Back to the regular scheduled programming…..

My dare today is to give up on an area of disagreement that is really not that important.  I have thought of what I am going to give in to, if you will, for my little one, but am still working on my oldest. 

This is really valuable to evaluate what it is that there is conflict about and if it’s important.  So many times the conflict really isn’t going to matter in the long run.  So why is it then that it is so protected??  Ahhh, PRIDE, I forgot

Is there anything you could “give in” to?

Have a “Willing” Day!

1. Let your spouse know, day 1 that if they ever cheat on you the marriage is over. This is great advise for newly weds. Now if you are midstream and infidelity occurs God says you can exit, but if you chose to stay let them know only once is forgiveable.
2. Stay together and pray together. Stay together by doing things with each other througout your marriage.
3. Make it a point to know each other needs and wants.
4. Keep sexuality interesting.
5. Take care of each other’s health so that you remain attractive to each other.
6. Express love verbally, physically and give random gifts.
7. Keep open books - open cell phone activity, open email activity, open etc.
8. Be sensitive and kind to each other.
9. Be forgiving.
10. Communicate.

Change.  Such a small word brings such different emotions from different people.  Continuing our series on the “Enemy Behind the Line“, I wanted to spend some time on one enemy I see challenging every Christian, especially Christian Men; that of Unwillingness to change.

For some, the emotion is pure excitement and thrill.  There are those who earnestly live to have the adrenaline rush associated with change.  They seek to change large and small things in life.  Sometimes, they will simply move the phone from one area of the desk to the other, simply to have change.  Their enemy is monotony.

For others, the emotion associated with the word change is pure anxiety.  Losing control is not an option they embrace and any type of change, regardless of the size, will send them into orbit.  They enjoy knowing what will happen, when it will happen, and to what degree it will happen.

Unfortunately, as the aphorism goes, “Change happens.”  It is inevitable.  In fact, the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle says, “There will always be an element of uncertainty in the universe.”  So, if something is not certain, wouldn’t that indicate there is change on the horizon?

Change Agents, or people who initiate change,  can be some of the most well-liked or deeply-despised people in any organization, office, church, or even family.  It seems they have a mug shot to live up to with their energy, out of the box thinking, and convictions.  Depending on what they are changing in your life, you either love them or hate them.  If anyone understood the meaning of this, it was Christ.

Being the ultimate Change Agent, Christ knew his ways would be embraced by some and hated by the multitudes.  A common day for Christ was experiencing such a variety of emotions.  He might have begun his morning being embraced by the father whose son was just healed to being taunted by the Pharisees for challenging one of the rituals they had in place to … you get the point.  Christ himself said he came to change the world and redeem it.  After all, it was in his DNA.

If you were to go through the lineage of Christ’s human side, you would find a whole slew of Change Agents.  This cast of characters ranges from Abraham to Moses to David to Solomon to even John the Baptist.  (Ok, John the Baptist was a cousin, but still in the family tree.)  Not only was Jesus fully God, the Creator of heaven and earth, the “Changer”, Jesus was fully human and of a line of men who embraced change.  Even Jesus’ last command, the Great Commission, was a challenge to change the world, so why is it so hard for some of us who believe in Christ to change or become agents for change?

Chances are, if you are reading this book, you are either one who enjoys change or are looking for ways to become a change agent.  I am not invoking an overhaul to Christian Doctrine, but rather, a simple action plan for embracing the teachings of Christ.

The fact remains that every door swings on at least two hinges.  Regardless of the size, make, or design…two hinges is what you are dealing with.  The same goes in life for all of us.  With every opportunity, we have one of two decisions to make, should we embrace the opportunity to spark change, or do we merely settle for the ways of yesterday.  Most of all of the great heroes of the Bible are noted not because they were ordinary, but because they were extraordinary.  In their lives, they made pivotal decisions affecting not only their lives and the people of their time, but the lives of many to come, including you.  Had Abraham not chosen to listen to God’s calling and follow the path God designed for him, he would not have been the one God used to form the nation of Israel.  Had Moses not embraced the call to free the Israelites from the oppression of Pharaoh, he would have missed out on the opportunity to lead the Exodus, part the Red Sea, receive the Commandments, and much more.  Had David not embraced the challenge from Goliath, would he have been so popular of a king in the early years?   Each of these men had one of two decisions to make, they chose to embrace the call from God to become a change agent and most of them at great costs.

If you liked this post, you might want to check out the others in this series:

Unforgiveness

Self-Reliance

The Lie

About the Writer:

Trent Cotton has spent a number of years in management and business consulting. After spending some time in the field, he joined the HR department, beginning in recruiting and eventually serving as the Department Head of HR for one of the major lines of business. With such a varied background, he works to bring all of these together to help churches and other Christian organizations incorporate some common business practices into their ministries to enable them to better serve the Kingdom. He currently works for SourcePointe, an HR Outsourcing Agency while continuing to own and operate Christian Management Consulting as a ministry. In his free time, he also writes a lot on Church Development as a Church Consultant.

Change.  Such a small word brings such different emotions from different people.  Continuing our series on the “Enemy Behind the Line“, I wanted to spend some time on one enemy I see challenging every Christian, especially Christian Men; that of Unwillingness to change.

For some, the emotion is pure excitement and thrill.  There are those who earnestly live to have the adrenaline rush associated with change.  They seek to change large and small things in life.  Sometimes, they will simply move the phone from one area of the desk to the other, simply to have change.  Their enemy is monotony.

For others, the emotion associated with the word change is pure anxiety.  Losing control is not an option they embrace and any type of change, regardless of the size, will send them into orbit.  They enjoy knowing what will happen, when it will happen, and to what degree it will happen.

Unfortunately, as the aphorism goes, “Change happens.”  It is inevitable.  In fact, the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle says, “There will always be an element of uncertainty in the universe.”  So, if something is not certain, wouldn’t that indicate there is change on the horizon?

Change Agents, or people who initiate change,  can be some of the most well-liked or deeply-despised people in any organization, office, church, or even family.  It seems they have a mug shot to live up to with their energy, out of the box thinking, and convictions.  Depending on what they are changing in your life, you either love them or hate them.  If anyone understood the meaning of this, it was Christ.

Being the ultimate Change Agent, Christ knew his ways would be embraced by some and hated by the multitudes.  A common day for Christ was experiencing such a variety of emotions.  He might have begun his morning being embraced by the father whose son was just healed to being taunted by the Pharisees for challenging one of the rituals they had in place to … you get the point.  Christ himself said he came to change the world and redeem it.  After all, it was in his DNA.

If you were to go through the lineage of Christ’s human side, you would find a whole slew of Change Agents.  This cast of characters ranges from Abraham to Moses to David to Solomon to even John the Baptist.  (Ok, John the Baptist was a cousin, but still in the family tree.)  Not only was Jesus fully God, the Creator of heaven and earth, the “Changer”, Jesus was fully human and of a line of men who embraced change.  Even Jesus’ last command, the Great Commission, was a challenge to change the world, so why is it so hard for some of us who believe in Christ to change or become agents for change?

Chances are, if you are reading this book, you are either one who enjoys change or are looking for ways to become a change agent.  I am not invoking an overhaul to Christian Doctrine, but rather, a simple action plan for embracing the teachings of Christ.

The fact remains that every door swings on at least two hinges.  Regardless of the size, make, or design…two hinges is what you are dealing with.  The same goes in life for all of us.  With every opportunity, we have one of two decisions to make, should we embrace the opportunity to spark change, or do we merely settle for the ways of yesterday.  Most of all of the great heroes of the Bible are noted not because they were ordinary, but because they were extraordinary.  In their lives, they made pivotal decisions affecting not only their lives and the people of their time, but the lives of many to come, including you.  Had Abraham not chosen to listen to God’s calling and follow the path God designed for him, he would not have been the one God used to form the nation of Israel.  Had Moses not embraced the call to free the Israelites from the oppression of Pharaoh, he would have missed out on the opportunity to lead the Exodus, part the Red Sea, receive the Commandments, and much more.  Had David not embraced the challenge from Goliath, would he have been so popular of a king in the early years?   Each of these men had one of two decisions to make, they chose to embrace the call from God to become a change agent and most of them at great costs.

If you liked this post, you might want to check out the others in this series:

Unforgiveness

Self-Reliance

The Lie

About the Writer:

Trent Cotton has spent a number of years in management and business consulting. After spending some time in the field, he joined the HR department, beginning in recruiting and eventually serving as the Department Head of HR for one of the major lines of business. With such a varied background, he works to bring all of these together to help churches and other Christian organizations incorporate some common business practices into their ministries to enable them to better serve the Kingdom. He currently works for SourcePointe, an HR Outsourcing Agency while continuing to own and operate Christian Management Consulting as a ministry. In his free time, he also writes a lot on Church Development as a Church Consultant.

I’ve been thinking a lot on the topic of raising children lately.

Over the weekend, I pulled a parenting book off my shelf that I don’t look at often.  I bought it when I was pregnant with my first child, and after a quick perusal (and due to the fact that I picked it up at a Christian bookstore), I thought it would be useful.  Of course, that showed how absolutely ignorant I was heading into my parenting experience!  The book is called Child Training Tips by Pastor Reb Bradley, and while the author quotes plenty of Scripture (especially Proverbs - I always get nervous when a Christian quotes a lot of Proverbs to make a point), I wasn’t comfortable with the advice the author authoritatively dispensed in the book.  I wasn’t comfortable with the emphasis on corporal punishment — it’s not that I’m anti-spanking (because I’m not), but I don’t believe that the Bible commands parents to spank their children, nor do I believe that spanking is usually the best discipline choice.  I wasn’t comfortable with the idea that kids should be held to behavior standards where only perfection is good enough; if I can’t hold myself to those standards (and I cannot!  “The good that I want to do, that I don’t do, and the evil I don’t want to do, that I keep on doing.” Romans 7:19), how can I ever expect to hold my child to those standards?  And how then would I ever teach repentance and forgiveness, two major aspect of the Christian life?  Finally, I’m definitely not comfortable with anyone who claims they have the “most biblical way to raise well-adjusted children” (a quote from the back cover of the book).

It has been almost six years since I originally bought the book, and I like it much less now than when I first purchased it.  But, like On Becoming Babywise (written by Gary Ezzo, another author who wrote a plan for “Growing Kids God’s Way” outlined in a series of the same name), I feel it’s important to read from all sides of the parenting spectrum, not only to know what other parents are doing, but to help me better define for myself the kind of parent I would like to be.  Children are not ours to turn into perfect little robots; they are always going to be sinful beings, and they are always going to be making mistakes, just as we are always going to be making mistakes as we parent them.  But our children are precious gifts, unique gifts that we are to shape and guide and always, always point to Christ.  Now, six years later, two children later, and after having been the teacher for LOTS of Music Together classes, I absolutely believe that what works for one child does not necessarily work for another.  There is no “one perfect way” to raise a child, even a Christian child.  I firmly believe that the most important thing a parent can do for their child (other than to raise them with a strong faith in Jesus as their Savior from sin, of course) is to know that child better than anyone else and be that child’s “soft place to fall” as well as their biggest fan.

My first child and I have that kind of close, intimate relationship very well established.  However, as she navigates being a five year-old, new challenges have been presented to her, and her emotional responses have sometimes puzzled, even angered me.  She had a particularly surprising meltdown about two months ago, and in retrospect, I’m surprised at the intensity of my anger towards her.  I don’t normally get very angry at her, even when she does equally childish things.  I thought about it for a long time, and I came to the realization that I was actually more angry at myself than I was at her.  I was angry at my perceived failing as a parent, and my outburst of anger only made the situation worse and bigger than it needed to be.  What I should have done was simply allowed my daughter her emotions, also allowing her the logical consequences that would have followed them.  What she did was not wrong; it was merely childish.  I don’t need to be angry about my daughter acting like a child.  She IS a child.  She is definitely making strides towards adulthood, but she is also most definitely still a child.  And, there’s nothing wrong with that; she’s not even 5 1/2 yet!  Therefore, she thinks like a child, she acts like a child, she reacts like a child — and none of this should be surprising to me.  These are all learning experiences, teachable moments, and, it is okay for things to sometimes be about “process, not product.”

So, as part of my quest to discover good books for my book club to read, I picked up the book Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves by Naomi Aldort.  From the first, I knew that this author and I had some major philosophical/religious differences.  She essentially believes in the “tabula rasa” theory — that children are born as innocent blank slates, and if they are provided with the right environment and the right influences, they will naturally make right choices.  I disagree with that theory.  I hold to the traditional Christian view that we are all born with a sinful nature, that we are “sinful from the time our mothers conceived us,” (Psalm 51:5) proved by the fact that all of us, even including young children, can die, for “the wages of sin is death.” (Romans 6:23)

I continued to read on in the book, however, because as I said earlier, I feel it’s important to read from all sides of the parenting spectrum, not only to know what other parents are doing, but to help me better define for myself the kind of parent I would like to be.  Much to my surprise and delight, I discovered that the author holds to a similar view of young children’s emotions that I do.  We must allow children to be children, not expect them to act as adults, and most importantly, help them learn to work through their childish emotions, not by telling them how they should feel, but by listening and then validating how they already feel.  Then, as a loving parent, we can gently encourage and guide them into a proper direction, offering them the support they need to be successful while still recognizing that they are children.  As they grow older and more mature, we can expect more and more adult-like behaviors from them, but we need to always support their emotional development even into adulthood.  This is SO important - how many of us have carried into adulthood our feelings that when we were younger (perhaps it even continues now as adults?) our parents didn’t understand what we were trying to tell them and never really listened to us when we were young!  The author believes, and I absolutely agree, that the foundation for parents and children to truly understand each other starts young.  Yes, I’m still the parent, and I have to do what’s best for my child, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t give my child a little validation and commiseration when s/he is having “growing pains” along the road to adulthood!

The other important parenting tool that this book advocates is respect for the child.  Respect for the child was completely lacking in the “Child Training Tips” book.  I don’t mean respect the child in the same way as you would respect another adult.  However, I do think it is important to respect that their feelings and desires are very important to them, even if they’re not important to me.  I can respect and acknowledge that my child is scared and frightened by the fact that she’s having a substitute teacher, and I should not tell her to just “get over it” and to ignore her feelings.  However, I can and should listen to my child and help her find her own way to make peace with the situation she finds herself in, which is a very important life lesson to learn!

I wrote about this issue last summer when I noticed a 2 year old girl at my daughter’s swim class being forced to take a shower by her mother and grandmother.  Even though her terror of the shower was obvious, the grown-ups in her life gave her feelings no regard.  They didn’t even say something as simple as, “I know that this is frightening to you, but I really need you to do this.”  They said nothing to her, ignored her emotional state completely, and offered her no comfort for her fear.  I was aghast at this, and I mentally vowed that I would never do that to my children unless (God forbid!) their life depended on it.

Recently, one of my best friends and I discussed this issue of “respect for the child.”  She mentioned that much of our lives as mothers revolve around the things we need to get done.  But how often do we really get down to our child’s level and spend time with them doing just what THEY want to do?  She shared with me a vignette from her life: She was making supper, and her son came into the kitchen, asking for a bandaid for his toy.  Did the child “need” a bandaid for his toy?  From an adult’s perspective, of course not.  But from the child’s perspective, he really DID need that bandaid.  Althought my friend’s initial reaction was to tell her child, “No, can’t you see I’m busy?” she instead chose to stop, respect the fact that her son’s needs were very real and very important to him, and she took a few seconds to get and apply a bandaid to her child’s toy, thereby making her child feel understood, validated, loved, and happy.  There are so many child-training advocates out there that would have labeled that boy’s behavior as disobedient; after all, the child was told to play with his toys while his mother made supper.  Plus, those same child-training advocates would have accused the mother of being inconsistent.  Yet, all the child was really doing  – was being a child who needed his mother’s help to continue in his play in the way he childishly wanted.  And there’s nothing wrong with being a child when you ARE a child!

Parenting certainly isn’t black and white.  It’s hard to be consistent all the time, both as a mother and as an individual.  But I personally strive for consistency in my loving actions (and reactions) to my child, in my consistency for respecting her emotions, and as much consistency as I can manage in daily schedules and healthy foods.  Most importantly, I strive for consistency in pointing my child towards Jesus as her savior from not only her daily sins but also her sinful condition.  No matter how obedient my child is, she will never get rid of her sinful nature this side of heaven, and nor will I.  If I can model daily repentance and forgiveness as well as unconditional love, I think I’m doing a pretty good job at being a Christian mother, no matter what the parenting books may say!

Change.  Such a small word brings such different emotions from different people.  Continuing our series on the “Enemy Behind the Line“, I wanted to spend some time on one enemy I see challenging every Christian, especially Christian Men; that of Unwillingness to change.

For some, the emotion is pure excitement and thrill.  There are those who earnestly live to have the adrenaline rush associated with change.  They seek to change large and small things in life.  Sometimes, they will simply move the phone from one area of the desk to the other, simply to have change.  Their enemy is monotony.

For others, the emotion associated with the word change is pure anxiety.  Losing control is not an option they embrace and any type of change, regardless of the size, will send them into orbit.  They enjoy knowing what will happen, when it will happen, and to what degree it will happen.

Unfortunately, as the aphorism goes, “Change happens.”  It is inevitable.  In fact, the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle says, “There will always be an element of uncertainty in the universe.”  So, if something is not certain, wouldn’t that indicate there is change on the horizon?

Change Agents, or people who initiate change,  can be some of the most well-liked or deeply-despised people in any organization, office, church, or even family.  It seems they have a mug shot to live up to with their energy, out of the box thinking, and convictions.  Depending on what they are changing in your life, you either love them or hate them.  If anyone understood the meaning of this, it was Christ.

Being the ultimate Change Agent, Christ knew his ways would be embraced by some and hated by the multitudes.  A common day for Christ was experiencing such a variety of emotions.  He might have begun his morning being embraced by the father whose son was just healed to being taunted by the Pharisees for challenging one of the rituals they had in place to … you get the point.  Christ himself said he came to change the world and redeem it.  After all, it was in his DNA.

If you were to go through the lineage of Christ’s human side, you would find a whole slew of Change Agents.  This cast of characters ranges from Abraham to Moses to David to Solomon to even John the Baptist.  (Ok, John the Baptist was a cousin, but still in the family tree.)  Not only was Jesus fully God, the Creator of heaven and earth, the “Changer”, Jesus was fully human and of a line of men who embraced change.  Even Jesus’ last command, the Great Commission, was a challenge to change the world, so why is it so hard for some of us who believe in Christ to change or become agents for change?

Chances are, if you are reading this book, you are either one who enjoys change or are looking for ways to become a change agent.  I am not invoking an overhaul to Christian Doctrine, but rather, a simple action plan for embracing the teachings of Christ.

The fact remains that every door swings on at least two hinges.  Regardless of the size, make, or design…two hinges is what you are dealing with.  The same goes in life for all of us.  With every opportunity, we have one of two decisions to make, should we embrace the opportunity to spark change, or do we merely settle for the ways of yesterday.  Most of all of the great heroes of the Bible are noted not because they were ordinary, but because they were extraordinary.  In their lives, they made pivotal decisions affecting not only their lives and the people of their time, but the lives of many to come, including you.  Had Abraham not chosen to listen to God’s calling and follow the path God designed for him, he would not have been the one God used to form the nation of Israel.  Had Moses not embraced the call to free the Israelites from the oppression of Pharaoh, he would have missed out on the opportunity to lead the Exodus, part the Red Sea, receive the Commandments, and much more.  Had David not embraced the challenge from Goliath, would he have been so popular of a king in the early years?   Each of these men had one of two decisions to make, they chose to embrace the call from God to become a change agent and most of them at great costs.

If you liked this post, you might want to check out the others in this series:

Unforgiveness

Self-Reliance

The Lie

About the Writer:

Trent Cotton has spent a number of years in management and business consulting. After spending some time in the field, he joined the HR department, beginning in recruiting and eventually serving as the Department Head of HR for one of the major lines of business. With such a varied background, he works to bring all of these together to help churches and other Christian organizations incorporate some common business practices into their ministries to enable them to better serve the Kingdom. He currently works for SourcePointe, an HR Outsourcing Agency while continuing to own and operate Christian Management Consulting as a ministry. In his free time, he also writes a lot on Church Development as a Church Consultant.

By Angie Lewis

What does a wife need from her husband? I can’t answer that question for all women, but I do know what I need. I need my husband to be supportive of my endeavors and ideas. I want my husband to realize that the marriage does not center only around him and what he needs, but on what we both need. I want for my husband to make time for me. I want to be put on the top of his priority list, after God, and not on the bottom. Does that sound selfish? It’s not selfish when you know that he gets the same treatment from me.

I want for my husband to enjoy spending his time off with me and so I often encourage fun and creative things to do together when he does have the spare time away from work. I have to remember this, though, if I am not acting on my marriage obligations the way God wants for me to, I should not expect that my husband would be too happy about it. So then, I shouldn’t take advantage of my husband’s loving kindness or take our marriage for granted. Because my first priority should be my husband’s happiness, right?

I believe God has put me where I am at for a reason. I have been blessed with the man I married because that is who God put before me 23 years ago. I didn’t change the course of events to marry the man I married, because the events became the course. In other words, I did not put a gun to my husband’s head and tell him to marry me or else. What became yesterday is what is today. Not that we cannot change or improve on our marriage, but that we ought to be content with the person God has blessed us with.

Once we get rid of the idea of divorce and we get rid of the bad attitude is when we can begin to reflect upon who we are in the marriage and begin living our God fulfilled purpose. Once we get rid of the selfishness we can start to fulfill the roles and responsibilities that have been given to us when we got married. But we cannot get rid of these ideas until we choose to follow Gods plans for our marriage. We are the ones who fail marriage. Marriage does not fail, people do!

We fail marriage because we give up. We give up on God and we give up on what we can do to change ourselves. You’ve heard the saying; patience is a virtue, right? Well, we have given up on patience because we feel that time is running out. Time does not run out, but people do. The messages from society run amok and tell us to do things that are not from God but from selfish desires and arrogance. If that is who a person is then they have every right to continue listening to and believing those messages. But if you are a part of God’s family then you have your own messages to listen to.

Be very careful, then, how you live - not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lords will is. (Ephesians 5:15-17 NIV)

I know what I need from my husband. I need to know that he is devoted to our marriage that we started 23 years ago. I want him to accept me for who I am, because I cannot guarantee that I will never make mistakes. I need to know that my husband would never act on a bad attitude, turn against me, and ask for a divorce like many spouses in marriage do. Because what is that? That is not a marriage, that is people being wishy washy with each other, allowing feelings to control the outcome of the marriage. I believe a husband needs the same thing from his wife. A man needs his wife to respect his position in the marriage above everything else. If a man is allowed to be the man in his home, then everything else should just fall into place like clockwork.

…However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. Ephesians 5:33 NIV)

Angie Lewis is the author of three marriage books offering marriage tips and wisdom filled answers tackling such issues as addiction, adultery, pornography, emotions, beliefs, feelings, marriage, children, forgiveness, communication, submission and spiritual influence in the home

Love The Man You Married is a great teaching tool for couples. Every Christian wife and husband should read this informative book on marriage. ISBN: 1411677501

Love The Woman You Married - This is a great book on finding and putting to work your purpose for marriage, and understanding the aspects of submission and spiritual influence in the home. A wonderful teaching guide about how God designed marriage to be. Excellent resource for husband and wife to read together. ISBN 978-1-4303-0047-2

To preview these books. Marriage Resources. Article Source