaning them the balance of what they need at a store because they are ‘short’ for something they WANT.  Tell them they will have to wait.  Also, teach them the joy of saving by using coupons, watching for markdowns. Again, use good judgment and always be there for a true NEED.

ASK YOURSELF:  I always asked my girls ‘why do you want this’?  If it was because ‘everyone is wearing them or has them’  BUZZER – Wrong Answer!  Make sure their wants, are THEIR wants and not peer pressure or fitting in with the crowd syndrome.   The bottom line is, you are responsible to GOD for what your child spends  their money on while they are in your home.  NEVER forget you ARE the parent.  It might be their money, but they are STEWARDS of it and how they spend it must be in accordance with God’s teachings.  I cannot tell you how many parents have said (in defense of their daughter/son wearing objectionable clothing, listening to objectionable music or playing unacceptable video games), “Well, what can I do? They used their money? ”   We are responsible for teaching them that everything we have is from God.  It is all HIS.  He asks for 10% back and you are ONLY STEWARDS of the other 90%.  You have to answer to Him for that as well.

Money – will it be a good thing, or a bad thing in your child’s life?

WARNING: this is a big confession and soul bearing.

I have a confession to make… I am a closet perfectionist… I am also a very clear procrastinator… and this is a problem. I want my house to look like this:

but I keep putting off the important things… I use excuses, like I’m tired or I’ll do it tomorrow. But all in all I’m just a sinful procrastinator. As far as I can tell my heart is the problem, and this affects my priorities which causes the procrastination.

My home-keeping journal is full of lists and schedules that have yet to be properly implemented, I do a weekly menu plan which is more often than not forgotten by Tuesday. I plan to do laundry, only to lose the motivation when I see that we still have enough clothes,or the weather looks peaky. I begin to tidy up, but then get severely sidetracked by an idea, which needs to be checked out online, after which i find myself having spend 2 hours online and the house is still a mess. I get frustrated with things that lie around and that aren’t in their place but when I get around to picking them up I’m already half mad. And it goes on and on…

This post by Ann Voskamp and this one by Lindsay Edmonds made me think a lot about my homemaking problems. Even though they do not directly relate to my issue, they touched on very good points. I have learnt a lot from reading these ladies’ blogs, and one thing thats core to both their lives is the Lord, and spending time with Him. That is my core problem. Its the issue at the centre of my homemaking dilemma and my procrastination and my confused priorities.

I neglect to spend regular time with God.

There its out. Its something that I know is probably my biggest sin, and as I said the reason it feels like my life is totally disorganised,and I don’t get to doing things, or lack the motivation to do them. I don’t start my day with Him at my centre. I know in my heart and mind that if I did this, then my calling to be a stay at home wife and mom, would feel more satisfying, and my family would be more to me and I would work so much harder for them.

But I would also be able to do the things that truly matter… and forget about having the perfect house and the perfect food and the perfect kids. It would be enough to just be a godly home, with godly parents trying to raise godly kids, and do the best as God wills. As Ann says “I want seen things”, and that’s a heart problem and one based on a need for a deeper relationship with the Father. The unseen things like the prayers, the simple things, are worth more than the seen things. I need to spend time with the Creator to become content with the way things are and to be a godly wife and run my home like a Proverbs 31 women would.

“Contentment is being able to come to terms with where you are and what’s going on in your life, even if it’s not what you would have chosen for yourself. True contentment is not having everything you want, but learning to appreciate everything you have.”
Nancy Twigg

I am happy with the choice to stay at home, and be a mother and a wife. I just need to find my identity in Christ and not in how pretty and tidy my house is. Then I will be able to be a better mother and wife.

That’s my challenge to myself, and if you relate, please join me…

Dubrovnik Symphony Orchestra

It’s easy to think a good marriage is played out with beautiful background music by a well dressed symphony orchestra.  The stage is lined with dimly lit candles adding the perfect ambiance.  The main characters always know what to say and how to say it.  Life has been scripted and everyone knows they must follow their part in order to secure a happy ending.  We love happy endings, don’t we?

But this is not reality.

Marriage doesn’t play out on a stage…or does it?  We DO have an audience: our children, neighbors, friends and most importantly – God!  He is the audience who matters most!

Photo from Courtesyland.com

A good marriage is one where commitment is the main character no matter how the scenes change.  One day it may be a romantic comedy, and the next day a full-fledged drama.  There are accidents, unplanned conflicts and illnesses.  It’s as if the director throws in unexpected twists in the story.  The director in our marriage is God.  He’s the One who took two completely opposite individuals and decided to do a miraculous thing – join them together as one flesh.  He is the One who plans our days and months and years.  He knows what we need more than we do.  He is rightfully the director, and He should be listened to daily.  In times like these commitment is required to stay engaged.

Photo from revoltfpcc.org

Our struggles are as much a part of the story as our most romantic times together.  How we respond to each other and all of life matters.  What glorifies Him is living our life in the way He desires and considering others (insert spouse here) as more important than ourselves.

So, how ready are you on the marriage stage?  Have you studied your part well?  Do you know what is required of the husband’s role and the wife’s role?  It’s a part made just for you.  Those who study well will receive accolades from the only One who matters.

I wonder how you would react if you pulled up outside your home only to find your dear wife sat in the middle of your yard, head and shoulders lowered sobbing out loud?  She is covered from head to toe in dirt and mud and is obviously hurting and forlorn.

Would you quickly stop the car and run to her aid?  Would you want to know what happened, how she got hurt or hurt herself?  Would you want to know what happened to her?  What if she couldn’t tell you what happened?  What if she was too distressed or too embarrassed to tell you?  What if  all she can do, amidst the tears and sobbing, is to promise you that it wasn’t her fault and that she isn’t too seriously hurt and to ask you for your help?

Would you carefully help her to her feet and carry her inside?  Once inside, would you carefully lovingly take her to the bathroom, lovingly undress her and helping her into the shower or the bath gently, lovingly, carefully, washing her clean?

And when you noticed the cuts and the scratches and abrasions on her body would you gently, lovingly, carefully, clean and dress them?

Would you then take her to the bedroom and sit holding her, helping her to calm down, encouraging her, comforting her, reassuring her?  Telling her it is alright and that she is safe now and that everything will be ok?

I sincerely hope that the answer to all of the questions about how you would respond to your wife’s needs would be a yes or that you would do something equally loving anc caring to help her.  Would you?

How about we change the picture just a little?

How about this time instead of your finding her sitting in the middle of the yard forlorn and sobbing, she is in the kitchen still all covered in dirt and mud, still with minor cuts and scratches and abrasions on her body, but this time she is ranting and raving and throwing a tantrum and really, really mad at herself because she tried to do something herself (something that you had said you would do perhaps) and it all went really wrong?  You ask her what happened and she tells you and she also tells you that she knew she shouldn’t have done it but tried it any way and is now covered from head to toe in dirt and mud and scratched and cut is now really beating herself up over it all?

What would you, how would you respond  do this time?

Would you still try to calm her down?  Would you still take her and wash her clean and tend to her minor cuts and abrasions?  Would you still comfort her and reassure her and tell her that everything is going to be alright?  Would you tell her to stop beating herself up over it all and perhaps turn her across your knee and spank her and then tell her, “Ok I have dealt with it.  You messed up and have been disciplined for it and it is all dealt with.  Now it is time to move on and to start repairing things”?

Interesting questions aren’t they?  But what happens when the mud and dirt, when the cuts and scratches, the abrasions and wounds are all on the inside?  What happens  when the situations causing this dirt and mud these stains, the situations that caused the wounds all happened long before you even came on the scene?  What happens when they are causing behavior and attitudes that are mild or drawn out and not so urgent or noticeable?

What if what you are really facing here are years and years of hurting and corrupted perceptions and self-hatred or at best a lack of self worth.

See here’s the deal.  The plain simple fact is that we were all born into a raised in a perverted, sinful and corrupt world and the truth is that without Christ and God and the Holy Spirit in our lives we all live badly and wrongly and we have all experienced things in our lives that God never desired for us to face or experience.

Sometimes, some of these things can deeply impact us and can cut wounds that remain with us for a long time and which do alter and affect the way we see ourselves, others and indeed the world (and sadly even how we see God).

But when we accept Christ in our lives, when we give our lives to Christ and fully accept His love and guidance and healing we avail ourselves of the “newness” that this offers and I truly and fully believe that He desires to lift us into His unshakable hands, to wash us clean and to tend to and heal our wounds and to wrap us in His love and protection.

And here is the rub for all of us HoH’s.  I am convinced that it is a fundamental primary role within our servant-leadership as a Christian husband and Head of House to bring about and be a major part of that cleansing and healing for our dear wife’s JUST as they are part of God’s cleansing and healing for us.

Let us be of no mistake or misconception here.  True the situation may not appear as urgent as finding our wife sat sobbing and forlorn in the middle of our yard, or upset and distressed in the middle of the kitchen and true the mud and dirt that stains them may not be totally visible or the cuts or abrasions or scratches – the wounds of this world, as readily noticeable BUT trust me that doesn’t make them any the less real or important or indeed urgent in their need for attention and healing.

So I challenge you and commend you as a Christian husband and HoH, to reconsider your role and the immensely important gift and responsibility that our Lord has given you in your position as HoH and I ask you to consider your dear wife and to consider what dirt and mud from the past may still be trying to cling to her, and to consider what wounds may still be affecting her and stopping her from seeing just how precious and pure and beautiful she is in God’s eyes and from realizing the cleansing and healing that He desires for her.

Will it require patience and understanding, love and compassion from you to her?  I have no doubt it will!  And will there be a personal cost to you in all this?  Of course there will be.  But both God and your dear wife are worth it!

And I challenge and commend you dear wives out there.  How about trusting and allowing your Husband/HoH to be a part of the healing and cleansing God wants you to have?

Will it require your stripping yourself totally naked (physically or emotionally) and standing before your Husband/HoH and allowing him to see everything even those parts you have hidden for so long and are most protective or embarrassed about?  Yes it no doubt will.  And yes it will require your fully opening up and allowing him to be a part of that healing.  But let’s face it, Christian marriage is a relationship where BOTH of you are one in the Father and where the Father has placed or blessed each of you into each other’s lives because He desires for you to minister to each other.

I am convinced that part of the husband’s role is to be a part of God’s cleansing and healing for the wife and part of the wife’s role is to be a part of God’s cleansing and healing for the husband.  So there are my challenges for today.

Will you allow each other to be a part of the cleansing and healing that God desires for you and are you willing to stand and be a part of the healing God desires for your partner?

To me, this prayer by Mother Teresa is the gold standard.  It is the gold standard of parenting.  This prayer describes the kind of Mom I strive to be; the kind of example I hope to set for my children.  And although I fail more than I would like, I aspire to be THIS woman.

Dear Jesus,

Help us to spread Your fragrance everywhere we go.

Flood our souls with Your spirit and life.

Penetrate and possess our whole being, so utterly, that our lives may

Only be a radiance of Yours.

Shine through us, and be so in us, that every soul we come in contact

with may feel Your presence in our soul.

Let them look up and see no longer us, but only Jesus!

Stay within us, and then we shall begin to shine as You shine;  so to shine

as to be a light to others.

The light O Jesus will be all from You, none of it will be ours;

It will be You shining on others through us.

Let us thus praise You without preaching, not by words but by example,

By catching the force, the sympathetic influence of what we do,

The evident fullness of the love our hearts bear to you.

Amen

Amy Pedersen

The Miracle of Me from conception to birth

www.themiracleofme.com

There are two “perfect days” Samuel and I have had over the years… The first was August 4, 2000. We had broken up in April. He was saved in July, and then August 4th, we started dating again. Since then, we have always called August 4th the perfect day. Caroline was born August 11th, and the newspaper headline was “The Perfect Day.”

I am still adjusting to having an infant and a toddler in the house all day every day- still learning how to make everything happen before I crash for the night. Someone asked me last week how the moms at the Ramp do it. How are we full-time moms and wives, burning for God, active on the ministry team, involved in the services, and so on. I wish I knew. The question sparked so many thoughts. Among them are of the perfect day.

My perfectly structured day would look something like this…
6:45 am I wake up after a full night’s rest. I fix a cup of coffee and a bowl of cereal and sit down at the breakfast table with my Bible.

7:00-8:00 I am praying and studying the Word while the children are sleeping. The house is quiet, and I can really focus. By now, I have moved to the living room sofa and am sitting in front of the picture window where the sun rises each morning. The sunlight spilling through the trees and fog is the perfect backdrop.

8:00-Lunch The kids wake up and I make them breakfast (and myself second breakfast if chocolate chip pancakes are on the menu). I have to clean the kitchen, which naturally leads into other random household chores. I seem to do these best in the morning. While they watch a movie, I get ready for the day.
After he’s finished eating, I work with William on something educational- his reading cards, numbers, letters, etc. Then, if the weather is nice, we take a walk in the stroller, or if need be, we run errands around town. We come home, eat a simple lunch, and go for a nap-time ride.

1:00-3:00 William should be napping, Caroline is probably asleep too, and I have mommy time. Usually this means laundry time. It needs to mean work-out time if I’m going to be in shape by Christmas production, but that’s another blog another day.

3:30-7:00 I need to start thinking about dinner. We like to eat early, so I’m usually cooking by 4. By 6:30, we’ve all eaten and the kitchen is clean.

7:00-8:00 Bath time for the kids, pj’s, teeth brushed, clothes down the chute, night-time stories read, & lights out.

8:00- bedtime The marathon is over.

This day rarely happens, but maybe just getting it out of my head and into words will put a bit of motivation behind it. Being a wife & mom is a more than a full-time job. Way more. Throw in helping to fuel a great awakening, and it can be a bit overwhelming. But somehow, the grace to just do it is always there.
Right now especially, I can’t make it to all the services, but I almost always watch online. When I do make it to the services, I usually sit in the green room and watch on the screen. It’s not like being in the sanctuary, but it keeps me a part of what’s going on.

The bottom line is that I can do this. And maybe this whole thing is just to tell myself that again (I missed tonight’s service so I could get the kids in bed). There were lots of women who set examples of how to raise children in a home that is burning for God- some of those women raised a lot more than 3 children. The thing that distinguishes the successful Christian moms who raised successful Christian children is simply that they did it. Every day. Damon Thompson defines spiritual maturity as the “consistent application of elementary things.” This is true for successful mothering too. It’s not in having a weekend to cram motherhood in; it’s the every day instilling of structure and prayer in their lives. They are observing so much more than we realize, and we are laying a foundation that the future structure of their every day lives will be built on.

So, what are we teaching our children by our lives- our habits, our free time, our priorities? What does the perfect day need to look like? What’s keeping us from living it? If you are a parent, nothing is more important than making sure that your children see what Christianity is supposed to look like in you. If there’s anything hindering that vision, pay whatever it costs to change it.

My children gave me a revelation.

Becoming a parent is an amazing thing, it gives you great insight into the ‘father’ love of God. It gives you great insight into unconditional love.
But my children gave me an insight into the art of being a follower.

One afternoon, my daughter is begging me for attention.
mum
I’m at my computer, busy with something or other.
muuuuumma

They just wanted my attention. They had done something I had asked and wanted my affection and approval. Some times I cast them aside with a distracted, o wow hunni, or a glance and unenthusiastic yeah.
My girls just want to please me, their world revolves around me.
They imitate me
I see their cute wiggle as they dance awkward and gangly – just like their mumma
I see them licking the last little bits of ice cream from the bowl - just like their mumma
I see giggles, impatience, expressions, mannerisms and flaws – just like their mumma
Because I am their whole world.
I am all they know at the moment and all they want to be.

Maybe that is what the bible means when it says the kingdom belongs to them.
If God was my whole world,
Then I would wake and sleep revolving around Him.
I would do all I could do to please Him.
I would follow and imitate.

God is my Father – and we spend a lot of time thinking about what that means for Him.
I am his child – and that means something for me.