DISCLAIMER:  The following post is another one of my infamous eclectic ramblings.  I got a lotta thoughts just sparking out my brain where I will just put out some of my thoughts without any coherent order.  Just follow what I am trying to say.

In my The reintroduction of Michigan Redneck posting I claimed I would invite y’all in on my faith journey.   I had said that I was saved about 7 years ago.  I would like to talk a little about my religious upbringing/past.  I was baptised as a toddler at First Presbyterian Church in Flint Michigan.  A side note, I was baptised by the same minister who married my parents and grandparents.  My great grandparents (mother’s paternal grandparents) were also married there.  My great-grandmother became a member when she was 16.  In a family album my mom gave me, there are some pics of my baptism in my pretty little peach dress.  I should find that and post it.  I was such an adorable little girl.  As a child I wasn’t taken to church much.  I remember a few Sunday school classes during elementary school; at First Pres and also at the Methodist church in my hometown.  I still have the macaroni cross spray painted gold that I made at the Methodist Sunday School.  Yeah, I have found that hoarding and saving everything is genetic.  Fast forward to teenhood (is that a word?  It is now).  I was kinda rebellious.  I know that is such a shock to y’all.  So while in public school my mom decided to send me to a Baptist based Christian School.  She couldn’t afford to send me to the Catholic School.  Now I am all for giving kids a Christian education, but not as a punishment for bad behavior.  Part of the “rules book” was that students were to attend church at least three times a week.  At the time I thought some of the things were rather boring, like no prom and girls having to wear skirts below the knee.  Well I was Presbyterian, they don’t have church that often.  Anyhoo, sometimes I would attend Sunday School other times I would attend the regular services.  The services would sometimes be mundane; inside an old Gothic Revival style sanctuary with the ministers wearing renascence robes, music kinda operatic.  Not that I am knocking it.    I turned 18 while still in my junior year of high school.  So during the Summer I could register back in public school.  I didn’t attend church much after that.  Then after graduating I kinda petered out on the Christian thing.

Still with me?  Don’t worry y’all perty little heads off, I’m getting to the purpose of the post.  As an adult on my own, after moving to the Upper Peninsula, I was saved while at the casino.  That in itself needs its own post.  For whatever reasons, I chose the Methodist Church in town (that kinda goes along with the saved story).  For the past seven years I was kinda in and out of church attendance, along with reading and living The Word.  To be honest, it was kinda boring and mundane.  Part of what pulled me out of church on occasions was political involvement.  Then late last year I started going back to church and would do my Upper Room Devotions via The United Methodist Church.  Well, I would also read some of the articles on the home page.  It seemed as though the Methodist Church had liberal leanings.  What with pro-amnesty articles and touting the “benefits of ObamaCare.”  I found this to be rather disheartening.  Then, then, when ObamaCare did pass Nanny State Pelosi “thanked” “the United Methodist with all their help to see the legislation pass.”  Well I just about blew my top at that one!  Not that I think church denominations should be conservative.  I think that churches should keep their noses out of politics.  I just decided to quite church for a while. 

What was the topic of this post again?  Oh yeah prayer and answer.  OK.  We’re getting there, promise.  During the Summer I received the news mailing for the local Methodist church.  It stated that we were getting a new pastor.  I read his bio and personal note to the members.  He talked about wanting to grow the membership of the church and possibly get a website for the church.  I thought I would give it a shot one more time.  His sermons seemed pretty interesting.  He talked about Jesus and salvation like he meant it.  Not just this “We’re Christians because we like bacon” kinda stuff.  Mmmmm…..bacon.   Or it seemed. 

So then Fall comes along.  Fall arrives in the U.P. just a little earlier than the rest of the country.  He has started a Bible Study for the Fall thru Spring.  We have always had a Bible study, at least as long as I have been there, that would take place before the Sunday service.  Before it was just the members getting together reading from a book.  Possibly a corresponding video to go with.  There was never really a leader of the group.  So then he decided that he would lead a study, on Sunday nights.  This is not the prob I have. 

While I don’t think it quite right to air my direct grievances online, I will say that I started having doubts about him.  His attitudes toward Islam seemed a bit like the above mentioned “We’re Christians because we like bacon” mumbo-jumbo.  Again, I do not want to reveal details, but I felt the need to talk to him after Bible Study. 

So I go into his office.  Not barnstorm or anything like that.  There is a time and place for that.  I think it proper to show respect for church leaders, but speak up when needed.  Perhaps at the moment my head was a bit clouded with my grieving over my dead cat.  That’s another story I am working on.  So I started off  telling him that I was thinking about leaving the church.  He just kinda looked at me telling me he was sorry to hear that and hoped that I would find a new church.  To me, that was like him saying So Long, Good Luck and Goodbye.  Well them’s fighting words.  I admit to my vanity there.  Like I am so special to think that the pastor is going to beg me to stay and having the church losing me would be oh so devastating .  Of course I just stood there a couple of seconds staring at him.  Finally he asked me why I wanted to leave.  Oh, I think I failed to mention that the previous night I did some Googling about “John Wesley’s view on Islam.”  John Wesley is the English dude who is the founder of Methodist Church.  I had printed up some articles that I found.  Showed them to him.  I told him also that I thought the Methodist denomination as a whole was a bit on the libby side.

During that time I am not sure if he was defending Islam or he was just trying to get me to think and defend why I believe some of the things that I do.  He claimed to not think that the United Methodist ain’t liberal.  What I am trying to say here?  As most times, I am not quite sure.  I guess I came to the conclusion that I thought him a bit liberal and mamby-pamby on Islam. 

To conclude, I told him that I was thinking about attending the Lutheran Church in town.  And I was going to do some googling and praying.  Finally, I have gotten to the point of the story.  I know this is something I need to pray about.  But I find myself afraid to pray about it.  I am afraid of the answer.  Not that I think God chooses one denomination or the other.  But I do think God knows what is best for each individual person.  God will keep us in a church or put us in another depending on what is best for each of us to bring us closer to Jesus.  But here is my dilemma; the stubbornness in me is afraid that God’s answer is for me to stay at the Methodist Church, the fear of change in me is afraid that God’s answer will be for me to attend the Lutheran Church or possibly the Catholic Church.  I don’t think that he would want me to attend the Baptist Church.  I am not knocking the Baptist Church.  I just don’t think I would get anything meaningful out of it.  I believe it is a good church for others.  But my casual jeans and a tee personality wouldn’t quite fit in.  Plus my love of rock music would prolly be frowned upon.  With me being single at over thirty, they would prolly lay hands on me to cast out the demons.

I think part of my problem could be my issues with fear of commitment.  Fear of commitment is not just limited to romantic relationships, or so I have found, since like what childhood.  I never stick to anything.  I always have good intentions, really I do.  But I find myself getting bored and finding a new “shiny object.”  I think in some cases, and this specific one also, that I try to find even the minutest things to set me off.  So that I will have an excuse to quite.  I came to this conclusion when I was commenting on some college students discussing a past blog post.  In the commentary I was mocking the kiddos for thinking that a student should quit a class because they didn’t agree with the post the prof was using as part of the class.  What makes me any better than those students for wanting to quit because I don’t see eye to eye with the pastor?

So far in the Bible study, Sunday nite was only the third class.  The text we are studying is This We Believe written by William H. Willimon.  The core of the book is about Methodist beliefs on doctrinal issues.  Pretty deep stuff.  It is really a thinker.  So if nothing else, I may stick it out until the end of this session.   

I think this is just the right time to listen to the advice of my Johnny boy singing about what Jesus said

I came to the conclusion recently that I didn’t have to rely on my children’s school to teach them everything.
 
Of course I would like their school to stretch them and work with their strengths while helping them strengthen their weaknesses. But I’ve found that the classroom doesn’t seem to touch on everything that I want touched on.  Even if I discuss something with a teacher at parent-teacher conferences, not all teachers have the time or are equipped to focus on certain areas; no matter how greatly I want it.

I am my child’s advocate. The first thing I think I need to do IS to go to the school. But I don’t have to stop there.
 
I found out recently that my oldest daughter was no longer getting spelling tests in 6th grade. In 6th grade!! I was astonished. I had noticed some spelling errors on some of her papers and thought to myself how much this is still needed in her classroom. But instead of getting discouraged, today, I whipped out the dictionary and gave her my own spelling test. I had her write the words she missed 5 times. I plan to do this every so often. Just because the school no longer focuses on her spelling doesn’t mean I don’t have to!
 
You can do this with any subject. My youngest has been whining that they never do art anymore. So I’m thinking I should come up with an art project for her in the near future. It’s something she loves and something I want to encourage her in.  Last year she was bored in math because her level exceeded that of where her class was. It had been talked about, that she could go in an extra math learning program but that never happened. Looking back, we could have done extra math with her at home to help her continue her learning.
 
As a Christian parent with my children in a public school – I can also teach them Bible lessons at home. Just because they don’t have a “set” Bible class doesn’t mean I can’t incorporate one!
 
We are our children’s advocates. We are here to speak up for them, to motivate them, and to help them flourish. Part of that is their learning.  It doesn’t have to be a grueling system. You don’t have to make your child do 3 more hours of science or history every night in addition to their school experience. But you CAN embellish what they are getting at school by incorporating a little extra learning at home. You CAN stand up and say, “My child WILL learn this subject even if their school doesn’t think it’s important enough to spend more time on it!” Or, if your child struggles in a subject, spend a little extra time on it with them at home.
 
You can make learning fun. There are so many sites on the Internet where children can learn keyboarding, do math games, etc. And you can take them to places in your community or family vacations to places like Mt. Rushmore to teach them about history.
 
Don’t rely on the “system” to do all that it should for your child. Hopefully it will – but if it doesn’t – stand in the gap and do it yourself. It’s in your child’s best interest.
 
 
~ Dionna Sanchez parents her children from her home in Idaho. She is the Founder of the Emphasis On Moms Ministry and maintains a blog for women at http://beautyinthestorm.blogspot.com

How to find a Soul Mate for life

Finding the right Soul Mate is the dream every single, unattached or unmarried person today. There are hundreds if not millions of people on the net seeking to find love. Both young and older people alike are looking for the perfect match online. Many woman and men have been hurt taken advantage of by evil people prowling the net looking for vulnerable people to steal from lie to and abuse in various ways.

Today you can join as many dating website and chat rooms as you like, the sky is the limit when it comes to the many choices you have. However if you’re serious about finding love that does not seem to be working for many a man/woman have gotten hurt and abused financially after investing time and emotional commitment to the relationship. Loosing faith in love has been the unfortunate thing for some, while you find the few that get hurt over and over again trying to find the right person.

This made me think, and while I was thinking and doing my research on this issue and counselling many a victim of these kinds of relationships. It came to me…. Why don’t we do it like the olden day’s when a matchmaker would bring two people together?

That’s how Agape Singles was born! It took a lot of prayer and consulting with the Lord as to His will, and then with the help of other Christians praying about this project this site was launched in July 2010. The primarily focus is to help individuals connect with likeminded people. Profile are sent to us free of charge and placed in our database while we search for suited matches. A member will receive profiles of their matches on a regular bases, this way member’s can get to know each other on a more personal way and in their own time. Members are encouraged to first make a friend of everyone they meet through their profile, because friendships are precious and important. At the time of receiving member profiles, membership fee applies. Research has proven that many matchmaking sites charge an arm and a leg for such a service. We would like to cater for every man/woman so we have kept our membership fees very affordable. Along with offering a Matchmaking service we have BIBLE FOCUS with some bible study. Relationship advice and other helpful articles on site that could be helpful for spiritual upliftment.

This is our way of helping people connect to likeminded people in a much safer way. Please visit us http://www.agapesingles.co.za  for more info. Thanks for Stopping by!

If you read my last post you shouldn’t be at all surprised to find that I’m still stuck on the book of 1 John.  (And I probably will be tomorrow and a week from now and ten years from now until I KNOW that I’ve mastered it!)  If you’ve followed this blog from the beginning, then you know that I’m a rule follower.  Just tell me the right thing to do so I can do it, PLEASE!  1 John does exactly that for me.  When I read it, I see arrows pointing to a huge sign with blinking lights that says, “So you want to follow Christ?  This is what a Christian looks like.   Do YOU look like this?”  Well, the problem is…I DON’T.  Not yet anyway.  Because 1 John isn’t just about choosing not to sin.  It also focuses on LOVING OTHERS. 

 Today I’ve decided to let you in on a dirty little secret of mine.  I’m a good LOVE-er gone bad.  Yep, you heard me right.  Now, before you start to defend me, I’ll tell you that I’ve already been there and had that argument with the LORD…and I lost!  So don’t bother.  But don’t worry, I’m working on it and hopefully I’ll cross back over soon.

There’s probably a hundred things that I can blame it on…a broken heart, trust issues, an introverted personality, a short temper….the list goes on.  But before a Holy God, no excuse stands.  So, I’ve had no other choice than to go ahead and face the ugly truth. 

 And it is UGGGG-LY!  

  I used not to have a problem loving others because I surrounded myself with only those that were lovable.  Whenever I came into contact with a ”sand paper” person that rubbed me the wrong way or grated on my nerves, I’d think,   “I don’t have to put up with that.”  And I didn’t put up with it!  I closed them out of my life and went on my merry way.

About five years and three children into mothering, things weren’t very merry anymore.  To my dismay, two of my three precious children  had become “sand paper” people themselves.  The really, really coarse kind!  Only a mom can understand this next statement, so the rest of you…just ignore it! 

I loved them, but I was really beginning to not like them! 

 Though I truly loved them…deeply…with every ounce of my being- I was finding it extremely difficult to express any love to them at all because I just wasn’t “feeling” it.  They were taking up too much of my time, my energy, my space, my peace, my sleep, even my food!  MY EVERYTHING!  On top of that, they were so, so, SO very difficult to manage!  I found their behavior to be absolutely “un-lovable” and I honestly didn’t want to be around them.   I was frazzled, frustrated, and exhausted day in and day out and I just didn’t want to put up with it.  It was too hard.  So, I began to close them out and focus on ME.  How did I feel?  What was I going to do today?  What did I want in life?  What were they keeping me from?   How could I get more time to myself?  (Hey, I warned you that it was pretty ugly!)

I’m ashamed to say that this went on for a number of years.  My actions continued to spiral downward until I didn’t recognize myself anymore -for I was exactly the opposite of loving.  Who was this selfish, unloving person that I had become?   I’ll spare you the details, but I will tell you that I hit rock bottom.  I realized that the quality of my parenting could not get any lower.  I knew I had a real problem that needed a very real solution-right away before I did any more damage to my children or anyone else!  I needed to stop the pity party, choose to put others above myself, and learn how to truly LOVE because real love does not close people out.  It does not give up on them.  Genuine love is patient and kind.  It is never  jealous, boastful, proud, rude, selfish, or easily angered.  It does not act unbecomingly.  It does not insist on its own rights or its own way for it is not self-seeking.  It is not resentful and it does not pay attention to wrongs that have been done.  Love is always ready to believe the best of every person and it endures everything without weakening.    Love always trusts.  Always hopes.  Love never fails.

In 1 John 4:7-8 the Bible tells us that we are to love one another  because love is from God and everyone who loves has God as his Father and knows Him.  Those who do not love do not know God because GOD IS LOVE. 

That verse alone creates a  problem for those who aren’t actively choosing to love others but want to be in a healthy relationship with God.

As for me, I did the only thing I knew to do.   I went straight to the most loving person I know, our pastor’s wife.  She and I went to the Lord together and asked that He place His love in my heart. 

How do I know it’s there?  Because I’m having little tiny “love victories”  one “sand paper” person’s action at a time. 

Do I still fail?  Absolutely.  In fact, my kids told me the other day that they didn’t think the prayer worked!  But when I fail, I get right back up and try again.  Because that’s what love is all about.

How about you?  Is there a “sand paper” person in your life?  Are you a good LOVE-er?

 Let us love not with words and talk, but with actions and in reality!

~1 John 3:18

Don't Go To Bed MAD!

I really do not remember when I was taught the concept, however, I do know I always taught my girls to ‘never go to bed mad’.  Walking out of the room and cooling down before you say something you will regret is one thing, but, allowing it to fester and develop in to real ‘soul’ problems between one another is sin.  It also can be very hard to live with should a tragedy strike before you resolve an issue.  Remember, words out of the mouth cannot go back in any easier than pushing toothpaste back in the tube.

Today is my middle brother Bobby’s birthday.  He was killed in a plane crash in 1997.  Earlier that day he called me about something to do with the new church our families were helping start.  It was a good talk, we laughed and we said “love you” .   (I have an earlier blog post about helping children through HARD TIMES).  I have always been so thankful that we talked that morning.  Two hours later I received the phone call that his plane had catastrophic engine failure and crashed.  He was gone in a blink of an eye.

Growing up Bobby picked on me, A LOT!  It is safe to say we did not get along and I did not always like him.  As adults he actually apologized, I let go of my hard feelings and we became very close and I am so glad.  It made me want to make sure my girls, Rebekah and Victoria, did not go through this problem.  I wanted them to be close.  I had the threat of, “if you two keep arguing I will make you sit facing each other, knees touching, holding hands and smiling for five minutes” as a tool.  If they stopped smiling in that five minutes I would add a minute.  (I actually used this in elementary school classrooms to stop bickering girls.  It really works.)

Bobby was a young 49 years old.  He was a strong Christian, a trustee in the new church and very active in his community.  The future looked great for him.  He was living the good life, very successful and well liked.  It is hard when the good die young.   Victoria lost a close friend to cancer at 9 years old.  One of my nephews died of a brain tumor in his 30′s.  No one knows what tomorrow holds; we are not even guaranteed the rest of today.  It is important to keep your accounts ‘short’ and to teach your children to do so as well (remember they are watching).  I am glad that through the years  I taught my girls to  resolve issues and never ‘go to bed mad’ as much as is humanly possible.

God’s word says:

Ephesians 4:26 (NIV)

“In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry…”

There will be some accounts that they can not resolve.  However, they should have their side in order with God’s word.  They should not go to bed angry.  Teach them to ‘let it go’.  Growing up in our church on New Year’s we had a Watch Night Service.   Everyone was given a piece of bread and about 15 minutes before midnight we spent the time going among the members giving each other a piece of bread of our bread and telling them we loved them.  It was a ‘love feast’.  The idea was to use the time to bury hatchets, apologize and leave the ‘old’ in the old year and start the New Year on right terms.

Keep your accounts short.  Your kids are watching.  If they see or know your anger towards someone, make sure they see or hear you make it right.  Do you have any phone calls or visits you need to make?

Today we leave for a trip I’ve waited our entire marriage to take – to see New England in the Fall!  Now I will never be able to sing along with The Veggie Tales, “and I’ve never been to Boston in the Fall!”    Yes, I’m happy!

But Tom is adamant I rest, so we may or may not be posting pictures as we go.  It mostly depends on how easy the process is and the strength of the signal we receive to upload photos.  I would love nothing more than being able to post up some pictures, but not at the cost of missing time with my husband!  Sorry, you’re important to us, but…

All this is to say…we have already posted the Mark Your Calendar Mondays, so you will receive those each week.  A couple of other posts will surprise you when they come, but if you’re missing us while we’re gone, we invite you to explore parts of The Romantic Vineyard you may not have had the time to visit before.  A few of our favorite rooms are The Husbands and Wives Only Rooms.  Also, check out The Wine Train; this is where we feature other great marriage blogs worth reading.  If you comment on their sites, please tell them we sent you!

Before we finish this post, we had to share with you a video of our granddaughter, Bristol, saying her Bible Verse.  She (and all children) is one of the main reasons keeping our marriages strong is worth it!  They need us to set godly examples of what God intends marriage to be.  With that being said – we’re off for the next two weeks!

Au Revoir!

Debi

This week I don’t have to think twice about what to share with you.  The purpose of today’s post is to give you a glimpse into our lives, our marriage, in hopes of helping you learn from our strengths and/or weaknesses.

This week it’s MY weakness I’m sharing with you!

For the past three weeks I’ve been suffering with vertigo.  Not the normal kind of dizziness, but the kind most people haven’t heard of before.  I went to an Ear and Balance Specialist last week only to be told I would have to wait nearly another week for a test to determine what was the cause.  <big sigh of worry>

You see, my dad died 6 1/2 years ago of brain cancer.  I cringe whenever I hear of someone else being diagnosed with this horrible disease.  Since my dad’s cancer was inoperable, he only lived eight weeks from the time he was diagnosed.  God was so good to him during those weeks.  He was happy and without pain.  It was an evidence of God’s great love for him in how God cared for him so sweetly. I learned much from those few short weeks, and I wouldn’t trade them for anything.  He is with his Savior now and wouldn’t choose to return if he could.

Yet, last week I was tempted to think something was seriously wrong with me.  I struggled with fear and great anxiety.  Tom helped me, prayed for me, listened to me and most often encouraged me with Scripture to build my faith and silence my fears.

But fear still fought on.  It was a constant battle.

On Wednesday I finally had my test, only to find I have an inner ear virus making my ears overly sensitive to movement.  Sort of like the feeling you have when you get off of a roller coaster – and I hate roller coasters! The remedy is to take one pill for three months, and I’ll completely recover!

As we walked to the car after receiving my good news, I cried!  I cried because I was relieved and repentant over my lack of faith in God to carry me through bad news, even though it didn’t come.  Tom kept reminding me that if we had received “bad news”, God would have provided the grace to endure the diagnosis as He so faithfully did with my Dad.

“Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.”  Matthew 6:34

No, I didn’t receive bad news of a terminal illness, but I realized in this test that I lack something I must ask God for – a sensitivity, not to physical movement, but to God’s work in my life, whether or not I understand what He’s doing.  I must remember – He is in control even when it seems life is spinning out of control.  A great lesson for all of us to remember in our lives and in our marriages.

Have a great weekend!

In previous entries I wrote about letting the insiders define the relationship that each one wanted to have with me and also about meeting their felt needs. In doing so Amy adopted me as her daddy, Sophia wanted me to give her weekly baths and now bedtime stories, and Alleylieu just wasn’t sure what she wanted. So I always tried to be the friend that she never had. I worked 24/7 to meet the needs of the inside girls and satisfy the longings of their broken hearts.

 But as I did this, my hope was also that I might win the heart of each insider for myself. I didn’t want the scenario in United States of Tara where Buck seeks romantic companionship outside the marriage to be played out in my marriage. So as I attended to my girls’ needs and desires, my hope was that some day, they might turn their affection toward me when they were ready.

 And after two years of constant attention to them, all three of the main insiders have given me their hearts (affectionately, not romantically). The most obvious change is in Alleylieu. She and I are now dating. This has been a slow progression. We talk a lot about what she wants in a boyfriend so that I don’t overstep the boundaries she needs. And currently the relationship is very “pre-teen” in how it is fleshed-out between us, but I’m just so excited that the girl who used to vehemently hate me, now wants to be my girlfriend. In fact, she’s happy that I’m her boyfriend!

 I won’t go into details because I don’t want to embarrass her, but if you are the spouse of a DID person, bringing the insiders into your marriage relationship should be the goal of healing. You need to meet them where they are, as I did. But then as you pour love and healing into their lives, you gently help them move to where they need to be. This is something that you can’t rush. It has to be on the various insiders’ time table, not yours or mine.

 I don’t need to tell you that your spouse is probably unable to function as a “normal” adult in many areas of her life. That’s not intended to be an insult to people with DID, but it is simply a result of the DID. Karen does NOT have access to all the qualities that she needs to function as an adult woman who is also a wife. Amy and Alleylieu definitely hold large portions of the core personality of my wife. And even little Sophia has something to contribute.

 When the insiders first entered my life, I told them, “I will never be happy if you go away” whenever talk of integration caused them to fear for their existence. I have been told by some ladies that their husbands “just want the insiders to go away.” That is the worst thing that could ever happen if you want to have a healthy wife. Those insiders will bring key aspects to your wife’s personality that she is currently missing. So the goal should always be for you to woo and win the hearts of the insiders so they want to stay! This should never be done under false pretenses, but if any man gives himself over to caring for and loving these insiders, they will naturally become drawn to his appropriate affection for them. And as the healing continues, hopefully, the insiders will some day want to be part of a relationship with such a caring man.

 My girls aren’t fully there yet. Though we are now boyfriend and girlfriend, Alleylieu makes it very clear that she does not want to marry me. But I hope some day that will change as I continue to shower the appropriate kind of affection on each little girl that has entered my life. As I said previously, in my mind integration is not about annihilating the insiders. It’s about bringing them outside permanently to take their place in the wonderful person I call my spouse. I think the same will be true for you, too!

 Blessings.

 Sam, I Am.