I have spent a significant part of my adult life working in industry. Over the years I have seen good and bad leaders with varying degrees of effectiveness.

Much of what I have taught, and been taught, about leadership over the years was of limited use in sculpting me into a true leader. Most was the flavor of the day.

As those of you who are regular readers of Dad Talk already know, a number of years ago I found myself without a job for the first time in my adult life. It was a devastating time and a crush to my personal self esteem. I had been a successful leader for many years and held a great deal of pride in my ability to lead and advise other leaders.

Over most of the next year, I found myself questioning almost everything I thought was true. I questioned my knowledge, my intelligence, my understanding, my relationship with God, and most of all myself.

As the months passed by, with little success in landing a job, God began to deal with many of my illusions about myself. He broke my pride and showed me that I was no better than the Savior I professed to believe in. He told me, through a close friend, that “Jesus bent down so I could be made great”. Translated, if I believe Jesus was the greatest leader of all time, and I believed my goal in life was to be more like Him, I had to understand; “if Jesus could bring himself to the lowest point in the human structure, to be treated like an animal, like something without a soul, how could I expect to lead with so much pride”.

As a father, before the job loss, I treated my wife and children with a certain amount of disdain. After all, I was very successful, there wasn’t anything they could tell me that I didn’t already know. I was arrogant and condescending. Not the type of person anyone would like to follow.

During this time I learned many lessons about many avenues of my life, but when it came to leadership, I began to learn about practical application of the leadership model Jesus followed.

Once on the bottom you soon see things from a different perspective. You begin to identify with those whom you have previously seen only as a means to an end. You yourself now embody every bit of what that means. You know the strapping of not having enough, the importance of making your boss happy no matter what they want, no matter how ridiculous, you know the subtleties of innuendo and manipulation as you must to survive.

In my present situation, I am back in a leadership position. I am now charged with helping a business manage it’s people and build it’s strategy. As a father and husband, I am now, once again, responsible for leading my family in a meaningful relationship with each other and with our faith.

I am now aware of what it takes to become a “servant” and to lead from the perspective of a “servant”. I will always appreciate the sacrifices others make to help our team, and our family be successful.

Leading from the bottom, is about realizing none of this is about you. None of the success you have in life or the prosperity you presently are blessed with is because of you. It is about doing everything with a perspective of how it impacts others rather than yourself. Leading from the bottom is about paying forward, about recognizing that all you have is because of your relationship with Him and is strengthened by your ability to humble yourself in every circumstance.

En servicio como padre
Dave

Sometimes I just can’t seem to get going.  I know I have stuff to do, a house to clean, errands to be done, but I just can’t find the energy or motivation to do it.  When I find myself going in circles doing alot of nothing, I do just one thing.  JUST ONE THING! Maybe its just clearing off the counter, or putting just one row of dishes away.  It’s a start.  And I feel like I did something.  Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed I don’t even know where to start.  Then I think, just start, with one thing.  One book, one toy, one sock.  And before you know it, all those one things have turned into many things, and that one room is clean!  Step by step, toy by toy, book by book, by bottle, by sweater, by sock, by paper, by bill.  One by one, little by little, something gets done, and I finally feel accomplished!

You love your husband but the excitement is gone? How could it have possibly gone anywhere? Excitement has no life of its own. The ONLY life that it has is what YOU and YOUR SPOUSE give it. Excitement hasn’t gone anywhere, its still ready, willing and eager to go. You two have to connect with it. The problem is what caused the disconnect. If you are honest, YOU KNOW. The good part is it is never too late to connect again, to get lost in each other, and to live it out through acts of love.

Here are a few top things that cause a disconnect - not spending enough time together, being selfish and controlling in the relationship, failing to communicate, growing a part by not learning what keeps you into each other, not helping each other with day to day activities and the kids, financial and house keeping woes, and spending to much time with 3rd parties.

Here are somethings that cause a connect - make your spouse your number one priority, do things that make them happy, find out what they need, find out what they want, do things together life is more than dinner and a movie, why not try riding the rapids if you live near water, climibing a mountain if you are near the big rocks, sailing down the Mississippi, dancing like you used to at the local stomp, thow a party or hop on a horse and ride into the sunset. Variety is the spice of life.

God gave you a gift. This is how most people deal with gifts, they either use it to the maximum or they say, oh that’s so nice I don’t want to use it, I will just put it on shelf and look at like a pretty crystal glass. The shelvers get some satisfaction looking at the gift, but the maximizers not only get the satisfaction, they get the best of the gift and experience the pleasure of it all the time. Use your head, how much fun are you? Just go for it.

About the only way I really feel like an apostle is that we seem to get moved from place to place rather quickly and, if I didn’t know it was the will of God, whimsically. We are not whimsical people. And yet here I am again, just under a year from the last move, packing.

So what does God have in mind for us now? We are looking forward to returning to the East Coast, but why? We hope to revive our last mission, in a little more organized, but Spirit-filled way. We are definitely not the people we were a year ago. God gave us a good shakedown and brush-up, and in a strange but wonderful way, made us yet more serious as Christians and missionaries. More and more of our old selves drops away. More things are divested. We are in our quiet little way less frivolous than ever. (I don’t believe Nicholas was ever frivolous, but I have been known to frizzle on occasion, always to my own detriment.)

With the new depth of sobriety has come a new depth of joy. This is the reward for a calm soul and mind, that we can appreciate and love God even more, and have a deeper look into eternity. 

I do not know when the computer will be up and operational, but expect to hear more when we arrive within a stone’s throw of the Atlantic.

We’ve had a great time lately with family coming in to visit. Luke loves all the attention he gets, and I enjoy watching him interact and play with our family. Its so great to know that these people love him and care about him, and even more so, that they love Jesus, and will help us teach Luke about him.

First, Auntie Ruthie and Uncle (to-be) Stephen came and spent the weekend with us.

Uncle Stephen and Auntie Ruthie with their little nephew.

Luke was very interested in our coffee, but he only got to have water.

Then, right after they left, Bret’s parents came to visit.

They read stories…

tried on Grandpa’s boots…

played in the grass…

went fishing…

and cuddled.

I am constantly thankful for the family that the Lord has given me, and grateful that they are loving, helpful, and fun to be with. I know that not everyone counts visits from the in-laws, or even siblings as a blessing, but my family makes it easy for me to enjoy having them here. What a great blessing!

First, I ask that you rent, borrow, or purchase the movie “Fireproof” as soon as possible then after watching consider joining me on the 40 day journey of the book “The Love Dare”.
 
This is a new direction this week but it has always been the objective of this ministry to follow the Spirit’s leading.
 
The 40 days of reading will commence on Good Friday and my expectations for us are great!  I am looking forward to exploring the depths of this book together!
 
The book and movie are readily available at Family Christian bookstores, blockbuster, netflix, and amazon.  Most important is the urgency to join this corporate journey!

Ever since beginning my interest in Christian Domestic Discipline I have heard a great deal about Boot Camps.

Indeed I have heard many a wife discuss or comment on how she has been going though Christian Domestic Discipline ‘boot camp’ and in truth I have heard many complimentary or positive things said about it and some negative things said about it.

What I don’t think I have ever heard however is of a Head of House going through ‘boot camp’.

Now don’t get me wrong here, I am by no means suggesting that the roles be changed and that the Head of House should be the one being spanked on a regular basis.

What I am suggesting is that if a HoH holds the belief that a CDD bootcamp regime is benefitial to the dear wife then surely he should hold the same belief in respect of himself.

I am aware, and acutely mindful of, the fact that many folk have differing interpretations or understandings  of what a boot camp is in terms of CDD.  Because of this different wives may have differing requirements placed upon them in a CDD Boot camp setting.  So instead of looking at specific presentations, let’s start with a few basic general understandings that we can agree on.

Boot camp is by definition meant to be different.

Boot camp is by design meant to be disciplined.

Boot camp is by intent meant to induce submission.

Boot camp is in purpose meant to increase endurance.

Boot camp is by structure meant to be focusing.

Boot camp is by participation meant to be beneficial.

Boot camp is by completion meant to result in betterment.

So how can we apply these basic general understandings to the HoH instead of the wife?

Well here are my suggestions…

Boot camp is by definition meant to be different.

I think we can all agree that how we live is, to one degree or another, not how God intended.  If we are willing to accept this, and if we acknowledge God’s soveriengty on our lives then surely we must agree that we have a responsibility to not only ensure that we live how God intended but that our wives and family do so.

So the first stage has therefore to be to spend time in seeking God’s will for how we live our lives and His guidance in what He would have us change.  Having done so, we have a responsibility and obligation to effect those changes. So boot camp should accommodate and introduce those changes and gentlemen those change HAVE to start with us as HoH’s.

Set your heart and mind on accommodating those changes and expect and be hungry for something or indeed somethings to be different from now on.

Boot camp is by design meant to be disciplined.

Effecting change is by its very nature a dying to self, a putting off old ways and a combating natural desires, habbits or tendanciues.  This takes discipline!  For a wife within a Christian Domestic Discipline relationship that discipline is gained from the Husband as HoH but for a HoH (unless you have someone you are accountable to or indeed someone who disciplines you [see my post what's good for the goose]  then that discipline has to come from you.  And we should remember that we are to be an example to those in our care.

Set your heart and mind on being self controled and committed to your goal!  Accept chastisement and correction as love.

Boot camp is by intent meant to induce submission.

One of the biggest mistakes and most dangerous attitudes that a HoH can adopt (as far as I am aware or concerned) is that submission within a Christian Domestic Discipline relationship or indeed a traditional Christian Marriage, is that submission is something that the wife has to do.

The biblical truth is, I belief, that submission is something we ALL have to do and something that starts with the HoH.  We are all called to submit to each other (Ephesians 5:21) and indeed we must submit to Christ.

This means that in our HoH bootcamp we should focus on submitting to Christ and His will for our marriage, our family, and ESPECIALLY our leadership of them.

Set your heart and mind on seeking and serving and surrendering to God in and through your leadership!

Boot camp is in purpose meant to increase endurance.

As I have already said, living a godly life entails dying to self, putting off, surrendering, ridding ourselfs of our sinful natures.  This is NOT going to happen over night and will take a lot of discipline, effort, time, prayer and love.  It is no accident that 1 Corinthians 13:4 starts with the words, “Love is patient” as the NIV puts it or indeed “Love is long-suffering” as the King James Version puts it.

We need to afford ourselves enough time to effect the changes that God desires.  Trust me God doesn’t need time to tell you what they are but YOU need time to hear them, understand them and effect them.  This is no overnight, instant, or easy thing you are entering into.

Set your heart and mind on the long haul.  Prepare to run the full race with your eyes fully set on your goal!  The prize is certainly worth having!

Boot camp is by structure meant to be focusing.

There are plenty of distrations in this world and I can assure you that since the whole purpose of this is to live out God’s will in you and your family’s life, the enemy will try to get in and to saboutage your efforts.

We must therefore protect ourselves and indeed structure our efforts in a way and at a time when our focus can remain on our goal.  Be careful in planning your bootcamp and especially in the timing of it.  Afford yourself the time that is needed and stay true to your purpose in this.

Set your heart and mind on your purpose and set your eyes on the finish line and keep them there! Avoid distractions.

Boot camp is by participation meant to be beneficial.

Boot camp for the sake of boot camp is pointless and will benefit you nothiong.  It must have a divine purpose and that divine purpose MUST if it is to be divine be God led.

Remember our submission.  The benefit we seek should not be for ourselves alone.  We serve a great and mighty and loving and perfect God and we serve our wife and family and those around us in doing so.  In designing and determining to undertake your boot camp seek out the benefits GOD wants for you and for your wife and family.

Set your hearts and minds on the gifts, skills, fruit, growth and benefits that God wants for you to gain through this. And remember these are not only for you but for your whole family and all those God wants for you to minister to.

Boot camp is by completion meant to result in betterment.

We serve a great and mighty and a very loving God and Father!  We serve a great and mighty and very loving God and Father who does not want us to be alone and who has ordained our union with our wife and indeed our parenting of our children.

Any betterment that we gain from undetaking this boot camp is going to and I truly believed is designed and intended to better not only ourslves but our relationships and those we love.

God has provided us with a wife a “helpmeet” and if God has provided us with that helpmeet we are duty bound to acknowledge, appreciate, untilize and indeed value that helpmeet.  A huge mistake in any relationship is to isolate either the journey or the preparation or the design of our walk with the Lord.  He placed you together for a reason!  Seek out that reason or those reasons together!

Use the gifts that He has given us in His wisdom and those gifts surely include our wife and helpmeet.

Set your hearts and minds on growing together, supporting each other in your efforts.  Openly discuss your plans, concerns, considerations, reflections, weaknesses, needs and strengths and do so in full submission to each other and to God through Christ Jesus.  Seek to be blessed, be hungry for the blessings and be enthusiatic in your sharing of them so the betterment can spread!

OK I think that will do for this post.  The truth is that I had no idea it would be this long when I started it.  But you know maybe just maybe God had other plans

I truly hope this blesses you.