May 2010 New Christian Book Release!

The Money Answer Book
by David Ramsey
This question and answer book is the perfect resource guide for equipping individuals with key information about everyday money matters.

Questions and answers deal with 100+ of the most-asked questions from The Dave Ramsey Show—everything from budget planning to retirement planning or personal buying matters, to saving for college and charitable giving. This is Dave in his most popular format—ask a specific question, get a specific answer.

About David Ramsey
Dave Ramsey is a personal money management expert, a popular national radio personality, and NYT best-selling author of The Total Money Makeover. A follow-up of his successful NYT Financial Peace and More Than Enough, Ramsey exemplifies his life’s work of teaching others how to be financially responsible.

Ramsey knows first-hand what financial peace means in his own life–living a true rags-to-riches-to-rags-to-riches story. He has since rebuilt his financial life and now devotes himself full-time to helping ordinary people understand the forces behind their financial distress and how to set things right.

Ramsey offers life-changing financial advice as host of a nationally syndicated radio program, The Dave Ramsey Show, which is heard by more than 4.5 M listeners each week on more than 450 radio stations in the USA.

He resides with his wife, Sharon, and their three children in Nashville, Tennessee.

See other Christian Book on Finance at Emmaus Road Christian Store!

I have been thinking a lot about words. The words I use every day with my kids. As a homeschooling mom, my kids are with me all day. They  see and hear all that I do. As  I was thinking about training them the right way, I was reminded that my life and example is what teaches them. Period. I can formally lecture them about what is important to me, but ultimately they will know what I value  by what I say and do. 

So, if my life is the message, what is it saying? 

Is it saying:

 ”God dependent” or “self-reliant?”

  ”Word filled” or “world filled?”

“Content in life” or “complainer?”

“Kind and loving” or “bitter and hateful?”

  ”Others focused” or “self-absorbed?”

This week I am praying that God will enable me to live the message. His message. I am praying that He will help me to want to put my own wants and feelings aside and to walk humbly through life as though Jesus Christ is right beside me, walking along with me, witnessing my words and actions. Because He is. And I will answer to Him someday for the job that I did with the kids He entrusted to me.

I grew up in a family full of tradition, rich tradition that had been passed from generation to generation.  Some of those traditions I still carry on with my own children, but there are some traditions that we have stumbled on all by ourselves.  One of my favorite traditions happened by accident, and at the time, not even by ‘happy accident’!  It all started on an important evening when I reeeeeeeally needed a babysitter…

When my husband married me 7 years ago he also gained what he affectionately refers to as his “Sparkle Girls”.  There’s a whole ‘nuther story to go along with the name, and I will tell it sometime for sure, but the point is, he was pretty in love with all three of us on the day he and I got married.  That husband of mine is a true gem, and without a doubt the man of my dreams!  My husband’s Sparkle Girls were 6 and 7 on the day he became their Daddy.   During our wedding ceremony, the four of us lit a common unity candle, symbolizing that we were all becoming one family.  Since the day they met, each Sparkle Girl and Daddy have foreged their own unique and significant relationship with one another.  It has been really beautiful to watch tenderness, respect, and love blossom between father and daughter over the last 7 years.

So, back on that important evening when the babysitter bailed and I longed to go out to a fancy, romantic, child free restaurant with my wonderful husband and celebrate our first anniversary, I was not very happy that our Sparkle Girls would be tagging along.  I wanted it to be just the two of us, but instead a family tradition was born.

This year we celebrated our 7th anniversary, commemorating it as we have for every anniversary meal since that first one, out together, celebrating the anniversary of our family’s birth.  Since that first anniversary we have added a son to our family and as we gathered around the steak house

dining table, I delighted in the presence of my husband and our 3 children as we shared celebratory meal honoring not only our marriage, but the bond of family it represents as well.  Not to worry, we have had and continue to have our time for celebrating our marriage all alone as a couple!  This year we will celebrate by taking a trip to Italy and Switzerland this summer, all alone, but for now, this is one family tradition we cherish.

What are some of the family traditions that you share with your family?  I would love to hear about them!  Please come out of the internet shadows and share them in the comment section!  Just click on the word “comment” below and follow the prompts.  Thanks!

Our Family in 2003

Our Family in 2010

I recently got taken to task for being too mundane in this blog. You know, talking about laundry and sewing, children and food waste. I had not thought it was mundane. I realize it is not the most interesting subject matter but mundane?

Yes ( my anonymous critic) I do have some expensive degrees. I went to universityand seminary for knowledge – the knowledge of how to learn and think. I didn’t go to trade schools. I wish I had done so as well, because then I would have a job that paid sufficiently. But earning money is not the reason for learning to learn.

As for the mundane – I believe there are many of us who are facinated by the mundane. I don’t mean in that worrisome know-everything-about-the-Red-Sox way, but that we see the meaning of life in the mundane. We see the universe in a drop of water, perhaps. We see the underpinnings of society in children’s games and stories. We certainly see the hand of God in His Creation, right down to tadpoles and grains of sand. We see the happiness of our family groups and our social groups in homebaked bread and laundry hung out on a clothesline.

Those of us who love the mundane and live in it with joy have accepted that life is not about bigger, better experiences. Maybe we will never see Paris or Tokyo or even Vancouver. It just doesn’t matter. We don’t just stop to smell the roses, we live in rose gardens. Often, our journeys are within a small circuit, because for those of us who are Christians, we know that God has already given us heaven in Jesus Christ.

The simple sensory experiences are enough. Homemade cupcakes, fresh baked bread, an herb garden on a warm day. A garden chaos of tulips, star of bethlehem, lily of the valley, lilac. A green canopy of maple leaves overhead. Stars over the lake. Two dogs and a small child running around on the grass. A husband’s loving smile. Even the grey hair I see in the mirror and the scuffed comfortable boots I wear most days. All this is an acceptance of my life as I have lived it, and the gifts of joy the Lord puts before us.

I don’t want to live in a world where I must have anxiety over a lack of perfection (however perfection is defined that day). I like our world of surprises and changes; some of them have been scary,but the Lord has provided. I will let God look after perfection, and I’ll tend the small garden He put in my hands, imperfect and troubled as it may be at times; there is more joy than trouble in it.

First off, this site is specifically for “Verbal/Mental Abuse between a husband and wife within a “Christian” marriage. If you are suffering from PHYSICAL abuse, that is beyond me and the scope of this site, I am unqualified and inexperienced in such matters. Please refer to Lundy Bancroft’s web- page, he has links for physically abused women and the steps she should take. Blessings to you.

My journey may seem a foolish one to most people, but I am trusting in the Lord’s word that say’s “He makes all things beautiful in His time”. The beauty may not be here on earth, or within my marriage; it just may be in the realms of heaven. But my God is faithful and true, in Him will I put my trust.

For those women who believe as I do, when the word says that God hates divorce- it means- He really does hate it. So instead of finding loop-holes, and contingencies for doing something God hates; let’s try and seek the Lord, in His word and by the strength of the Spirit to persevere THROUGH this marriage. For we know that All things work together for good, to them who love God, to them who are called according to His purposes.

There are people who are born in hostile environments and are persecuted for their faith. They have to lean on scripture and trust in the Lord to get them through their times of trials and testing. They will have their reward. So when we are suffering through times of trials and testing, let’s get the same mindset to allow the Lord to carry us through, then we too may receive a reward for our obedience and stedfastness.

You have heard that it has been said, You shall love your neighbor, and hate your enemy. But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you. That is the LAST thing the flesh wants to do but that is the first thing the Lord would have us do! In and of ourselves this would be a monumental, if not, impossible task. But we can take God at His word and proclaim…I CAN do ALL things THROUGH CHRIST who strengthens me. Pray the word, claim the word, live the word- have a victorious life even in the midst of pain.

When the apostle Paul was in chains and house bound in prison by the psycho emperor, Nero, what was his reaction? Was it an escape plan, was it depression, was it rebellion? No, he turned to the Lord and used his time there to encourage others, and bringing people to the Lord. To this day, 2000 years later, we can still rejoice in the fruit of this man’s obedience when we open up the epistles. Let’s take that example even when we are forbidden to leave the house, or have other punishments or restrictions placed on us, our husbands may mean it for evil, but God can use it for good-if we let Him.

I have walked this journey for 21 years, there are times when I have fallen at the feet of Jesus begging him to take this cup from me. There are times when I see the victorious fruit of His work in my life and the lives of my children. There are times of darkness and confusion- wondering what in the world am I doing this for?! There are times when I can almost see the heavenly Kingdom and the new life to come, which encourages my heart to persevere in this fallen and temporal world.

Romans 8:

13For if ye live after the flesh, ye shall die: but if ye through the Spirit do mortify the deeds of the body, ye shall live.

14For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, they are the sons of God.

15For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father.

16The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God:

17And if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint-heirs with Christ; if so be that we suffer with him, that we may be also glorified together.

18For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.

19For the earnest expectation of the creature waiteth for the manifestation of the sons of God.

~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:

You are free to go through the “Subjects” in any order you wish but I prepared them in this order:

1. Introduction

2. Abuse Profile (gathered from various sites)

3. Counseling with an Abuser (gathered from various sites)

4. Grounding our Relationship with our Lord

5. Persecution- our response

6. Pslam 119- Pattern

7. Thanksgiving

8. Assessing Change in the Abuser (gathered from various sites)

9. Women in Deed (coming soon)

10. Guiding the House & Training Children (coming soon)

11. Personal Testimony (coming soon)

Blessings upon you on this journey Through Abuse.

The contents within this site are only directed to those who have a relationship with the LORD Jesus Christ our Savior.  It is only through Him and the work of the Holy Spirit can we walk “Through” this journey.

Being involved in a Verbally abusive marriage can really mess with your mind.  The lies, the manipulation, control, slander etc can break us down and cause us not to think straight. It is important to renew our mind and come back to our “first Love”, Christ Jesus our Lord.

We need to remember that we should not place our comfort, attention, affection, happiness, protection, and desires on a man; but on the God who truly cares for us.

Ground yourself in the Word of God, so that when the storms come…(and you know they will!) you may be prepared to stand! Not reacting in the flesh, because in our flesh there dwells no good thing. But reacting in the Spirit, through His strength and Power, thus His protection, leading, and results.

Below are some verses that you can go over to re-establish your relationship with the Lord, helping to keep in mind the different attributes about him- remembering His great Love He has for us.

I like to print them out and meditate over them throughout the day. I underline, highlight and jot down other verses that come to mind. When my heart aches with pain and loneliness, I go running to His word and let Him speak Comfort and Grace to my broken heart.

Mercies upon you.

By Guest Blogger, Amy Vogel

A devotional from Proverbs 31 Ministries this week was about letting “little foxes” get into the vineyard of your marriage. Taken from Song of Solomon 2:15 which says, “Catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom.” It centered on maintaining a strong Christian marriage by forgiving your spouse for an offense immediately, almost as soon as you’ve been offended.

However, there are other little foxes that sneak into our minds. Maybe it’s feelings of insecurity or uncertainty about the future. Or annoyance with the constant drama of children; Perhaps you are sick of routine or worried over illness.  It could be physical exhaustion with no end in sight to the “to do” list.  You could need to figure out what to make for dinner from a bare pantry, with no funds to refill it.  Whatever they are, they sneak in and steal joy.

Some people might chalk all this up to hormones or even stress.  Either way, you might feel the need to escape, run away or just plain check out.

We all face these foxes.  While we must be on active alert, it is not our job to hunt down and destroy those things that creep into our emotional consciousness.  We must remember who we are and where our power comes from.  We are sheep and the same Shepherd who protects from the roaring lion also protects from these little foxes that have crept into the mental hen house and nipping our heels to death.

So, how do we access the power of The Good Shepherd to protect us?

We can practice 3 things:

Realize.

These things are sent to distract us.  These foxes lurking around throw us into a frenzy because when we are worked up, we are ineffective.  We become focused on all things horizontal rather than all things vertical.  The power of the spoken word combats these feelings.  So, admit it.  Out loud.  Speaking or writing out our thoughts can remove their power over us.  Moses and the Psalmists confessed their issues to The Lord and as a result, they discovered this freedom.

Return.

After realizing where you are, you can look for a way to get out.  Romans 12:2 reminds we are transformed by the renewing of our minds, so then we determine where God wants us to go.  When the little foxes creep in, get out your Bible.  Let God’s Word shine the light on the path forward.

Restore.

Once the light is on, there is no turning it off.  The light of His word reveals the path out of the darkness and brings His Spirit in the midst of our situation.  This is the same Spirit called the Comforter.  When you are fighting a mental battle, who better to have on your side?

Our Good Shepherd will lead you beside the still waters, away from that dark place of emotion, into the light of His love and peace.

The verses that bookend Song of Solomon 2:15 talk about The Lord as a hiding place, where we see His face, hear His voice and walk with Him.  He is mighty to save and He is holding on.  There is no need to sit in the nasty chicken coop, letting the little foxes get the upper hand.  You can escape to fresh mental air through The Word – to let Him renew your mind and restore your soul.

It’s a choice you have control over – for redemption and renewal in His Truth.

Go for a walk with Him; let Him remind you who you are and that He is firmly in control.

Let Jesus take you away; after all, tomorrow has enough little foxes of its own.

Amy Vogel is a writer and speaker, called to encourage God’s people for the betterment of God’s Church.  Amy has spoken at South Main’s MOPS, Mothers of Preschoolers, group, among others.

She is currently the Houston Christian Living Examiner and contributor to Response Magazine.  She is writing a book about going to a new level of faith in Christ, called Vertical Focus.  Amy is blessed with an awesome husband, two crazy, beautiful daughters and is a member of Bear Creek United Methodist Church.

Links:

Examiner Page

Personal Blog

Find her on Facebook here or on twitter here

The human body has many parts. The foot might say, “Because I am not a hand, I am not a part of the body.” But saying this would not stop the foot from being a part of the body. . . . If each part of the body were the same part, there would be no body. But truly God put all the parts, each one of them, in the body as He wanted them. So then there are many parts, but only one body..”

The eye cannot say to the hand, “I don’t need you!” And the head cannot say to the foot, “I don’t need you!” No! Those parts of the body that seem to be the weaker are really necessary. . . . . But God put the body together and gave more honor to the parts that need it so our body would not be divided. God wanted the different parts to care the same for each other. If one part of the body suffers, all the other parts suffer with it. Or if one part of our body is honored, all the other parts share its honor.”

Together you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of that body.”

I Corinthians 12:12-27 NCV

We know that Paul is talking about the gifts in the body of Christ and he goes on to explain the order and place of apostles, prophets and teachers. He states that all are not the same as the other within the body but that all have a purpose and a part to make up ONE body.

Look at your own physical body. How many different parts are there that are all different and have different purposes but all the pieces make up one *complete* body!

Now think about this with reference to Marriage. There is a very good analogy seen here with the description of the body of Christ.

Read it again – slowly – and let it sink in. Ask God to open your heart and mind to receive it.

Now go over to Ephesians 5:21-33. Read it with reference to the above passages. It speaks of the Marriage of the two as ONE body – and the two who are ONE together also being ONE with the body of Christ. In those Scriptures Paul seems as though he is talking about the Marriage relationship but then he relates that this is the MYSTERY. The mystery is that the Marriage relationship emulates or is a mirror image of the relationship of Christ to His Church – or the Bridegroom (Christ) to His Bride (the Church). They are ONE body – they are one to all and to each other.

Flip back to Genesis where God states He made the husband and wife one flesh – can also be read “one body.”

The Christian husband and the Christian wife are individually ONE body with Christ. – and they are totally one with each other and the body of Christ. Again, the body of Christ is also known as the Church or the bride of Christ.

God has given an order and a place for everything. While some people and their purposes may seem to be weaker than others within that body, God gives more honor to the parts that need it to keep the body from being divided. God Himself has put the body of Christ together. Is that not so with the husband and wife that He made ONE from the beginning?

How can the husband or wife say to the other that they are not needed? Because the prodigal spouse says so does not mean that it’s true. A part of the body that says to it’s own body – one spouse to the other – that it’s no longer a part of the body doesn’t make it so! No! The body is still the body and we are to care the same for each other!

Can you fathom cutting off a hand or a foot because you say to it you don’t need it anymore? You might say, “Really how dumb is that? Of course I would never say that to my hand or foot much less cut it off! I need them!”

For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church because we are members of His body. FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND SHALL BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH. . . .” Ephesians 5:29-31 NASB

Well then how can we say this to our beloved Covenant Mate – a part of our own body and the same body that God Himself has put together and made ONE! It’s the same thing. Separating or divorcing yourself from your beloved is like cutting off a hand or foot. Are we not hating our own flesh?

But listen to what GOD says:

The foot might say, ‘Because I’m not a hand, I am not a part of the body.’ But saying this would not stop the foot from being a part of the body. . . .”

How’s that again?

But saying this would not stop [my Covenant Mate] from being a part of [my] body. . . .” Did you see that? How powerful to realize this for the first time…

A husband or wife that says to their Covenant spouse “I don’t need you; you are no longer a part of my body” can say it all they want, but to say it is to *deny* the Truth of the Scriptures. Just as God put the body of Christ together and made them ONE, He also put the bodies of one husband and one wife together and made them ONE flesh – ONE body together for life.

Who of you reading this cannot make the jump from the Scriptures above to the reality of what we’ve done to try to cut off a part of our body – our Covenant Mate – or even maybe what’s been done to us. . . . .

Listen: God says if one part of your body suffers, the other part will suffer also. He also says if one part is honored, the other part will also be honored. The connection: If you decide to divorce or separate from your Covenant spouse who is a part of you, both of you will suffer. God said so – not me. Why would it suffer? Because it’s ONE body! The better and right thing to do is honor each other in the Lord so that both of you will be honored before Him and then before each other.

The precious good news to the one who has been called to Stand in the Gap for restoration of their Marriage is that GOD says it can’t be done! The body cannot be separated from itself.

God himself joined man and wife together; he has fitted them to be comforts and helps for each other. The bond which God has tied, is not to be lightly untied. Let those who are for putting away their wives (or husbands) consider what would become of themselves, if God should deal with them in like manner. — Matthew Henry Concise Commentary

Therefore, what God has joined together, man must never separate.” Mark 10:9 ISV

If God Himself says it, then I believe it – and that settles it. Frankly, the truth is that settles it whether you or I believe it or not. . . .

Can I get an Amen?

–Celia

Sent on the Now Network from my Sprint® BlackBerry

My best friend from elementary school wanted to get together with me. For the purpose of anonymity, I will refer to him as ‘Green,’ since that was his favorite color back in the day. Green found me on Facebook along with a few others from our elementary school. This was the school I went to after I fled Fire and Brimstone Academy in third grade. The damage was already done from Fire and Brimstone, but the tight spring that  wound around my brain there, began to loosen at the New School. I literally was and honestly think  I still am traumatized from the days of Fire and Brimstone. I came from a place where my impending damnation was an everyday reality in my head if not told so somehow by teachers. I still felt the lessons learned a few years beforehand by my nutso kindergarten teacher about  what a totally inferior being I was. I don’t know how it is for normal children, but I took every word that bitch said to my heart.

“Stop crossing your eyes at me!” I’m not aware I’m crossing my eyes or how I can tell if I’m crossing  my eyes. I’m six years-old and have no idea that I’m nearsighted, or what being nearsighted is. All I know is I’m terrified of her and know if I can’t stop it, she may hit me with that paddle of hers like she did that time I went to get a hat I wanted to play with instead of immediately going to the playground. Being pulled into that little bathroom again with that little paddle and that big woman. I won’t let that happen again. I start not looking people in the eye probably from then on, afraid I will look the wrong way.

The threat of the paddle stops me from asking to go to the bathroom after lunch break because she tells us she will be angry if we didn’t go then…I end up soiling my dress, but amazingly the teacher doesn’t find out.

She tells me if I write on the marker board again during another parent/teacher night she will paddle me in front of my mom. I believe her. Adults always tell the truth. Years later, I tell my mom and no, she wouldn’t have let that happen. My mom would have stood up for me and heaven knows what would happen…..Should have known, though I doubt she’d hit a kid in front of a parent. I now know adults do lie.

Sounds silly doesn’t it? Other people shake off little upsets from their past, but not me. I know that woman was crazy, but it seems so easy to look at someone the wrong way either by crossing your eyes or staring. What if I’m staring and not aware of it? What is an appropriate amount of eye contact? I honestly don’t know! Did Emily Post ever write about such a simple thing people already should know?

The New School wasn’t all peace, peaches, and daisies at first either. This was a Montessori school and favored by the wealthy. I wasn’t wealthy, we now lived with my grandparents, so Mom could afford it that way (plus at that time Mom still had credit cards to get us by). I didn’t dress well. I was anxious. I looked pretty weird with my unruly curly hair, stick thin body, and at that time, buck teeth ( I cringe at photos of myself from that era). I naturally became the subject of ridicule for about the first year there. I think it was Green who was the founding member of the short-lived ”I Hate Lisa Club.” Not many can boast the distinction of  a hate group being founded on the dislike of just one person.  Yay!

But time passed, and as it often is with children, my enemies became my friends. Green and Kitty (I’ll call her that because all she wanted was a cat and her dad was allergic) were my best friends, both very different personalities from Joe or Jane Average. Green always had the sense of humor, the kind of class clown who you knew was going to be something someday. He was chubby, short, adorable, sensible, and had one of those ungodly rat-tails that I had the urge to snip. Kitty was the daughter of a university professor,  half-Jewish, and most likely had an IQ of 150. I adored her and was in awe of her at the same time because she was smarter than many  adults and knew it. She was both feminine and boyish, a tomboy, who preferred playing with the boys, and I don’t recall her ever in a dress. She was feminine in that she dressed her plush cat in various silky scarves, though not a girl you could play dolls with, but it was okay. I wanted her hair, gold strands that  went almost down to her waist, on an otherwise plain girl.

I learned so much in those days of  The New School. The Montessori school was the opposite of Fire and Brimstone Academy. The teachers were all liberal-minded, with a focus on hands-on learning (which thankfully,  was different from the ‘hands-on learning’ that was my old  school). At the old school, I remember looking at the cover of  National Geographic with my first grade teacher, the one who loved me. It was a picture of children kneeling around a Buddhist shrine praying. She pointed to the little kids, obviously not much older than me, and said that was why missionaries are needed so badly, to save their souls from being lost. I remember she looked sadder than usual, like she was  about to burst into tears because she was seeing in her head those young in’s being pan fried by the good Lord Christ Jesus  Himself. At that time, the world  began to form a us and them format in my head.  Christians and then everyone else, AKA the future inhabitants of the smoking section of eternity (just like that bumper sticker).

So the good lady gave her students some tracts. These were for giving to anyone out there who would take them, since there were hell-bound folks aplenty around town. Game on!

I only remember giving out one of those little folded papers printed entirely in red (great color for attention grabbing and soul saving). We were at Western Steer restaurant and it moved me to save our waitress from damnation, which is no doubt a nifty and welcome addition to any gratuity. I gave it to her and when she came back to the table I asked if she read the tract. I don’t believe my mom was much keen on my soul saving venture, though all Mama said was she doesn’t have time now.

My second attempt at spreading Jesus around ended my zeal for soul saving. I asked the girl who lived next door to us if she was a Christian.

“What’s that?” she asked.

“Oh…nevermind,” I replied.

At the New School, I came to the interesting realization that the us and them mentality didn’t quite cut it away from the clusters of Fire and Brimstone Academy. There wasn’t America and then everywhere else, which I pictured as a giant Godless place of dictators and idolators who hated Christians (but, hey, Fire and Brimstone had an awesome reading program). At the New School, I learned Jews weren’t just folks in the Bible. Who knew there still were Jewish people, apart from Jesus who is everywhere (even on top of my TV when I watched it, according to one of my teachers at Brimstone)? Besides blond Kitty, there was a boy from Israel with the darkest hair, so there was proof. This might serve as an example of why children ought not be insulated (or taught by wackos). Besides, are any of us all that different in reality? Jesus and Buddha taught about the same thing,  the Pagans and Secular Humanists believe a lot of the same stuff as Christians. All God’s children have a place at the table as far as I’m concerned, and we’re all God’s children regardless of who we are and what we believe or do. Like John Donne said, “No man’s an island unto himself; Ask not for whom the bell tolls, it tolls for thee” or it went something like that.

Life was fun, I didn’t have to worry about the principal taking me in her office and paddling me with an inch thick paddle for not doing my math, which happened a few times and drove me from Fire and Brimstone at last. Sure I  was still anxious afterward, prayed my  perfection prayers, but those were my good old days. Goofing off at any opportunity, making dirty comments and barely understanding them, absorbing the world and beginning to make sense of life and finding a balance between religion and the gigantic world around me.

I also still had my battles with a nut, too. It seems that my own peculiarities or some unseen magnetic force brings forth other mentally not-so-healthy people out of the woodwork  and deposits them in my lap. I learned around age 11 that yes, you can go a bit crazy from grief. Looking back now, I suppose she was predisposed to being a tad cracked since otherwise you probably wouldn’t have a psychotic break, but I believe my principal was teetering on the edge. You see, several years before I met our principal, Mrs. EducatedMisery, one of her two daughters passed away from Hodgkin’s disease. That must have been an awful death for all involved. The daughter, only 12 years-old, must have suffered greatly physically and emotionally, but when her suffering was over, her mother’s had only just begun. I was 11 years-old, just a year younger than her daughter at the time of her death. Somehow it became noticeable I wasn’t as capable of physical exertion without becoming fatigued, that I tended to walk on tiptoe. So my principal decided I needed care right away and had a physical therapist come see me without my mother’s consent, replete with leg braces, etc.

May it be said here that my obsession with my own premature death has plagued me in one way or another since early childhood. So you might imagine my trepidation when Mrs. EducatedMisery told me that if I didn’t see the physical therapist that I may get worser and worser like her daughter did and end up like her. Great. Ganged up on by two adults and told I was going to croak at age 11. Just wonderful.

When my mother learned that I was met with by said physical therapist and principal and  soon to be “fitted,” my mother was PISSED. I mean totally enraged. Banging on the steering wheel angry, plus she was going through the change of life anyway, so even on a good day she could be temperamental.

“I better stop banging my head on the steering wheel or they’ll think I’m mad at you.”

So I didn’t die, for good or ill  I’m still here knocking around. My Mom had taken me to a neurologist. He decided I had attention deficit disorder and hyper reflexia, which is a very mild form of cerebral palsy, though no one would know just looking at me. No muscle in my body ever relaxes completely and my heel chords are short. Otherwise not much worth mentioning. I seem able to stay underwater swimming a bit longer than most, being able to suck my air back down into my lungs and back in my closed mouth. Maybe it is due to the muscles not completely relaxing, who knows?

So that brings me to today. My childhood friend, Green, and I reconnected through Facebook several months ago. For a long time we just followed each other’s updates without really speaking to each other except once in a while in comments on articles Green shared. Green is big into progressive  politics and we shared similar viewpoints.

Then the other day, wham! He says in a private message that we should get together. This scares and delights me at the same time. Green, my best friend as a kid, he whom I thought I would one day marry. This is why  I just dug up so many memories.

Next post: What happened.

Gary Chapman 5 Love Languages. www.fivelovelanguages.com He wrote about 8 versions of this book- for singles, for children, for teenagers, for spouses, etc. All are great books that describe and apply the concept of love languages for each type of relationship.

Everyone speaks one of 5 love languages: gifts, words of appreciation, physical touch, acts of service, or quality time. We feel most cared about when we receive the language we “hear”. But the trick is, we often do not pick partners or have children with the same love language that we “speak”. And we usually give the love language that we “hear” best. Consequently, we often feel like we are giving and giving and giving love, but they don’t “hear” our caring loving actions, and actually can feel very unloved and unappreciated!

So, we need to be aware of our own love language, as well as theirs so that they feel loved and cared about. Otherwise, our efforts are not having the effect we think they “should”.

For example, my love language might be words of appreciation, and so I naturally give my daughter, whom I love very much, lots of compliments and kudos and “I love you so much, you are so beautiful”. But if her love language is gifts, and I neglect to give her little notes or packs of gum, or a special rock that reminds me of her, she does not think I care as much for her as I do. She likes tangible evidence of my love.

Knowing our love language is very important so that we can communicate it to our loved ones and let them know when we appreciate their love offerings. And obviously, learning to speak our loved ones’ language is crucial so that we can give them love and caring in a language they can “hear”. It keeps everyone’s “love tank” filled so that we feel good and loved. Chapman says that relationships are much more satisfying and nurturing when we are conscience of how THE OTHER ONE likes to be loved and give it to them.

I have applied these concepts to my relationships with my parents too, and it clears up lots of missed opportunities or confusing interactions.

I highly recommend any one of the books on 5 Love Languages!

We are continuing our Love Is series…

Arrogance is easily detected by those who are observing it in others, yet it is hardly noticed by those who are themselves arrogant.

I should know because I lived completely unaware of my own arrogance for years until the Lord in His mercy decided it was time to give me a good look at myself in the mirror.   It was a painful reality to see my reflection as others always had.  And the realization that my husband loved me in spite of my arrogance brought me to tears.

One evening, while Tom and I were away on a business trip, we were slow dancing to a Bette Midler song when I sensed the Lord give me a glimpse of how Tom loved me despite my arrogance.  I had oftentimes judged Tom uncharitably based on my expectations and my plans.  I didn’t consider that the Lord was speaking to him too, giving direction and guidance.  I figured if he wasn’t seeing things as I was then he must be missing God!  This, my friends, is sheer – unadulterated arrogance.  This thought was impressed on my heart, “So who made you the standard for what a godly life should look like?”

Of course I had never actually said I was the standard, but after considering my thoughts and motives – this is how I treated Tom.  And most likely how I treated others as well.  It was an ugly truth I had to face.  I am grateful beyond words that I did!  I am even more grateful for a husband who has committed to love me for better or worse for he was seeing me at my worse yet loved me all the more.  How like Christ is his love for me. and this is what led me into true repentance.

My love for the Lord and respect for Tom increased seemingly overnight!  This is the way love grows in a humble heart, simply and without effort.  Of course, I didn’t notice, but others did.  Arrogance and humility are both undetected by its possessors.  The proof comes from the observations of those who are closest to us.  Only the humble person will ask!