Either in workshops or when couples come to me for help, I coach them on various levels uniquely to their needs. Invariably the question comes up from the husband, “How do I relax my wife to the point where she will want to completely melt into bliss?”

My advice is always, take your time and thoroughly get to know each other and especially yourself. Women, but also men, tend to disconnect with their bodies in the daily humdrum of a hectic busy life. Lovemaking is usually rushed. Both kinda get a little of what they want … he gets a release, she experiences some cuddles for the romantic closeness she craves, and that’s it … till next time. Usually someone misses out and thinks ‘what’s the point of it all?!’ … well, that tends to be the woman….

Now, I fully realise that there are millions of highly satisfied wives out there, who could not be happier in their lovemaking with their hubbies!

Not all happily married couples need help and advice to get things out of a rut between the sheets; some just want to take things to higher levels of bliss in their lovemaking, and it’s those who come to me to seek advice.

There is so much I could share here out of years of working with couples and individuals which I will reserve for the book I am writing.
So, here on this blog, I will feature some little snippets and taster ideas and tips. More blog posts to come with that theme.

Let me start off with a massage. Most people like massages and it’s such a wonderful way to relax and connect with the body.

People tend to forget about their bodies, they become like vehicles that get them from A to B during the day. It gets cleaned up, fed, dressed, maybe it gets the benefit of physical exercises, but that’s more or less it. Then when it comes to lovemaking it’s just a quick genital action.

There is so much more that could be enjoyed. God created us with thousands of nerve endings that register pleasure, not just pain. The pain bit, unfortunately, we are all too familiar with, but the pleasure all over the body is seldom explored.

A warning to husbands, when you think you understand your wife’s body and what feels good to her, and you think you know that you know what ‘buttons to press’, you may find that she gets irritated and you’re thinking, ‘I can never please that woman’.

The beauty of a truly feminine woman is that each time you go on a new adventure with her. Different times of the day, or month she will feel differently. The more you explore and deeply enter into a discovery trail with her, the more it will enrich your life.

In fact the longer you’re married the more exciting, passionate and fulfilling it gets …. provided you know what to do, have the right attitude and love her the way she personally and very uniquely needs and desires to be loved. Yep, genuine love is the key ingredient here, else it all becomes just empty, meaningless techniques, and futile skills mastery, especially in the long run.

Let’s talk about this delicious massage.

It always helps to have a nice ambiance, e.g. music, candles, etc.
Now, I suggest you do that massage in three stages: 1st dry, 2nd feather, and 3rd oil.

The dry massage is very gentle, almost hovering with your hands without tickling, plus add some gentle tapping with your fingers (think rain drops all over her body playing a delicate and yet passionate piano overture). That prepares the nerve cells in the skin for the feather massage.

Without stage one, the dry massage, the feather would tickle badly and irritate, however if you’ve gently prepared the skin nerve cells, the feather will feel exquisite. (if it tickles, you did not prepare that area well enough). You can extend the feather massage by using some gently perfumed body talc.

Here is a picture of the feather fan I use to teach couples this section.

Don’t rush things. Take your time to explore with different sensations. Then move onto the essential oil massage.

In all that you do, explore and get to know her body … well, she might not even know her body that well herself, so let her tell you, either by verbally saying yes or no, by her almost imperceptibly withdraw away from your hand or press into your hand, or by her gentle moans of pleasure.

If you like, you can request that lovely treatment from her to you.

Enjoy!

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© Copyright Angelika Regina Heimann – inStrengths Ministries – The Journey Of Intimacy 2009. All Rights Reserved

Did you find this post inspiring, informative, or interesting? Would you like to read more on this subject? Please let me know.

Thank you for taking the time to leave a comment, I find it such joy to read encouraging words and great feed-back!

God bless!

Let me say this right off the bat; I am neither a nutritionist nor a urologist, I am a psychologist. However I have had decades of interest and studying into nutrition, and have a science background. Not only do I have two science degrees, but I also grew up in a home where my father was a scientist and my mother a pharmacist. With that in mind I am going to share with you some highlights from a client, let’s call him, Peter, who trusted me enough to let me work with him on those issues, and as a result got his blood sugar levels near to normal and is enjoying a satisfying love life.

Peter has been a diabetic for years and is on medication (metformin), rather than insulin injections. Peter is also a businessman who travels internationally, holding crucial organisational meetings with decision makers either in boardrooms or in hotel bars, and generally living a stressful life where he used abuse his body eating airline, hotel, and other convenience foods.

When he was diagnosed with diabetes, he tried to watch his food. He reported back that his love-life with his wife started to fluctuate, sometimes the potency was ok, and at other times it certainly was not and he knew he was going down the impotency trail.

Know your own body!

There is something I find amazing with most people who are diabetic. They take their meds; go for their monthly or any other regular blood sugar check-ups, and try to be ‘good’ especially the days before the doctor’s appointments. Meanwhile their libido goes downhill.

If it is a man, quite often the times he has intercourse with his wife will become more infrequent. It’s an odd age, either she is glad that the ‘raging beast’ finally gives her peace, or she has come to a point that she now wants it more and, frustratingly, he is now not interested ….. Ok that is another subject I will deal elsewhere, as it has both psychological and medical implications.

Going back to diabetes and impotency, it is not enough to just go for regular doctor’s appointments!

Let’s say, if a man goes for his monthly check-ups. The day he has his blood sugar levels checked, he may have been very ‘good’ and the results are acceptable to the doctor. What this man does not realise is that during that month the blood sugar levels can fluctuate dramatically, and during the ‘unknown’ high times, a lot of damage is done. So, on the day of the appointment it appears to be fine, when actually it isn’t!

So, the serious minded man will do three things to get to know his own body:

1.    Study his body

2.    Get regular exercises

3.    Check his potency as often as possible (a willing wife is helpful with this …. but then I will be shall sharing more on how to make your wife feel oh so good, she will be asking for more).

Let’s look at point 1.

All food is not created equal. Your body is unique and will metabolise foods uniquely differently to other people, although, certain principles apply across the board.

You are also a package deal in terms of what stresses you negatively, may invigorate someone else. Negative stress also increases the blood sugar levels, as do anxiety, anger, frustration  …. and argument with the spouse, uncertain business deals, etc.

It’s time to log everything about you and study your own body like if it was a laboratory rat! Seriously, NO JOKE!!

Get yourself a blood sugar testing kit, one that gets you to test all your finger tips (well, you would not want to prick he same finger several times a day?!).

For the intensive testing period, stick with a plain food menu that is repeated, thus you should get a reasonably constant reading.

Then introduce one of food type at a time, and check the blood sugar level 2 hours after eating (peak time) – it’s all about getting to know YOUR body!

You will thus find certain foods throw your results off the charts, and others get it below.

Make a note and log it all!

Also make a note if you had any stressful occasions, it may be the stress rather than the food item that threw it off. You will start to see a very useful pattern that will help you to see where and how to do adjustments.

Once you know your body and what foods work best for you, you can then reduce the tests to once a day, in the morning. Still, log everything in a book and a chart.

Back to my client Peter, he was very seriously minded and willing to do whatever it took to manage his blood sugar and regain some of his potency. Sure, it was not like when he was in his 20’s and 30’s when he had full control over body during lovemaking, but he was nonetheless very pleased with the results of what I had advised him to do.

First of all he cut out most, if not all, of the starchy processed carbohydrates and focused on so-called low GI foods, foods with high fibre content.

My preferred recommendation for him is raw, completely uncooked and unprocessed vegetables, as it is living food, and the enzymes in raw foods are destroyed by the heat in the cooking process.

Enzymes are needed to break down food, aid the immune system and metabolism, so that the body can effortlessly assimilate its nutrients.

Enzymes are vital to the healing process in the body. No matter how many vitamins you pop, they will not benefit you that much if they had not been ‘worked on’ by enzymes!

Pasteurized fruit juice, for example, remains fresh for long shelf life because the enzymes have been destroyed by heat. So it is pointless to drink pasteurized vegetable or fruit juices out of cartons and think you’re doing something good for your body! There is no space here to go into details about the benefits of living raw foods and enzyme activities.

I recommended that he would gradually introduce more and more of his vegetables raw. Why? Well, as I said, I am not a medical doctor and I do know that with some people who have abused their bodies for years, their digestive systems are too weak to digest raw vegetables despite all their natural enzymes. So, just in case, I wanted Peter’s body to build up gradually to eating a maximum of raw veggies.

He found out, for example, that eating carrots raw gave him good results, whereas cooking them was like eating sugar cubes, to him.

Thankfully, Peter is a hobby cook, and his wife is a very enthusiastic and dab hand at cooking, too.

First thing, adding to their food processor, they bought themselves a juicing machine and started juicing their raw vegetables.

With juicing you will lose some of the fibre, but if you drink your vegetable juice within 15 minutes, you’ll benefit from all the enzymes, vitamins and minerals as if you were munching them.

They then set out to become very creative making all sorts of interesting dips and sauces out of raw veggies with herbs, spices, apple cider vinegar and virgin olive oil, etc. to add to their chunked up raw veggies and quality cooked lean proteins.

They also learned how to add cinnamon to meals, enjoy a little dark chocolate with very high percentage of cocoa and as little sugar as he could stand; plus get out into the sunshine as much as possible to get adequate vitamin D, and other resourceful and creative ways of enjoying a new lifestyle.

He reported back that their love-life had also picked up considerably! He noticed that whenever his blood sugar was high the inevitable ‘droop’ occurred; it was directly related. In fact he could judge by his potency whether or not his blood sugar was high.

Now, it was not easy to implement all this, especially when he was on business trips. He had to learn to do forward thinking and use a lot of discipline to say ‘no’ to some foods and snacks he used to enjoy and everyone around him ate.

However, the result has been greater energy and a very satisfying intimate time with his wife. He thinks it is worth all the effort.

________________________________
© Copyright Angelika Regina Heimann – inStrengths Ministries – The Journey Of Intimacy 2009. All Rights Reserved

Did you find this post inspiring, informative, or interesting? Would you like to read more on this subject? Please let me know.

Thank you for taking the time to leave a comment, I find it such joy to read encouraging words and great feed-back!

God bless!

———-
Please Note: Disclaimer

Nothing above is intended to be a diagnosis, prescription, recommendation, or cure for any specific kind of medical, psychological, emotional or sexual problem.

Please see a qualified practitioner, physician or therapist for further help.

There are lots of potential problems inherent in churches with the necessity for large organisational structures and large amounts of infrastructure. One potential problem is that people can become viewed more as resources than people, as Bull mentioned here recently on another thread.

If people are viewed as resources, one of the temptations then becomes to attempt to control them like resources. Various forms of control might include teaching that induces guilt or fear if they don’t do the ‘right’ thing, or exclusion from various ‘levels’ of involvement if certain required behaviours are not committed to. The latter is not necessarily immoral, but may be questionable at times due to its context in a ‘church’ setting, where theoretically people are all equals as part of the body of Christ, rather than members of a club with different strata.

The Purpose Driven approach from Rick Warren has aspects of the above, in my view, and John Bevere’s influential and popular teaching has other aspects of the above in my view. Many churches love both of these authors.

I’ve become used to thinking of megachurch environments as places where to some degree these things will happen, while also admitting that its possible in any organised setting regardless of size. My view is that over time, the degree to which they happen negatively affects the quality of relationships in the church, especially between leaders and those they lead. When fear and guilt are used as motivators, this can reduce the relationship between those in positions of authority and those not, to relationships with different degrees of power, rather than relationships of mutual love, respect and honour. It will also affect to some degree the way many members of the congregation view God – as a loving, generous, safe and forgiving Father (as in the parable of the Prodigal Son), or as an authoritarian Father whom they must please in order to be blessed.

But is my thinking really true? Could there be megachurches that encourage people throughout the body without seeking to control them through these methods? Will their ministries emulate this, both in their service to others, and towards those within their own ministry team? Once I would have thought that the latter happened almost as a matter of course; in more recent times, I came to the view that the former happens to some degree at least, as a matter of course. But its good to question your own beliefs, including this one.

So this long preamble is really leading up to a discovery that I’m so far delighted by – I’m reading a Christian book about parenting that really seems to understand the difference between controlling from the outside (typically using fear of some kind) and motivating from the inside; the heart. I’ve only read the first couple of chapters, but the understanding of the way God loves us; the way He is a Father to us and gives us freedom, which we then learn to responsibly manage, and that we can learn to emulate this in our parenting, is so encouraging.

The book, ‘Loving Our Kids On Purpose’, by Danny Silk, exposes as a lie the idea that we can control others, even our children, and sees the goal of obedience and compliance as an inferior one to the goal of love and relationship, where kids learn to make good choices and handle their freedom with responsiblity.

The thing that has struck me, is that the author of this book, Danny Silk, is the Family Life Pastor at a megachurch, Bethel Church in Redding, California (senior Pastor Bill Johnson). If they approach leading their church in a similar way to that described for building relationships in this book, then even if they have mistaken theology in some areas (and we all probably do), then I imagine that the church will stay fairly healthy. People will have the freedom to develop the way God leads them, rather than in some set way that is designated for them by an outside authority with a ‘resource’ driven approach. Leaders across the board in this kind of congregation, are likely to respect people’s freedom, and encourage rather than seek to control.

I hope this is the case. At the very least it is encouraging to see the other end of the spectrum of contemporary Christian views in this area. And the book, ‘Loving Our Kids On Purpose’, by Danny Silk is excellent so far. I am looking forward to incorporating the tools into my own parenting.

This link/post is not meant as an ad, but as a touchstone for thoughts on the issues – but some of you might be interested in checking the book out here.

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RavingPente

The most important thing about marriage is not marriage… We’re not the center nor the point. Marriage is magnificent because of where it came from and where it’s pointing to – John Piper

Along with being a mom  I am also a preschool teacher.  I actually call myself a professional mom.  I wipe noses, give hugs and sometimes send kids to time out or as I like to call it,  “the thinking spot”.  Anyway, one of my adorable students had lice.  What is it with kids and lice? I know with reading this you are starting to get itchy all over and are scratching your head.  Now, the myth of lice is that only dirty kids have it,  however, lice like clean hair.  Fortunately I have never had this happen to any of my children for which I am very happy about  (My son will have a buzz cut tonight, though and my daughter will be coated with grandmas Aquanet).   Well, I had to make the phone call to this child’s  mom. 

The, “you need to pick your child up” phone call is never fun and many times I have been on the other side of the phone with Mrs. Dalena, your child has a fever, diahrea, blah, blah, blah.  The list could go on. It’s always hard for moms, who work, when they get that phone call to pick up their sick kids.  Most moms I have talked to never have a problem.  They just say “I’ll be right there”.  But I know that there are some moms who are given a hard time about leaving their job to tend to their child.  I wish managers could understand that our first role is in taking care of our families health.  So many moms are made to feel guilty on both sides of this spectrum, however.  Do I medicate my kid to make it through the day or do I just call in sick and catch wrath from my boss?  Sometimes it can be a very hard dilemma.  One that I know many moms have to go through.  “Mommy  guilt”  can set in very quickly when those decisions have to be made. 

So what can we do when we are put in this situation?  Well,  James 5:16b says, that the prayers of a righteous person is powerful and effective.  Prayer? Really?  Sounds so simple but it is so powerful.  When you read James 5:17,18 you see,  Elijah was a man with a nature like ours, and he prayed earnestly that it would not rain, and it did not rain on the earth for three years and six months.  Then he prayed again, and the sky poured rain and the earth produced its fruit.

So remember, prayer in any situation is important whether it’s making decisions about our kids,  and our bosses.   Will we make the right decisions all the time?  Probably not, but if we are truly seeking God’s direction He will lead us the right way.

Oh, my student’s mom had no problem picking her child up and he was able to come back to school the next day.     

So remember prayer is our best defense in any situation sick kid or other.  Now, stop scratching!

Have you ever watched Anita Renfroe aka the William Tell Mom?  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GE6EkAvV4-Y&feature=related

Check out this website before reading any further.  Anita is right on about what moms constantly say to their children.

Anyway, as a mom, do you know how many words you say to your child a day?  If you really stop to think about it you would be exhausted.   In my home I find that I say,” go take a bath” 5times and,” leave your sister alone” about 100 times.   “Did you brush your teeth, why are your clothes on the floor and not in the hamper?”  “Did you ask mommy if you could go in the fridge to get a cheesestick?” (I know I made reference to the “cheese stick” in my last blog.  We are a cheese stick family).  The list can go on and on.

Statistics say that women talk 3x’s more than men.   When my husband walks in the door from work I have a plethora of things to say to him.  My husband, however, doesn’t have as much to tell me.  When I ask him how work was he answers, “it was work”.  There you have it.  It’s short, sweet and to the point.  My husband use to ask me how my day went but after almost ten years of marriage he kind of knows better than to do that anymore. 

There are exceptions to the talking rule, though.  My mother isn’t a big talker.  When I go to her house  I know that I take up most of the conversation.  I must have gotten that ability from my grandmother.  She doesn’t stop!  Actually she backs up her talking  with scripture.  She constantly reminds me that the older women are to counsel the younger.   

So with all those words how do your words come out?  Sometimes our words to our kids, out of frustration, can be hurtful and harmful. Frustration is just sometimes part of being a mom but  Proverbs 18:21 talks about how the tongue can bring life and death.   As moms we must be careful of how we talk to our children.  Are we bringing life or death?  God has entrusted us with these precious gifts.  It is our job to show them the right ways to live.  Let us not forget that we need to be Christian examples in our homes as well as in public.  

If you’ve had a hard day remember to give your child a hug and a kiss and tell them that no matter what you love them and thank God everyday for them.

1. Devoted to the Lord. Christian singles were devoted to the Lord. They praise and honor God every single moment of their life. They have great love and fears to the Lord—things we wish a person have.

2. Long-term relationship. With these singles you have an assurance of having a long-term relationship because when it comes to love they take it seriously. They are sincere and faithful to their chosen partner.

3. Responsible enough. Most of the Christian singles especially men are responsible enough. They are not the type of person that would go away of their responsibilities. In short, they are responsible with their obligations to you.

4. Family. When it comes to family issue they were well-oriented with this. They really value this. Not to mention that they were considered as one of the perfect mother/father to your children and the perfect wife/husband to you.

5. Conservative (women). Most of Christian singles especially women are so conservative. They value their dignity and physical purity. For these singles, saving sex for their spouse is the perfect gift that they could give.

6. TRUE LOVE. The most important thing that Christian singles can give. They will really take care of your heart and promise to give you a happy ending love story.

7. Loyalty. Unlike other singles, these people are loyal to their love ones. When they have a promise they gonna keep it as they can. They want trust to each other.

8. Loving. Most of them are sweet, loving and caring to their partner. They will protect and comfort you always.

9. The total respect. Christian singles have a total respect to their partner. Even your family, friends and relatives will be treated as part of his/her family too. They will understand and respect your decisions ( if possible ) and learn to love each others weaknesses.

10. Willing to relocate. You can have these singles in your side everytime you want because for the sake of love and marriage these Christian singles are willing to relocate. They love to spend their time and life with you.

1. Devoted to the Lord. Christian singles were devoted to the Lord. They praise and honor God every single moment of their life. They have great love and fears to the Lord—things we wish a person have.

2. Long-term relationship. With these singles you have an assurance of having a long-term relationship because when it comes to love they take it seriously. They are sincere and faithful to their chosen partner.

3. Responsible enough. Most of the Christian singles especially men are responsible enough. They are not the type of person that would go away of their responsibilities. In short, they are responsible with their obligations to you.

4. Family. When it comes to family issue they were well-oriented with this. They really value this. Not to mention that they were considered as one of the perfect mother/father to your children and the perfect wife/husband to you.

5. Conservative (women). Most of Christian singles especially women are so conservative. They value their dignity and physical purity. For these singles, saving sex for their spouse is the perfect gift that they could give.

6. TRUE LOVE. The most important thing that Christian singles can give. They will really take care of your heart and promise to give you a happy ending love story.

7. Loyalty. Unlike other singles, these people are loyal to their love ones. When they have a promise they gonna keep it as they can. They want trust to each other.

8. Loving. Most of them are sweet, loving and caring to their partner. They will protect and comfort you always.

9. The total respect. Christian singles have a total respect to their partner. Even your family, friends and relatives will be treated as part of his/her family too. They will understand and respect your decisions ( if possible ) and learn to love each others weaknesses.

10. Willing to relocate. You can have these singles in your side everytime you want because for the sake of love and marriage these Christian singles are willing to relocate. They love to spend their time and life with you.