To me, this prayer by Mother Teresa is the gold standard.  It is the gold standard of parenting.  This prayer describes the kind of Mom I strive to be; the kind of example I hope to set for my children.  And although I fail more than I would like, I aspire to be THIS woman.

Dear Jesus,

Help us to spread Your fragrance everywhere we go.

Flood our souls with Your spirit and life.

Penetrate and possess our whole being, so utterly, that our lives may

Only be a radiance of Yours.

Shine through us, and be so in us, that every soul we come in contact

with may feel Your presence in our soul.

Let them look up and see no longer us, but only Jesus!

Stay within us, and then we shall begin to shine as You shine;  so to shine

as to be a light to others.

The light O Jesus will be all from You, none of it will be ours;

It will be You shining on others through us.

Let us thus praise You without preaching, not by words but by example,

By catching the force, the sympathetic influence of what we do,

The evident fullness of the love our hearts bear to you.

Amen

Amy Pedersen

The Miracle of Me from conception to birth

www.themiracleofme.com

There are two “perfect days” Samuel and I have had over the years… The first was August 4, 2000. We had broken up in April. He was saved in July, and then August 4th, we started dating again. Since then, we have always called August 4th the perfect day. Caroline was born August 11th, and the newspaper headline was “The Perfect Day.”

I am still adjusting to having an infant and a toddler in the house all day every day- still learning how to make everything happen before I crash for the night. Someone asked me last week how the moms at the Ramp do it. How are we full-time moms and wives, burning for God, active on the ministry team, involved in the services, and so on. I wish I knew. The question sparked so many thoughts. Among them are of the perfect day.

My perfectly structured day would look something like this…
6:45 am I wake up after a full night’s rest. I fix a cup of coffee and a bowl of cereal and sit down at the breakfast table with my Bible.

7:00-8:00 I am praying and studying the Word while the children are sleeping. The house is quiet, and I can really focus. By now, I have moved to the living room sofa and am sitting in front of the picture window where the sun rises each morning. The sunlight spilling through the trees and fog is the perfect backdrop.

8:00-Lunch The kids wake up and I make them breakfast (and myself second breakfast if chocolate chip pancakes are on the menu). I have to clean the kitchen, which naturally leads into other random household chores. I seem to do these best in the morning. While they watch a movie, I get ready for the day.
After he’s finished eating, I work with William on something educational- his reading cards, numbers, letters, etc. Then, if the weather is nice, we take a walk in the stroller, or if need be, we run errands around town. We come home, eat a simple lunch, and go for a nap-time ride.

1:00-3:00 William should be napping, Caroline is probably asleep too, and I have mommy time. Usually this means laundry time. It needs to mean work-out time if I’m going to be in shape by Christmas production, but that’s another blog another day.

3:30-7:00 I need to start thinking about dinner. We like to eat early, so I’m usually cooking by 4. By 6:30, we’ve all eaten and the kitchen is clean.

7:00-8:00 Bath time for the kids, pj’s, teeth brushed, clothes down the chute, night-time stories read, & lights out.

8:00- bedtime The marathon is over.

This day rarely happens, but maybe just getting it out of my head and into words will put a bit of motivation behind it. Being a wife & mom is a more than a full-time job. Way more. Throw in helping to fuel a great awakening, and it can be a bit overwhelming. But somehow, the grace to just do it is always there.
Right now especially, I can’t make it to all the services, but I almost always watch online. When I do make it to the services, I usually sit in the green room and watch on the screen. It’s not like being in the sanctuary, but it keeps me a part of what’s going on.

The bottom line is that I can do this. And maybe this whole thing is just to tell myself that again (I missed tonight’s service so I could get the kids in bed). There were lots of women who set examples of how to raise children in a home that is burning for God- some of those women raised a lot more than 3 children. The thing that distinguishes the successful Christian moms who raised successful Christian children is simply that they did it. Every day. Damon Thompson defines spiritual maturity as the “consistent application of elementary things.” This is true for successful mothering too. It’s not in having a weekend to cram motherhood in; it’s the every day instilling of structure and prayer in their lives. They are observing so much more than we realize, and we are laying a foundation that the future structure of their every day lives will be built on.

So, what are we teaching our children by our lives- our habits, our free time, our priorities? What does the perfect day need to look like? What’s keeping us from living it? If you are a parent, nothing is more important than making sure that your children see what Christianity is supposed to look like in you. If there’s anything hindering that vision, pay whatever it costs to change it.

My children gave me a revelation.

Becoming a parent is an amazing thing, it gives you great insight into the ‘father’ love of God. It gives you great insight into unconditional love.
But my children gave me an insight into the art of being a follower.

One afternoon, my daughter is begging me for attention.
mum
I’m at my computer, busy with something or other.
muuuuumma

They just wanted my attention. They had done something I had asked and wanted my affection and approval. Some times I cast them aside with a distracted, o wow hunni, or a glance and unenthusiastic yeah.
My girls just want to please me, their world revolves around me.
They imitate me
I see their cute wiggle as they dance awkward and gangly – just like their mumma
I see them licking the last little bits of ice cream from the bowl - just like their mumma
I see giggles, impatience, expressions, mannerisms and flaws – just like their mumma
Because I am their whole world.
I am all they know at the moment and all they want to be.

Maybe that is what the bible means when it says the kingdom belongs to them.
If God was my whole world,
Then I would wake and sleep revolving around Him.
I would do all I could do to please Him.
I would follow and imitate.

God is my Father – and we spend a lot of time thinking about what that means for Him.
I am his child – and that means something for me.

Well, as you can tell if you are a faithful reader of my blog.  Gabby started school this year.  Kindergarten.  She is attending the Christian School with my other daughters, Riverside.

Well, when we heard at the end of last year that they would have a new kindergarten teacher we were overjoyed.  The current one, I did not feel was able to meet the needs of my youngest child, Gabby.  Gabby can be a handful.  Then we started praying for this new teacher.  We prayed for someone who would love God first and serve Him with all their heart.  Someone who was a strict in discipline and would not change the rules.  Would uphold what they believed in.  Someone that Gabby could not manipulate.  We got what we prayed for.  Then we started praying for Gabby.

Well, she made it three days before she had what I like to call a Gabby situation.  Each student is required to bring in a large bottle of GermX and a small travel size bottle.  Well, Gabby decided that her desk was covered in germs and began to smear her little bottle of GermX all over her desk and then she said the germs traveled up her body, so she continued to coat herself with the GermX.  The little boy sitting next to her must of also been covered in germs because she also coated him with it.  His response was that it felt good.  And that only added fuel to the fire.  The teacher was upset.  First of all little girls are not suppose to touch little boys.  There is a distance rule.  Unfortunately, Gabby is all about finding the rules and stretching them to fit her perspective.  So needless to say, Gabby now sits by a little girl and she is on GermX rations.  She says this is so unfair.

When my dh explained this to me, I thought if this was the only thing Gabby does in her first week of school than she is having a good week.  I spoke too soon.

The next day, Gabby had one of her accidents.  She does not like to stop what she is doing and use the restroom.  So she just goes where ever she is.  I am prepared for this and she has extra clothes, but I forgot about the shoe problem, where does pee run, downhill of course.  So my dh had to get up after working all night and take his darling daughter a pair of sneakers.  He was not happy.  Gabby was not happy that it was daddy that brought the shoes and she so innocently explained that it was not her fault, she couldn’t get her belt down fast enough.  Darn belt she said.

As I heard four different versions of what happened at the end of the day, I still thought to myself this time that Gabby was not doing too bad.

So we finished out the week with no further events that Gabby ended up in the center of.  And she is looking forward to next week.  I only hope her teacher and classmates are.

M

A few weeks ago, I wrote a post entitled The Best Secret I Know that specifically addressed the positive effects that practicing Natural Family Planning (NFP) can have on marriages. Although the practice of NFP (read “no contraception”) is typically thought of as a Catholic thing, these effects have been recognized by Catholics and Protestants alike.

The fact that only 2-4% of NFP-practicing couples get divorced is a statistic that should catch your eye and make you consider whether it’s a practice worth embracing in your marriage. But, when we talk about NFP, we’re talking about something much more important than just a tool for marriage enhancement. We’re talking about seeing marriage and sexuality with the eyes of God and getting the most fulfillment out of your sexual relationship in marriage. That, in short, is what this post is all about.

Everyone thinks they know why the Catholic Church is against the use of contraception. Some of my favorite things that people say about the issue are:

“The Church is just trying to control people because it thinks sex is bad, wrong and evil!”
“The Church is just trying to make sure there are more Catholics to fill it’s coffers!”
“Those old celibate men need to keep their teaching out of my bedroom and stick to something they know about!”

If you’ve ever heard, said or thought some of these things (or even if you haven’t) I invite you check out this post and find out what’s really behind Catholic teaching on NFP and contraception. Be warned, however, that this might just make more sense than you’d like.

In the beginning, God made man and woman, one but separate. Their purpose was written in their very anatomy, and God reiterated that purpose with the commandment “Be fruitful and multiply.”

You’ve heard all of this before but it’d be cheating to sit back and act like procreation was the only reason that God created sex. He made it something more. He upped the ante a bit by making it pleasurable.

Have you ever stopped to think about why God did that? He didn’t have to, you know. He could have just programmed us with biological urges that would compel us to continue the species, but he didn’t. He gave us pleasure, so that sex could serve some other purpose beyond mere procreation out of biological necessity.

When the Church talks about this reality, it refers to the two purposes of “conjugal love,” the unitive and the procreative.

The man and the woman were created to share in this love, but under the right conditions. Think of sexual love like nuclear energy. If harnessed to one end, nuclear reactions can produce power that provides warmth for millions of people. If used towards another end, it can produce destruction that wipes millions from the face of the earth in an instant. In the same way, sex can deepen the relationship between a man and a woman. Used in another way, it can tear people apart.

Thus, God created marriage as the perfect environment for sex to be employed. He built it around the caveat that a man and a woman would enter into the union of matrimony and promise their whole selves to one another. We are taught that the sexual act should mirror the wedding vows between a husband and a wife. It is a reiteration of the promises that a man and woman made to one another on their wedding day.

If I had stood in front of Michelle on our wedding day and said, “I give all of myself to you except…(fill in the blank)” it would not have gone over well. We like to think that a wedding is about total surrender of two individuals to one another for the good of their life together. So, if sex should be a reiteration of this total giving of self that we began on our wedding day, how could we say to each other, “I give my whole self to you except… my fertility?”

This is what people do all the time though, isn’t it? They understand that sex has the power to unite couples but, for one reason or another, they aren’t willing to embrace it’s procreative power. They divorce the purposes of sex, saying, I want this (the unitive purpose), not that (the procreative purpose)…as if God created sex as some sort of cafeteria style blessing for couples.

None of us would ever go for any plan that would take the pleasurable, unitive purpose out of sex. We like that part! It’s the “good” part, right? But we’re perfectly willing to take out the other part of sex, aren’t we?

When we do this, it’s like we’re pretending that there are two parts of ourselves, the body and the spirit (or soul) that can be separated or divorced from one another. Unfortunately, as hard as we try, we just can’t separate our body from our spirit. They are intricately and inseparably wrapped up in one another. NFP recognizes this fact and never asks the couple to pretend that the body and soul, the unitive and procreative purposes of sex, can be divorced from one another. It allows the man and the woman to give all of themselves to one another every time.

But!… Answering a Few Objections

I am going to take just one more moment to acknowledge and answer a few more objections that people have to the teaching of the church on this topic.

This doesn’t mean unlimited kids - The Church teaches that a couple is to practice responsible parenthood, taking into account social, economic and psychological issues when determining the size of their family. It says that it is up to the couple to seek God’s guidance when answering the question, “How many kinds should we have?” In fact, it says that not even a priest should offer guidance to a couple to this effect, because it’s between that couple and God.

NFP is just like contraception - If you mean that, when used correctly, NFP is just as effective in preventing pregnancy as artificial contraception, you’re right. If you mean that, morally and theologically, using NFP to avoid pregnancy is the same as using artificial contraception, I respectfully disagree. NFP doesn’t try to control or manipulate the body. It seeks to understand the body, and the natural periods of fertility and infertility that are built into a woman’s cycle. If a couple determines that they are not ready to get pregnant, then they commit to a time of mutual celibacy.

The apostle Paul advocated for these times of celibacy for the purpose of spiritual growth, saying to the Corinthian church, “Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer.”

NFP Takes Away our Power- I’ve heard Michelle tell people on numerous occasions, “I don’t need to take a pill to make me feel like I’m in control.” The pill (and other forms of chemical contraception) doesn’t give you power over your body. The pill has the power and control.

Ask couples who get off the pill and are trying to achieve pregnancy if they’re in control. I believe you’ll find story after story of couples being subjected to the long-term effects of the drug and experiencing frustration in conceiving.

NFP gives you the power and tools to understand your body’s (or your wife’s body) natural functions. That is real power.

Where Can I Find Out More?
Most of this teaching comes from a variety of sources, including the documents of the Second Vatican Council, John Paul II’s Theology of the Body and other documents. However, it is synthesized in a document put out by the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops entitled, Marriage: Love and Life in the Divine Plan.

If you’re interested in learning more about the practice of NFP, post in the comments or email me at cwilliston@gmail.com and I will gladly forward you towards good resources.

There are two “perfect days” Samuel and I have had over the years… The first was August 4, 2000. We had broken up in April. He was saved in July, and then August 4th, we started dating again. Since then, we have always called August 4th the perfect day. Caroline was born August 11th, and the headline was “The Perfect Day.”

I am still adjusting to having an infant and a toddler in the house all day every day- still learning how to make everything happen before I crash for the night. Someone asked me last week how the moms at the Ramp do it. How are we full-time moms and wives, burning for God, active on the ministry team, involved in the services, and so on.  I wish I knew. The question sparked so many thoughts. Among them are of the perfect day.

My perfectly structured day would look something like this…
6:45 am     I wake up after a full night’s rest. I fix a cup of coffee and a bowl of cereal and sit down at the breakfast table with my Bible.

7:00-8:00     I am praying and studying the Word while the children are sleeping. The house is quiet, and I can really focus. By now, I have moved to the living room sofa and am sitting in front of the picture window where the sun rises each morning. The sunlight spilling through the trees and fog is the perfect backdrop.

8:00-Lunch     The kids wake up and I make them breakfast (and myself second breakfast if chocolate chip pancakes are on the menu). I have to clean the kitchen, which naturally leads into other random household chores. I seem to do these best in the morning. While they watch a movie, I get ready for the day.
After he’s finished eating, I work with William on something educational- his reading cards, numbers, letters, etc. Then, if the weather is nice, we take a walk in the stroller, or if need be, we run errands around town. We come home, eat a simple lunch, and go for a nap-time ride.

1:00-3:00      William should be napping, Caroline is probably asleep too, and I have mommy time. Usually this means laundry time. It needs to mean work-out time if I’m going to be in shape by Christmas production, but that’s another blog another day.

3:30-7:00    I need to start thinking about dinner. We like to eat early, so I’m usually cooking by 4. By 6:30, we’ve all eaten and the kitchen is clean.

7:00-8:00   Bath time for the kids, pj’s, teeth brushed, clothes down the chute, night-time stories read, & lights out.

8:00- bedtime    The marathon is over.

This day rarely happens, but maybe just getting it out of my head and into words will put a bit of motivation behind it. Being a wife & mom is a more than a full-time job. Way more. Throw in helping to fuel a great awakening, and it can be a bit overwhelming. But somehow, the grace to just do it is always there.
Right now especially, I can’t make it to all the services, but I almost always watch online. When I do make it to the services, I usually sit in the green room and watch on the screen. It’s not like being in the sanctuary, but it keeps me a part of what’s going on.

The bottom line is that I can do this. And maybe this whole thing is just to tell myself that again (I missed tonight’s service so I could get the kids in bed). There were lots of women who set examples of how to raise children in a home that is burning for God- some of those women raised a lot more than 3 children. The thing that distinguishes the successful Christian moms who raised successful Christian children is simply that they did it. Every day. Damon Thompson defines spiritual maturity as the “consistent application of elementary things.” This is true for successful mothering too. It’s not in having a weekend to cram motherhood in; it’s the every day instilling of structure and prayer in their lives. They are observing so much more than we realize, and we are laying a foundation that the future structure of their every day lives will be built on.

So, what are we teaching our children by our lives- our habits, our free time, our priorities? What does the perfect day need to look like? What’s keeping us from living it? If you are a parent, nothing is more important than making sure that your children see what Christianity is supposed to look like in you. If there’s anything hindering that vision, pay whatever it costs to change it.

The next series of Raising Incredible Kids starts this Tuesday, August 31 at The Crossing Church. Don’t miss out on the opportunity to transform your family. The new curriculum was written for today’s Christian Parents in order to teach God’s plan and design for our families.

Click this link to sign up now. SIGN UP FOR RIK

I recently interviewed the academic dean of our fair university about something called the Success Initiative. It is a concerted action by faculty and administrators to direct the efforts of students toward “success”–that is, their ability to become the adults they should be when they graduate. It involves CORE–a series of classes that intentionally establish their mindset and the university culture in the direction of spiritual, intellectual and emotional maturity.

That’s all well and good. I applaud the dean and the taskforce that is working on this Initiative. I do know that changing corporate culture is not something to be taken lightly. In fact, in most cases, an institution’s efforts to change its own culture usually fail. The only way they succeed is if the people involved–ALL the people involved–buy into the change.

That’s the thing about organizational culture. It’s organic. It consists of unwritten rules and mores established by those who consider themselves part and parcel of the culture. We had a university president who came to the school a few years ago (not the president we have now) who didn’t like the way things were done. He determined to change things–and it was duck for cover time for the rest of us. Three years later, he was being shown the door, and the organizational culture went back to being the way it had always been.

And so I tell the academic dean–and the Taskforce–”Good luck.” Their intentions are meritorious. I hope they succeed. I’ll do what I can to help them. But there are no guarantees.

One phrase that came out of the interview with the dean stuck with me. Maybe it did because it was one I liked, one I firmly believe in. He referred to the University supporting “unity, not uniformity.” Well said. <applauds>

I live in the Bible belt. I have always attended relatively conservative churches, some more conservative than others. Some of my fellow church members considered me liberal. My own children consider me conservative. And I consider myself a moderate. The reality is, like most everyone, there are some things I am pretty liberal about and others I am conservative about. I read science fiction, am a pacifist and listen to NPR, which some Christians would consider pretty liberal. I listen to classical music, own two shotguns and am relatively pro-life, which in itself can be considered conservative. And so, I don’t think it’s fair to peg me in one camp, just as I hesitate to label others “liberal” or “conservative.”

I have no problem with conservatives–or liberals. I do have a problem with closed-minded people. I feel sad for those who feel a certain way, and are so convinced that their way is right that they just know that anyone who believes otherwise needs to be corrected–or stoned. Maybe it’s my education that has taught me to be this way. It’s a term I call pluralism, a dirty word in some people’s vocabulary. But to me, it just makes sense.

I am a firm believer in unity, but not in uniformity. I don’t believe in cookie cutter religion, or politics, or education. I do believe in values. My wife and I are vastly different people. But we do share common values about the importance of family, and putting God first. We respect our differences. We cherish our commonality.

I’m glad we have an academic dean who can promote and proceed with a policy that establishes values for our school. I wish him luck and will pray for his success. In the meantime, I applaud the call for unity. Unity without uniformity.

Way to go, dean.

Thus are the words of Groucho Marx.  I’d like to take a step back from the usual fare of sacred architecture to draw your attention to something more worthy of your attention.  Two very good friends of mine from CUA, Will and Lydia Cubbedge, moved their married life and adorable 2-year-old away from the murky swamp of Washington DC to the Jewel of the South, Savannah GA.  Lydia maintains a blog, purpuraria, and it’s basically little reflections from a Catholic wife and mother; ipso facto, it’s far more worthy of attention than this whole, “sacred architecture, liturgy, grrrr,” thing.  Read it, and be amazed.