Children often become exactly what we expect them to become.

We all need somebody to believe in us.  To see the potential in us.

Nobody can see the potential in a child and bring it to life like a mother can.  A mother’s words to her children will come back to them again and again all throughout their lives and help to form their identity and thought patterns.

I want the things I speak to my children to be truth and life, the very words of God to them.

“You are a gift from God.”

“God has beautiful plan and purpose for your life.”

“God has a purpose for you that nobody else can fulfill.”

“God has knit you together in your mother’s womb.”

“God has numbered the hairs on your head.”

“Christ died for us while we were yet sinners.”

“God’s love for you is bigger than you can imagine.”

“God’s love for you is everlasting.”

We should also speak words of life to our children when they are difficult (that’s when we don’t really want to).

Some parents say, “Don’t” and “No!” all day long and does nothing to endure their children to them.  Nor does it inspire obedience.  In fact it just makes the child tune out.

Instead correct with a positive statement, such as:

“You’ll get it next time.”

“I know you can do it better”  or “I know you can figure it out.”

“Try again, you’ll get the hang of it.”

“Please redo that the right way.”

“Show me how you can do this better.” or “Show me how you can do this with a better attitude.”

I just see how important the words that we speak to others are.  They can bring life or death.  They can tear down or build up.  It’s true in all of our relationships, but especially in our relationship with our children.  I’m on the look out for more words of life, let me know if you have any that you’d like to share.

For some reason I think my child telling a lie is the worst thing he can do.  It really makes me upset.  I think we’ve all heard parents say, “come just tell me what happened you won’t get in trouble if you just tell the truth.”  We’ve just got to figure out what really happened.

I think part of the reason why dishonesty is so disturbing is because it really has a negative affect on relationships.  In my relationship with my children it is my job to correct and teach them.  Bad behavior can be dealt with, but bad behavior covered up with a lie might go unnoticed, so it really gets in my way when it comes to me doing my job.

We, as parents, just want our children to come to us when they’ve messed up so we can correct the situation and make amends.

Our heavenly Father also hates lying.  I think this is because it is the one thing that we can do that can keeps us from his love and correction.  If we will only confess, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.  He doesn’t withhold his love, yet our relationship with him is hindered by unconfessed sin.  One of our greatest attainments as parents is to keep the lines of communication open so that our children will come to us and confess.  Just as we know that our sin grieves our heavenly Father.  A child can understand that lying upsets his parents.

Children learn that lying is wrong from their parents.  They will feel guilty if they lie.  Their conscience will tell them it is wrong.   A child who willingly comes and seeks forgiveness should not be disciplined, but should be praised for their honesty.  This kind of willingness to admit fault and to seek reconciliation is the key to all relationships and to our relationship with God.

We confess…He forgives and He cleanses us from all unrighteousness.

We have a very small part to play to this beautiful covenant.   We simply have to get real with God.  When we are honest about what we’ve done He can deal   with us.  A lie locks up the garbage so it cannot be dumped.

As parents we need our children to be honest with us.  It is unsettling when you think your child may be lying and it is really disturbing when you know for sure they are lying.

So, when you know that your child has lied, but he has denied it, what to you do?

Do you:

Discipline him

Guilt trip him

Try to force a confession

Do the old “Nobody is leaving this room until we get the truth” routine

What does God do with us?

I’ve thought about this a lot.  In my relationship with God, His constant loving presence draws me in.  I want to be close to him, I long to be in his pressence.  I long to know what he thinks of me and the plans he has for me.  I delight to do his will and to have fellowship with him.  My conscience is pricked when I know that I’ve grieved his heart.  The closer I am to the Lord the more noticeable that prick is.  When that unconfessed sin begins to affect my relationship with God, I am out of sorts.

So it is with our children.  Children are so dependent on their parents to help them form their identity, self-worth and ability to have meaning relationships.  They long to please us and to know that they are valuable.  They long for the kind of fellowship with their parents that gives them purpose.  However, we as parents are very imperfect.

A child who will not confess  a wrong doing is indicating one of two things.

1. The parents have not taught before hand how grave the sin of lying is.

2. The parent/child relationship is not conducive to confession.

So, am I saying that lying should go unpunished?  Not exactly, but I am saying that parents should recognize their part in the sin and take responsibility for it.

You can say, “Will you forgive me as your parent for not explaining just how important it is to tell us the truth.  God hates lying because it hinders our relationship with him.  It also hinders other relationships.  I want to be somebody that you can trust, confide in and ask for help.  It’s my job as a parent to teach you about life and to love, nurture and protect you.  Will you forgive me?”

You model confession, you restore a disjointed relationship, and you have an opportunity to share how God forgives us.

~Model honesty because more is caught than taught~

“There is a great deal to be done by way of breaking yourself in, if you mean to preserve peace and harmony when you are living in community.”  So begins chapter 17, “On Life in a Monastery”, in Book One of Thomas a Kempis’ The Imitation of Christ.  For some reason, most of the chapter seems to me to be just as applicable to Christian marriage (itself a lifelong “living in community” where “peace and harmony” are accomplished by hard work and even “breaking yourself in”) as it is to the monastic life.  Roman Catholic sacramental theology and Karl Barth would agree—Christian marriage is just as much a vocation as Christian monasticism.  (Here I must say I’m anxious to hear Holly’s take on this.)

So here’s more of Thomas a Kempis, continuing directly after where I left off, and with bracketed commentary from yours truthfully: “To enter a monastery or a congregation [or a Christian marriage], live there without reproach, and be true to your vocation till death [i.e., ‘till death do us part’]—all that is a serious undertaking; no greater happiness than to live a holy life in a cell, and make a good end…To take the habit, to get the tonsure, [to dress up and exchange some rings] does not carry you far; what makes you a real religious [or marriage partner] is the changing of your life, is dying completely to your own inclinations.  If you came here looking for something that wasn’t just God and the salvation of your soul, you mustn’t expect to find anything but trouble of mind and unhappiness…You came here to obey orders, not to issue them.  A vocation means having a hard time and doing honest work…This place is meant to test people, like the furnace in which you assay gold; and only one thing will help you to stand up to the test—whole-hearted self-abasement for the love of God.”

Sounds pretty rough to most of us contemporary marrieds, but I kind of want to offer the parallels between monastery and marriage to anyone I marriage counsel in the future.  (Maybe if I had marriage counseled anyone in the past, I would know whether or not such a sharing is a good idea.)  At this point, I think the challenge for us is to read Thomas a Kempis twice.  The first time we find ourselves repelled.  Marriage as a cell, a test, a furnace?  But then we can read it again.  What are we looking for in marriage?  I think a 15^th century monk may have some insight.

“Enter with the password ‘thank you’ make yourselves at home, talking praise, thank Him.  Worship Him.  For God is sheer beauty, all generous in love, loyal always and ever”( Psalms 100:4-5 The Message)

 “The username and password entered do not match.  Please enter correct username and password before proceeding”.

 How many times have you seen that message, or one like it, splashed across your computer screen?

 My mind races, it can’t be the username; I usually use the same one!  It has to be the password, what password did I use when I set up this account?  For the life of me I can’t remember.  I enter one password after another, but none seems to be the right one.  What was I thinking?

 After some time I resort to the link just below the login box.  “Forgot your password?” the helping hand most men avoid as a sign of utter failure.  After all, are we that lame, we can’t remember the password WE created?

The next screen asks us to answer a couple of questions: 

“What was your Mothers maiden name?”  I don’t remember giving that information to this site!  “What was the model of your first car?”  Why do they care?  I cover my sense of failure with sarcasms.

 Finally, I get the message; “Your password was sent to the email on record.”

 Today’s technology has provided a simple similitude.  If we want to experience, or access, the knowledge, tools, pleasures, or relationships offered beyond where we are now, we must have the right password.

 Just as passwords open sites in cyberspace, the password, thank you, opens doors for us in our spiritual walk.

 The United States is one of only a few countries that have a holiday specifically for the purpose of saying thank you.

 Given this emphasis, consider two of my recent experiences:

I stood holding the door as, one after another; the young ladies who made up the cheerleading team, their coaches, and chaperones, stepped off the bus they were traveling on, and passed through the open door into the restaurant ahead of me.  Saying not a word, as they passed, they now stood in line, waiting to be seated.  There were approximately 30 in the group.

 After dinner, my wife and I crossed the street to do s little shopping at the local Target store.  There I encountered a young father struggling to load a few 12 packs of soft drinks on his basket without getting too far from the baby resting in the basket.  Seeing his struggle, I stepped in and helped by moving the products into his waiting basket as he stood silently and watched.  He went on about his shopping as if nothing had happened.

 Although not a scientific study, or even a good representative sample, these two incidents reflect a spreading insensitivity, on the part of persons in our western culture, to the need to acknowledge acts of kindness.  We have forgotten our password, — thank you.

 For the life of us we can’t figure out what it is.  We want what is beyond the login screen of our spiritual life.  We struggle to open the site with every material activity or gift we can think of, but we can’t think of the simple password.

If we continue to concentrate on our own self-interests, we will never know the wonders that wait beyond our present state. 

Romans 15:1-7 gives us clear direction:

Those of us who are strong and able in the faith need to step in and lend a hand to those who falter, and not just do what is most convenient for us. Strength is for service, not status.  Each one of us needs to look after the good of the people around us, asking ourselves, “How can I help?”  That’s exactly what Jesus did. He didn’t make it easy for himself by avoiding people’s troubles, but waded right in and helped out. “I took on the troubles of the troubled,” is the way Scripture puts it.  .Even if it was written in Scripture long ago, you can be sure it’s written for us. God wants the combination of his steady, constant calling and warm, personal counsel in Scripture to come to characterize us, keeping us alert for whatever he will do next.  May our dependably steady and warmly personal God develop maturity in you so that you get along with each other as well as Jesus gets along with us all.  Then we’ll be a choir – not our voices only, but our very lives singing in harmony in a stunning anthem to the God and Father of our Master Jesus!  So reach out and welcome one another to God’s glory. Jesus did it; now you do it! (The Message)

As we celebrate our Thanksgiving, think about how we might live up to the charge of Romans 15.  Don’t make it easy on ourselves, look inwardly and ask others, “How can I help?”; when someone, even a total stranger, serves us in some way, repay their kindness with acknowledgement. 

Think about all the God of all creation has done for us.  What sacrifice He made for us, His constant presence doting on children He adores. Acknowledge Him in everything. 

We have the choice, we can be a single voiceless “taker” in this world, and remain forever locked in our present state with no hope of entering into something greater, or we can “join the choir – not our voices only, but our very lives singing in harmony in a stunning anthem.” 

Remember your password – thank you.

En servicio como Padre

Dave

Video Game manufacturer has raked in $550,000,000 in just one week of sales through the newest edition of the popular “Call of Duty” video game!  Whoa!  If that doesn’t get your attention, I’m not sure what will.

Those of you who know me should know me well enough to realize I’m not the type to have knee-jerk reactions against video games and movies.  Generally speaking, I keep my opinions on such media fairly unbiased, but with such hype around this game.

I can’t help wondering how many teenagers are going to enter the Armed Forces only to realize “it wasn’t like this in the video game” when they or someone they know gets injured in war.  I just have this gut feeling that games like this (and similar games) reenact such lifelike violence and warfare that they impersonalize war to our detriment.

There are some people who say paintball and airsoft are similar in minimalizing the reality of war and cause people to be more violent – I disagree… for the most part.  So I’m not typically prone to encourage banning certain video games… that’s just not my style.  But this is different.

Check out the trailer below.  Notice how life-like the graphics are and how vividly they re-create warlike scenarios.  Parents, please be cautious with this game.  This is the type of game that your son will play for hours and hours and hours on end, is this really what you want consuming his thoughts for so much of the day (while he’s playing, but also while he’s looking forward to playing it when school-work’s done)?

“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things.” Philippians 4:8

   For those that don’t know, Saul graduated college at age 17 and now devotes much of his time to running a Christian “school” for children who wouldn’t normally be able to afford it. They have class Monday-Saturday 7am- 1pm. He teaches the children reading, writing, basic math skills, and most important the gospel of Jesus Christ. The school has over 120 children who regularly attend and no one is turned away. Without this education the next generation of Christians in this region would mostly be illiterate, never being able to even read the bible for themselves. Also, if you were wondering if it’s some sort of optical illusion…it’s not. There is no roof on most of the building.

    This is a photo of the small water tank that is the only source of clean water for the 120+ children that attend. Also, this photo shows how rare shoes are for the poor children of this region.

    As I said earlier no child is turned away. This child is from a devout muslim family, however they are very, very poor and he wanted to learn to read and write. As Saul says ” It may be his only chance to see Jesus”. His family will be receiving one of the Christmas meals this year, and Saul hopes to be able to share the story of Christ with his family.

    I wanted to post these as we approach Thanksgiving. It gets so easy sometimes to complain about our lives, when in fact we have so much. Even when I do think of what I’m thankful for, I tend to focus on the “things” I have. This year though I’m more thankful than ever for the number of people like Saul, who dedicate their lives to humbly serving God. Thank you all, the ones I know and the ones I don’t know, may God bless your work and store up your treasure in heaven. Amen.

Sherwood Pictures has just announced that their much anticipated 4th movie will be named “Courageous”. The plot is about 4 officers who are all fathers, that encourage each other to be biblical heads of the household and strong father figures to their children -  as Proverbs 27:17 says:

As iron sharpens iron,
so one man sharpens another.

The Kendrick Brothers also brought us: Facing The Giants, Flywheel & Fireproof from this powerful ministry. I can’t wait to see this movie – I know it will be great, and this  is an inspirational and uplifting message that needs to be addressed in the world we are living in! May God bless this movie & ministry and may these strong positive messages speak loud and clear!

We recently heard of a husband who was offered a job in a foreign country.   When he called his wife to tell her of the opportunity he was certain she would say no, and he told her that he would do only that which she had faith for.   Upon hearing the news she did exactly what he expected – said no.  However, as soon as she hung up the phone she had a change of heart;  She called him back to say she realized what an adventure this could be, and how fun to be able to share it together!

After I heard this story I was inspired by two things:  First, the husband’s tender care for his wife and willingness to lead her gently, and second, the wife’s wholehearted commitment to follow her husband wherever he felt the Lord leading them.  And not only follow, but joyfully run with him – encouraging him along the way.

What a perfect illustration of how Christ leads us, and how He desires us to follow.  I have been personally challenged by how well I joyfully follow my husband’s lead.   May we all grow in our wholehearted willingness  to follow Christ wherever He may take us!  It’s sure to be an adventure we’ll talk about with others – and who knows?  Maybe they’ll want to follow too!

I was asked today in an interview I was giving, on my story and parenting, what the key elements to parenting are….

Side Bar: < I am not used to being center stage for my opinions etc. I have always been the guy behind the scene. Behind the artist. Basically comfortable behind some one else. So, it’s taken some getting use to speaking my observations, and in keeping, actually writing down my thoughts. God knows I have stubborn opinions, but throwing them out to the public…thats a horse of entirely a different color. Anyway…here goes.>

I’ve been thinking about this subject quite a bit lately, and have had the good fortune to have spent a good  bit of time with George Barna (for those unfamiliar with him, wiki him – impressive) discussing parenting. Here’s 2 things that I believe are foundational, albeit seemingly obvious:

• Show up – be deliberate about spending real ‘prime’ time with them. There are so many things demanding our attention and focus, but our structured time with our kids is more important than getting them to ballet on time, more important that PTO, more important than a full extracurricular schedule… in fact, aside from time with God and (if you are so lucky) your spouse, it is more important than ANYTHING demanding your time. Real. solo. time … not only in body, but full mind.

• Listen – More often than not I ask my daughters a question already knowing what I am going to say next… Already knowing where I want the conversation to go. When I let go of ‘predestined conversation’ I learn so much, I hear more than words…I hear what they are actually saying and thinking. I’ve  heard it said “if you want to influence someone, learn what influences them” Sounds simple enough. It’s time to listen to more than the words, It’s time to KNOW/LEARN our kids beyond their behaviours…So we can have stronger influence on shaping them.

I know this isn’t some breakthrough comprehensive list, I was just reminded hearing myself talk of some good starting points… What do you think? Would love to get your tips!!

Despite what is taught in biology classes all over the world, human beings are not a highly evolved form of animal. The Bible clearly delineates the differences between people and animals. However, there are some behavioral similarities.

Animals can be trained by a process of lure and reward. A dog which does not want to enter the veterinarian’s office might be tempted into the examination room with a dangled morsel of meat. The painful vaccination which follows will no doubt be good for the dog, even if the dog does not particularly enjoy it.

When the dog is later benefitting from a healthy heartworm-free and rabies-free life, he will not necessarily associate the benefits with his trip to the vet. Therefore, he must be enticed anew each time.

The ordinary, every-day, average, garden-variety 21st Century American teen-aged child is much the same. You can win over his or her willingness to come to church with delicious treats. Food and fun, games and gimmicks, seem good to them, but they are not necessarily good for them. And, although they might be willing to sit through a Bible lesson in order to receive these treats, when the treats run out (usually around the time they turn into legal “adults”), it is unlikely they will continue to endure spiritual “treatment” without the fleshly “reward.” In other words, what you win them with, is what you win them to.

Thankfully, the Bible gives us a better way to win converts to the Lord, regardless of their age or personal preferences.

Where is the wise? where is the scribe? where is the disputer of this world? hath not God made foolish the wisdom of this world? For after that in the wisdom of God the world by wisdom knew not God, it pleased God by the foolishness of preaching to save them that believe.

I Corinthians 1:20-21

Believe it or not, it is the preaching of the Cross of Christ that wins converts to Christ, regardless of their age or interests. There is no Biblical authority for separating the means for getting young people to the Cross from the message of the Cross itself.