Proverbs 22:6 “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” (ESV,Pr 22:6)

How many times have you heard this verse used in the context of raising your children?  If I’ve heard it once, I’ve heard it 100 times.  This is one of the most common recited verses from the bible about child rearing.  However, if you’re a parent that currently has a child that’s rebelling, this verse loses it’s “punch”, and may make you wonder about other bible verses.  Let me take a few minutes to unpack this verse and then share three things that have helped my wife and I in our parenting that I think are important for you as a parent to keep in mind when you look at the totality of raising your children.

>  The word “train” actually has the connotation of “dedicating” as in the dedication of a house.  It also includes the idea of  setting aside or narrowing.  The Egyptian word that is closely aligned to the Hebrew word translated train in this passage carries the meaning of “setting up something for divine purposes”.  So, this word could be read, “Set aside your child by dedicating, preparing and training him in the ways of God”:

• Key #1:  Remember that children are a gift from God and are really on loan to us as parents.

Our first responsibility is to model for them what it means to “dedicate ones life to God”.  First and foremost that means to pray for them, over them and with them as we dedicate them to God.  Dedication is an offering of something for divine purposes.  As such, our children our divinely meant to be aimed toward a lifetime of loving and knowing God.  It’s hard to give them something we don’t have.  If our lives aren’t characterized by an authentic searching and following after God (don’t read as living perfectly), it will be very challenging to aim them correctly from the start.  It doesn’t mean that all is lost if you are late in parenting from a biblical foundation, it simply means that the chances of having our children wander off course is greater than if they had been instructed in God’s Word from early on in their life.  Yet, even then, there are no guarantees of them following the path that has been laid out for them (see Key #3)

>  The phrase, “In the way he should go”, has been used in many different ways.  Some translate it to mean in the way they are skilled or where they have interest.  But the literal meaning of the word translated “way” seems to carry the notion or meaning of a path or journey.  ”Should go” is literally, according to the mouth of, or in accordance with what a superior says.  So, one way to say this is that there is a path or journey a child is meant to take as the son of a father who’s following the Lord (it is written by Solomon).  There are right and wrong ways to turn in this life.  This word also carries the notion of “aiming” or “bending” the bow.

• Key #2:  Setting an environment to aim your child in the instruction of the Lord.

When our children were young we listened to a lot of people who had children that were older than ours and whose children seemed to be heading the right direction in life (and were fairly normal ).  We also listened to FamilyLife Today and Focus on the Family to get biblically grounded advice on raising children.  My wife and I are certain we haven’t done it perfectly.  And, we know that we’ve done things that are likely to mean counseling sessions for our kids at some point .  But, one thing I can say with certainty and by God’s grace, we did raise them to seek after God and point them toward Him.  They are at ages now that require them to own that relationship and not rest on “mom and dads” faith relationship with God.

>  The Proverb shares that if we do the first two things that our children won’t depart from that when they are old.  Yet, I’ve known more couples than I would ever have imagined who raised their children in this way, and their children are not in a close relationship with God.  If this is a biblical principle, how come it doesn’t work all the time?:

• Key #3:  This is a Proverb of wisdom, not a promise that it will always be the result.

From “The Bible Knowledge Commentary”, A proverb is a literary device whereby a general truth is brought to bear on a specific situation. Many of the proverbs are not absolute guarantees for they express truths that are necessarily conditioned by prevailing circumstances. (1983-c1985). The Bible knowledge commentary : An exposition of the scriptures (1:953).   When I first heard this, it really helped free me from the pressure of the result to focus on the things that I as a parent could do.  I can do the first things in the Proverb.  First, I looked at my foundation as a follower of Christ.  (remember–you can’t give what you don’t have).  Second, we made time to share God with our kids through memorizing scripture (trying to make it fun) and reading them stories and discussing them with practical applications to their lives.  We were also careful about what we allowed them to watch on TV,  but did spend time explaining things from different perspectives so they weren’t “sheltered” from the world completely.

Bottom Line:  Parenting is a challenging endeavor in the best of circumstances.  Unfortunately, we are almost never given those kinds of circumstances.  There are things we can do as parents and then, most of the rest is out of our hands.  In fact, even what we can do is from God.  Remember, it’s never too early or too late to pray, love and lead your children in an appropriate way according to their age.

She lay quietly sleeping on the bed.  He had held her softly, tenderly, in his arms as her tears flowed and then gave way to slumber.  Once asleep he had gently guided her from his embrace onto a pillow where she could sleep without being disturbed.

Her moods and subsequently her behavior over the past couple of days had been worsening and she knew it and so did he.  Once sure the children were sound asleep he had told her that he needed to address that issue and had sent her to their room.  She knew what this meant and whilst she regretted what was to come she also yearned for it.  His strength always reassured her and at no greater time was this the case when he was determined to give her the discipline that she sought.  Having been disciplined she always felt relieved, refreshed almost renewed and thus slept a sleep of contented peacefulness.

Before leaving her bedside he admired her innocence, her beauty.  As she lay there sleeping soundly, her half covered body sighing gently in a waltz with her slumber he appreciated her curves and soft inviting skin.  His attention turned once more, albeit momentarily, to her bottom. Now red and with lines that spoke not only of submission but also of forgiveness he felt his eyes well with tears.

She was so beautiful, so wonderful, so precious that he could hardly take in sometimes just how blessed he was to have her in his life let alone as his dear wife.  She was such a wonderful treasure such a wonderful soul-mate, companion, lover, helper, blessing.  He searched his mind for words to describe her for all of those things is how he saw her and yet none full captured the wonder of his love and esteem for her.

And how did she see him?  The thought once more collided through his consciousness.  Did she see him as the strong, committed, dedicated, decisive and determined husband, lover and leader that she had so often spoken about needing when she first suggested that he started disciplining her in order to help her be the wife and daughter that God would have her be?

He fell to his knees.

Was he really that person?  Could he ever really be that person?  Was he really worthy of being that person? In his mind she saw him one way and yet he knew that he had his own truth.  Could he really tell her that he wasn’t always the man, the husband, the leader, the child of God she thought he was?

Dare he reach out and be open and honest when he had no real answers to offer her to a problem they faced?  Could it be that she would still love him, respect him, admire him, if he admitted his own weaknesses and failings if sometimes stripped off the armor and showed  her that her knight was nothing more than a hurting child himself?

And what of God?  He knew the truth of it all, he knows the truth of all things, so what would God have him do? Surely he could not want him to continue this facade that he all too often put up for the sake of appearing to be that strong leader that head of house.

Reaching out he lifted the bible from the night stand and flicked it open.  “The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”  The words of Genesis 2:18 appeared to leap off of the page to him.

“I will make a helper suitable for him.”  Could it be?  Was it possible?  Had they got it all wrong all this time?

When they had entered into this Christian Domestic Discipline lifestyle they had done so as a result of his dear wife suggesting it.  She had suggested it because she had recognized that her behavior wasn’t always the  best and felt that being disciplined for this would help her correct it and encourage her to become the wife and the daughter and the woman God wanted her to be.  Additionally they realized that God wanted him to be the head of the house.

The more they read up on it the more they were convinced that her accepting discipline from him was the right way to go and that his being the head of the house was God’s design for a marriage.  But had they somehow gone wrong even in this?  Had they somehow twisted God’s design by perceiving it to be all about the husband helping and leading the wife and the wife submitting to him?

He read the words again, “The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”

The tears that had formed in his eyes now fell freely down his cheeks.  Godly marriage, even their CDD lifestyle is not just about his being a strong leader or her being a willing follower.  It is about them  being there for each other the way God had intended.  Yes he should lead but true leadership recognizes its own weaknesses or someone else’s better strengths and uses what is best.  If that is true and if his dear wife is indeed a helper suitable to him, then it must mean that truly he could lead even in his times of weakness and even his times of doubt because in admitting them he would be speaking the truth and recognizing her place in his life and God’s plan for their life.

He thought for a moment or two.  His dear wife had so many wonderful gifts, so many wonderful talents, so much wonderful grace and yet all to often they had failed to tap into these or to allow these to come to the fore because they had misunderstood what it meant for him to be the head or the leader.

“No more Father!”  He cried out in his joy and in his release.  “No more will I allow stupid vanity or misunderstanding or pride or false expectations to twist and inhibit the plan that you have laid out for our lives and our marriage.  No more will I try to live a lie of having always to be strong, always having to have the answers, always being the one in charge.  It is not what you desire and I know that now and I thank you for revealing it to me.

I promise from this day forth we will recognize, nurture and employ the gifts that you have given to each of us and that from this day forth the strength of my leadership will be through the design you have given us and the freedom to enjoy, share and bless each other and yes even others, with the gifts you have given us BOTH.  I praise you for this truth Father and I apologize for having gotten it so wrong in the past.”

Closing the bible, wiping the tears from his eyes and going to his wife’s side once more he gently woke her and told her everything.  Silently, lovingly, she listened and as she did so her heart and eyes lit up and she saw him in a new and wonderful strength and beauty.

When they had finished sharing they embraced,  a loving wordless embrace that spoke a thousand statements. Bending down he kissed her longingly before gently tucking her in.  “I am so very blessed to have you my precious darling,”  he whispered, “sleep well, for tomorrow, I promise, I will start to recognize and submit to your gifts and your beauty.”

Turning thoughtfully, he walked across the bedroom and opened the door to leave. His heart somehow lighter, his mind clearer and his path more focused.  Glancing back once more he smiled softly.  “Yes my precious darling, my God given helper, tomorrow we start to truly live out God’s will for our marriage.

I am so very grateful for this night my beauty.  For tonight we both learned,   tonight we were both disciplined by our Father, and yes my sweet, tonight we both cried.  And tomorrow, together, we will start living out the true path for our life.  What that will bring I just don’t know,  but I do know that our Father is with us and that he loves us and I do know that there is a new and exciting love for us out there waiting for us.

Yes tonight we both learned and tonight we were both disciplined and tonight we both cried.  But more importantly we both realized where we have gone wrong and we both made a commitment to start this journey anew and to find out just what our Father has waiting for us, the other side of our tears.

We’ve been doing without for quite a long time. Partly, because we had no place to store anything, like our own furniture. Things wore out, got left behind, got ruined by water – the usual attrition, and we didn’t get more.

But last night I was able to stock up a bit on goods we will need. My friends know that I am a canning jar maven. I love to preserve and can, and old jars no longer suitable for the boiling water bath get repurposed as herb storage. When I am growing my herb collection, or wild-gathering, that can amount to many, many jars, so I don’t let canning jars get away. I never store herbs in plastic, as the essential oils and volatile elements can leach out the petroleum products. Glass is the only way to go, unless it is mullein flowers, which have to go into tin or stainless steel, or maybe very dark glass. I got over forty very old zinc rimmed jars, and half-a-dozen large new jars, with extra new lids. What a find! As my herbs and spices are kept in dark cupboards or pantries, clear glass is a good way to store them, as I can identify them by sight rather than squinting at my handwritten labels.

We also acquired a “new” kitchen table and chairs, in the country windsor style I like so much. It has leaves, so it can grow into a dining room table when needed. It’s well-made, in excellent condition, and looks so much better than the plywood workbench that had been there before. I decorated it with my pewter chamber sticks, sage green candles, and a beeswax skep candle. Very Country!

I feel so blessed to start getting household goods again. We have been given a sturdy and comfortable queen-sized bed, with a nearly-new mattress. Its only fault is that it is a walnut stain over pine, which is just not natural. So I am going to paint it white eventually. It has glass doors on the headboard for storage (But what do you store in a headboard with glass doors? We have a bag of frankincense and a jar of holy water.) I plan to get some stained glass paint and go over the doors in a quilt pattern decoration, also very country. I guess I can’t help it. I was country when country wasn’t cool.

We left a beautiful oak library table and leaded glass door hutch behind after one move. We are hoping they are still where we left them so we can re-acquire them. They need refinishing, but the oak table came from a university dorm, was probably once in its library, and although scuffed and kicked, is one of the sturdiest pieces of oak I’ve ever seen. New ones cost thousands. A little sanding, some new varnish, and it should be all aglow in no time.

I also found some jewel-tone glasses, all nice crystal, a grinder for meat or cucumbers (like my mother used for piccalili) and baking pans, as well a dark green Woolrich jacket. all in all, it was a good thrift trip, at very little cost (no cost to me, thanks to Mother Kay, who has a standing order).

The odd thing was that this morning I had a twinge of conscience. “What am I doing, acquiring worldly goods?” But, Friends, we do not live on air, nor can we shelter in the trees like birds. We have to have some furnishings. Maybe the day will come when I turn my back on the world for good and head for the monastic life and a pallet on the stone floor (assuming there is at least good beer and bread.) Nothing I have acquired has any status attached to it. It is practical stuff, suitable for Plain people, although the jewel tone glasses may be a bit edgy. And it is heartening to know that the Lord is preparing us to move ahead, giving us food for the journey, and the means to get there.

We don’t normally post on Saturday, but after discovering that our friends at the Girltalk blog were doing a series to match ours on Envy, we had to share it with you.  Although it is written by women for women – (guys there is much truth here that applies to all of us!) the reference scripture that started the entire series was when Jesus rebuked Peter for comparing himself to John:

“Jesus said to him, “’If it is my will that he remain until I come, what is that to you? You follow me!’” John 21:22

So – this series has 18 separate posts although short and easily read.  We invite you to spend some time discovering this enemy to our marital love.  I’ve merely skimmed the surface and already realize this is a timely series for me.  Don’t miss a chance for the Holy Spirit to guide your heart into all Truth!

Bella is a miracle!  About a year ago she was born weighing only ONE POUND.  She was three months early and both her life and her mother’s were in danger.  Bella is an adorable little girl who attends my sons’ Sabbath school.  Becca, her mom, and I knew each other from attending Union College.  She and Steve bring her together each Sabbath.  Many people have prayed for Bella through her short little life.   She’s been through a lot.  Continually has had medical issues and victories.

At prayer meeting I heard Bella was in the hospital in isolation.  Only her parents were allowed to be near her.  A new specialist had been called in.  Over the next few days whenever I would think of little Bella, my heart would grieve for her parents and pray.  As my mom said, when I shared this prayer need with her, “…So sad to have her all this time only to lose her now.”

But God had other plans.  He’s the Miracle Worker.  Not just back in dusty Jerusalem, but even today!  My heart skipped a beat when the trio walked into Sabbath school the very next Sabbath morning.  After being in the hospital a week, Bella was discharged and back to Sabbath school.  Nutrition issues were further identified and infection was ruled out.  Becca told me they “made a pact with God” to bring her to Sabbath school EVERY week unless traveling.  What a blessing!  What a testimony!  What a miracle-working God!

(Pictures used by permission.)