[Ray Newell is pastor of City Road Chapel, UMC in Madison (Nashville area) TN. Please Join us for worship service. We have a small, early church service at 8:00a.m. on Sunday, Sunday School at 8:45, and another worship at 11:00. All are welcome. (Map) (Visit our Website)]

A couple in the church recently sent us a card with a clipping inside about someone’s hoping they’d see their beloved pets again in heaven.  On the card, they noted how many dogs they had buried in their yard over the many decades they had lived in their house.  I remembered how many parsonages I’d lived in that had pet cemeteries out back.  Little plots, often with little crosses, which contained various dogs, cats, hamsters, and other pets of ministers and their families.  One of the sad parts of moving for me has been to go off and leave the remains of these faithful members of our family.  It feels somehow like we’re leaving part of ourselves behind as we move off to a new parish.  Our time at City Road has been hard on our pets.  While we’ve been here, we’ve lost three old dogs—two of the kid’s pets and Joan’s special Maggie—and one old cat—the only other one in our family besides me who had blue eyes.  One reason Joan and I hope we can keep our house is because we’re tired of going off and leaving behind those we love.

Then last week, as I read my latest issue of Gun Dog Magazine, I came across this:  “The story of a loved dog’s life almost never has a happy ending. They get cancer, they get hit by cars, …or they get so old that their systems fail and our veterinarians put them to sleep.  When those things happen, we beat ourselves up about it; all the things we should have done while they were in our care.”  How true this is for all beloved pets. Then I realized its deeper truth is about all those we love.

All of our love stories have sad endings.  In the flush of love and youth we don’t realize what it means when we vow, “until death us do part.”  One of us will die first, and the other will know the terrible pain of the loss of a spouse.  We will die and our children and friends will experience that vast void in their lives caused by our absence.  Most horribly, we might have to bury a child we have raised and poured our love into.  Other types of losses of those whom we have loved will sadden our lives, and often we will beat ourselves up about all we feel we should have done while they were with us.  The sadness will come because we have loved.  If one doesn’t know love, one can’t mourn the loss of love.  The level of our grief is in direct proportion to the depth of our love.

In human terms, all of our love stories will have unhappy endings; but God tells us that ultimately we who have loved and been loved in Christ will know a final happy ending.  To the world, Jesus’ life ends horribly.  All that love he gave in his words and deeds of power was answered with denial, betrayal, torture, and crucifixion.  His ultimate love seemed to lead only to the unhappiest of endings.  But God intervenes with Easter morning, declaring those whose love story involves Jesus the Christ—no matter how much conflict, confusion, pain and sadness that story has—ultimately ends, “and they lived happily ever after!”  I see in Easter the promise that we never leave our loves behind; they wait for us up ahead.

Ray

What a guy though… (most people would get annoyed hearing me talk about him all the time. So my blog is going to have to receive all the torture!)
I’ve heard people say:only marry someone you consider your very best friend. marry the person you know you can tell them everything and they’ll still love you the same.
I say:ok. I’ve met him already.

Ive heard people also say:what’s a marriage without an intense attraction? you need to be head over heels over him. you have to eyes for him and him only.
I say:ok. I’ve met him already.

I’ve heard people say this too: the person you marry has to be someone you know you can work with well, someone you can understand and that they understand you too. you need to agree on things like finances, the raising of children, etc.
I say:ok. I’ve met him already.

And lastly, I’ve heard people say: your future husband has to be someone who is willing to be the spiritual leader in this new family. He has to have a commitment to God and to you, to bring you up in Christ, and to keep Him at the center of the relationship.
I say:ok. I’ve met him already.

Am I missing something? I think I’ve got all bases covered. I think I’m the happiest girl on earth. I think the best is yet to come. I know my God is a loving God.

I learned one of my little vanities a while back.  To do something very different from what I usually do, I took a gun safety course.  At its conclusion, we had to prove our basic competence with a pistol by putting 20 shots into a target—just somewhere in the paper and not even in the black.  I started shooting into the bull’s eye, chewing out a large ragged hole in the black.  The instructor came up behind me, stood a moment, and then said, “You might want to spread your shots out. We’re supposed to count the bullet holes.”  Although I knew it was just a joking comment, I still felt a flash of pride.  I could still shoot well.  I realized that this had been a point of vanity since I was a teenager.  Little chance to shoot and aging eyes had made me concerned about how well I could do anymore.  It was nice to learn that I can still hit basically where I’m aiming.

Looking back, though, one of my best shots ever has lingered in my memory as a warning.  I was out shooting my Civil War musket and pistol in an old limestone quarry that now contained hills of white dust, a byproduct of making cement.  As I headed back to my car, I saw a monarch butterfly on one of the dust hills several yards off, just sitting there, waving its wings.  I found it a tempting target.  I quickly drew my pistol and fired from the hip, just like they did on the TV westerns.  I shot, being pretty sure that I wouldn’t hit it, but only startle it into flight.  When the black powder smoke cleared, there was only a dark hole where the butterfly had been.  A beautiful butterfly transformed immediately into a dark hole by my un-aimed, unthinking shot.  I was surprised that I had shot so dead on.  I was also a bit distraught because I didn’t really intend to kill it.  But that hole in the white dust just stared back at me.  No matter what I intended, no matter how much I was sure I really wouldn’t hurt the butterfly, my shot buried it dead in the dust.

There are times when this memory comes to mind:  monarch slowly fanning its wings, flash of fire, noise, and smoke, and then just a hole.  It usually comes to me when I see someone hurt by word or action:  a smart comment that was intended as a joke has wounded someone deeply; a practical joke has gotten out of hand and has really harmed someone; rebuking words that seem to have hurt another more that was meant.  “I was only joking;” “I didn’t meant to hurt your feelings;” “I didn’t realize this would be dangerous,” are but holes in the dirt after we’ve already blown the butterfly away.

One of the most important rules of shooting is:  Never point your weapon at something you don’t really want to shoot.  This is a good rule for our mouths and acts also. In our interactions with others, we need to be careful what we say and do.  The Bible reminds us that:  “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh words stirs up anger.  The tongue of the wise dispenses knowledge, but the mouths of fools pour out folly.  The eyes of the Lord are in every place, keeping watch on the evil and the good.  A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit (Proverbs 15:1-4).”  Don’t let one of your best “shots” be something you later regret.

–Ray

(Ray Newell is pastor at City Road Chapel, UMC in Madison (Nashville), TN. We welcome your comments. You may visit the church’s Website at http://www.cityroadchapel.org.)

Thoughts from the preacher of City Road Chapel, United Methodist Church. Christian Relationships, including marriage, should not create scars that cannot heal.

Joane and I got away for a few days after Christmas. We went over to South Carolina, ending up in Charleston. Along the way we stopped at the Revolutionary War battle field of Kings Mountain. (Most of you know that I’m a Civil War buff. You may not have known that Joan is a Revolutionary War buff.) Kings Mountain is considered the turning point of the Revolution in the South that would ultimately lead to Cornwallis’ surrender at Yorktown. The irony is that this battle was between Americans. The militia fighting for independence clashed with the militia that was still loyal to the British crown. Most of us don’t realize how much the American Revolution was also a civil war, with neighbor fighting against neighbor. These clashes were often much bloodier than when the revolutionaries met regular British forces. Somehow when we fight our own, we’re much nastier than when we take on outsiders. Again, witness our later brothers’ war in the 1860’s.

Perhaps this phenomenon arises from our expectations that those closest to us should basically agree with us; and if they don’t, we feel betrayed by them. Feelings of being betrayed by someone close elicit a much stronger negative reaction than mere disagreement with a casual acquaintance or stranger. We strike out, wanting to hurt the perceived “betrayer.” Winning this contest becomes all that matters to us. So we say and do things that end up hurting or destroying the relationship. I’ve seen marriages, families, friendships, and churches torn apart by such personal civil wars.

When I counsel folks before marriage, I often suggest that when the inevitable differences arise between husband and wife (I’m often amazed how many couples assume that be-cause they love each other, they’ll never disagree!), each individual not go for the win-at-all-costs kind of fight. Don’t damage the long-term relationship you’re seeking by saying and doing the most hurtful things you can think of to win this one fight. Harsh words or retaliatory deeds can never be taken back. I’ve learned that even when apologies are given, such words and acts lurk in the background, scarring the relationship. With too much scar tissue, relationships may no longer heal

As hard as it may be for us to learn, winning is not a virtue in a loving relationship—especially in a Christian relationship. Disagreements will arise even between the most lovingly united folks. Instead of feeling betrayed by the other and acting on those feelings, we need to follow Paul’s advice on how Christians should act toward each other, even in disagreement: “Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things” (I Corinthians 13:4-7). May we Christians never seek to reenact the savage battle of Kings Mountain in any of our personal relationships. —Ray

Relationship… defined as a state of connectedness between people involving mutual dealings; kinship or connection by blood, marriage, or adoption. 

There is one relationship I wouldn’t trade for anything or anyone, because He was my first! Even before I could really understand the connectedness between us, He was the one who  I was connected with through blood and marriage.  It is my heavenly covenant ( agreement between God and me in which He makes certain promises and requires certain behavior from me in return). 

Nonetheless, our earthly covenant (spiritual and legal union to create kinship) is the one where we had to prepare and position ourself for that  ”certain behavior in return”.   Marriage is a blessing… some may say yes and those who are married may say different. But trust and believe that if you ever get married or you currently are married, God’s plan and purpose is to help us clearly understand the behavior we must have in return! 

For a mature christian seeks God’s will and wisdom daily…

That one was free 

But getting back on task…

There is a miracle in marriage… the miracle of transformation.  Transformation is the PROCESS which involves the transformation of the whole person in thoughts, behaviors, and styles of relating with God and others. And transformation in marriage results in a life of service to your spouse and being a witness for Christ.

For women, God is preparing us to be a part of our husband’s destiny. And in that preparation/birthing  we must remember and continue these behaviors in return: prayer, preparation, practice, praise, purpose in what our role in marriage. And none of these things cease when and after we say, “I do”.  But the one thing that keeps us pressing toward the PROMISE and destiny for RELATIONSHIP is, we must always remember what we are carrying and who is our first!

so i’m totally gifting this book to someone for christmas jokesters, but not before i skim it and glean some valuable insight from it… the book is by danae dobson and is entitled: let’s talk! good stuff for girlfriends about god, guys, and growing up. gold.

I’m just wondering why a phrase as simple as that had to be used with permission? Is that shit trademarked or something? If so, that’s just WRONG</em..