Truth, that word has taxed my brain today.  The word truth seems to be an absolute; after all, doesn’t everyone know what truth is? 

We were all brought up to always tell the truth.  We were always bombarded with statements that contained things like; unvarnished truth, gospel truth, naked truth, moment of truth, home truth, in all truth, a true fact, true secrets, in truth, a true statement, a true thing, true religion, and we seek the truth. 

Then there are the synonyms of truth; veracity (the adherence to truth), verity (enduring or demonstrated truth), and Verisimilitude (the appearance of truth).  We even have a town in New Mexico called Truth or Consequences.

 Simple thing truth…..maybe not, we should once again seek help from our friends at Wikipedia.

“There are various theories concerning truth and issues include what constitutes truth, how to define and identify truth, and whether truth is subjective, relative, objective, or absolute…The English word truth is from Old English tríewþ, tréowþ, trýwþ, Middle English trewþe, cognate to Old High German triuwida, Old Norse tryggð. Like troth, it is a -th nominalisation of the adjective true (Old English tréowe).

The English word true is from Old English (West Saxon) (ge)tríewe, tréowe, cognate to Old Saxon (gi)trûui, Old High German (ga)triuwu (Modern German treu “faithful”), Old Norse tryggr, Gothic triggws,^[1] all from a Proto-Germanic *trewwj- “having good faith“. Old Norse trú, holds the semantic field “faith, word of honour; religious faith, belief”^[2] (archaic English troth “loyalty, honesty, good faith”, compare Ásatrú).

Thus, ‘truth’ involves both the quality of “faithfulness, fidelity, loyalty, sincerity, veracity”,^[3] and that of “agreement with fact or reality“, in Anglo-Saxon expressed by sōþ.

All Germanic languages besides English have introduced a terminological distinction between truth “fidelity” and truth “factuality”. To express “factuality”, North Germanic opted for nouns derived from sanna “to assert, affirm”, while continental West Germanic (German and Dutch) opted for continuations of wâra “faith, trust, pact” (cognate to Slavic věra “(religious) faith”, but influenced by Latin verus). Romance languages use terms following the Latin veritas, while the Greek aletheia and Slavic pravda have separate etymological origins”

Whew!  I thought that was going to be easy. 

 It seems, like so many other things we have taken a simple concept and made it complicated.  Truth should be something everyone understands.  Maybe it is something we need to experience or practice to understand.

As fathers we need to understand at least the basics of truth.  We are expected to uphold many of the qualities involved in truth; faithfulness, fidelity, loyalty, sincerity and veracity.  When we don’t, it doesn’t go unnoticed.  We are constantly under the watchful eye of our children.  They are learning about truth from us.

Simplicity should be our marker for truth.  We get ourselves all bound up in the moral issues of the day, or we try to be politically correct.  We want to be viewed by society as truthful, so we expend great energy trying to present our image as being truthful.  Simplicity in our word and deeds.

Matthew 5:37 tells us “Simply let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one”(NIV).

Speak truth into your life.  Simply speak what you know is right and stand by your words, fortify your words with actions that support those words.  The lessons learned by those around you will astound you.

En servicio como padre

Dave

I want you all the time and I hate it when you are so tired that we are not spending enough time together, when I am with you I feel…
I need to know what we can do to change the way this relationship is heading and it is not good. I want you to know that I don’t want us to end up in a divorce but I am struggling I need us to….
Sometime I wonder if you were the person I should have married but that is only when I am angry, I love you but I need things to change. These are the things that are affecting me. I need you to help me to work on…

_____________________________________________________

All the people that read my blog are precious to me. I love knowing that many of you are very consistent readers of the blog so thank you. If I were to sum up everything that all the articles represent is that people have needs in relationship that are not being met and that is the cause of most of the marriage conflict. So I guess what my reflection today is to ask all of you that are struggling have you ever sat down and tried to figure out what you really need out of a relationship?

At some point when we marry we are seeking to fill the need of love, companionship and personal security at some level. But what happens is as the years pass by we somehow forget to reflect upon the needs and begin to make assumptions. Eventually this breaks down the relationship and one day you look up and the very person that you loved doesn’t look the same anymore. Yet a part of your heart aches because you know that the person that you loved is still there. You just don’t know what happened to them emotionally or physically.

That is why biblical wisdom says you have to cling to your spouse and really know them. If we follow that pattern then needs and wants can be expressed in a loving environment. Do you need something from your spouse? Do you have particular wants? Do you want them? Think about it. Then you might even want to communicate with each other about it. Just be nice to each other when you do. Go out on a date and talk about reviving your relationship. Talk about being honest and not hurting each other. Get permission from one another to speak candidly knowing that your intent is clearly only to improve the relationship. Then work it out together.

So here is a start:
I need you to support me because when you don’t this is how I feel…
I need you to stop nagging me and trust me to do what I said because when you don’t it makes me feel…
I want you all the time and I hate it when you are so tired that we are not spending enough time together, when I am with you I feel…
I need to know what we can do to change the way this relationship is heading and it is not good. I want you to know that I don’t want us to end up in a divorce but I am struggling I need us to….
Sometime I wonder if you were the person I should have married but that is only when I am angry, I love you but I need things to change. These are the things that are affecting me. I need you to help me to work on…
Let’s not do this to each other. Let’s talk…

Work at your relationship. Work hard. Restore it.

It’s almost here! One of my favorite days of the year – Super Bowl Sunday! It really doesn’t matter that neither the Arizona Cardinals nor the Pittsburgh Steelers are among my favorite teams, the days leading up to the Big Game really get me fired up. All the hype, the prognostications, and the analysis is often more exciting than the game itself.

A couple of Super Bowls ago, one of the pre-game interviews completely captured my attention. Within the professional sports culture, we hear so many tales of boys behaving badly, so when I heard Samkon Gado’s story, I was amazed.

When Martha and I began writing our second book, I knew that we needed to include Samkon’s story. We spent over an hour on the phone with him, and it was refreshing and inspiring. He’s walking by faith, trusting God to move him day-by day to the place that he can serve Him and others most effectively. “I don’t want to presume about where the Lord will have me serve,” he said. “I’ll just wait and let God unfold it for me one piece at a time. I’m praying, ‘God, just send me wherever I can be the most useful.’”

His NFL career has been a roller coaster ride. The year after this video appeared, Samkon was released by the Houston Texans and signed for a brief stint with the Miami Dolphins. Then, when the Dolphins didn’t renew his contract this year, he began preparations to enter medical school. But before he could complete the entrance requirements, the St. Louis Rams called on him to finish the season with them. Just this week, Samkon signed a new contract with the Rams for the upcoming 2009 season.

In the interview with us, Samkon, the son of African missionaries, told us that he knew that God had called Him to someday return to his native Nigeria as a medical missionary. Until that door opens, God has burned a picture into Samkon’s heart. He sees it when he closes his eyes at night, when the cheering crowd is quiet and the stadium’s lights are dark. “I see an image of people living in absolute misery, with no hope, and no future. God wants me to bring hope and healing to those people. He wants me to show them Jesus.”

Hang in there. It still may not be too late to restore your relationship. Let’s look at what if its not to late. If it is not to late then self evaluation and owning up to your part of the failure in the relations could begin a road to recovery. I think some relatinships could be restored if after the divorce and you still love them, you would just let them know. They could be feeling the same way. I personally believe that a lot of people really love their spouse but they are so sick of junk in the relationship and the hurt and the control that they end it. But if you read my post then you know my position and that is, what if you just dealt with the junk. I mean really deal with it, without screaming and yelling and biting each others heads off. What if you just sat down and said, look, I love you but you are driving me insane, but I don’t want to loose you. What can we do to make this work. Anybody heard Rhianna’s song, I Hate to Love You. It is powerful and expresses how people are really feeling. God is there to help relationships, he will get involved but the couple will have to humble themselves and pray.

Now what if it really is too late. Give yourself time to grieve and then move on. If it was absolutely miserable to be with them, then when you leave them don’t bring that misery, because then your divorce would have been pointless. Seek God for new start and healing. He will make it happen. God bless you. See my about page for resources.

Ok, if you hate your husband for lying about porn it is a totally undertandable feeling. But if you want you relationship to heal you have to help your husband. There are so many high market pull me into pornography stuff everywhere. It used to be just the corner store, but the internet has exploited this to the negative maximum. Not only that the roots as to how people get dragged into this mess are so deep and sometimes the men just feel trapped. They don’t want it but don’t know how to get rid of it.

From Biblical perspective they have to confess that they are wrong, renew their minds by feeding on God’s words and replacing those images with images of you in a godly way. I would highly recommend counseling. Now there are some men that are addicted and want to be addicted. You can’t heal until you admit you have a problem and want to be rid of it. But once you make the decision to change God WILL intervene. He can help you. You might want to contact my about page and call the 3ABN Pastorial Assistance prayer line, they have people that deal with some pretty heavy duty issues and ask them if they have any programs about pornograpy in their Life in Recovery series.

If you love your husband, help him. Everybody has faults. If he wants help be there for him. I know you feel cheated and injured but there is hope for you. I pray that anyone reading this post that has struggled with this issue and has overcome it, please pray for this wife.

If you hate your marriage but love your wife, you are so in a good position for restoration. Ask yourself why do you hate you marriage. And deep down you know why. You know exactly why. But the questions becomes if you are willing to lay it out and deal with it. Silence kills marriages and a lot of men suffer in silence. Sometimes it is because their wives are so strong willed that they rather not deal with the drama. Other times the wives are so precious they hate to have to speak of a fault. Then there is everything in between. But God intended you to love your marriage and make it the biggest playground for love on the planet. So perhaps if you ask God how to approach he will give the insight and you can resolve your marriage and still love your wife. Why don’t you ask God and trust him? He knows your wife better than you do. Then ask him to work on you. Say God what am I doing that makes my marriage unbearable, could you change me so that we can make it because I love her. What do think God is going to do, not answer that prayer? Of course not, he will speak to you heart and you will know it. Don’t give up. Communicate, show love and affection, start doing things together, take the TV out of your bedroom, find ways to connect. It will probably be difficult at first but once trust is restored it will get better. Let her know you love but really would like to make things better.

Blogging is awesome!! I have connected with some really cool, Christian ladies via their blogs. Thanks ladies for your chats and encouragement!

I’ve had the disctinct honor of meeting and getting to know some incredible heroes of the faith over the last several months. These faithful individuals have done some inspiring things over the last year. Simply put, they’ve proven their faith by their deeds when it seemed most impossible. They’ve acheived things most men could only read of in story books or in the Bible itself. To the glory of God, I’m honored to call them now, not just acquaintances, but close friends and part of my family through the LORD Jesus Christ.

The honor has been mine in so many ways and I praise God, His Son, and the Spirit for counting me worthy of witnessing their “walking on the water” moments of faith. I’ve been deeply encouraged and made stronger because of them and wish you could all see and hear everything I see and hear on a daily basis. It is truly an awesome thing to behold.

These brothers and sisters are not heroes of the faith because of miracles they’ve done, but because of battles they have fought. They aren’t heroes because they have money, respect from men, or even comfortable lives in the slightest. They’ve become heroes of the faith because of their sacrifices. They’ve become heroes because they’ve fought in battles most men would never fight. They’ve given of themselves in ways that most people today would never even consider.  They’ve given of themselves in ways most of us could never imagine, and God has given me the distinct honor to sit front row as His love, kindness, mercy, and grace go on display in these righteous men & women. 

Because of this honor, I feel compelled to report what I’m so prvileged to witness. Like a reporter or New Testament writer, I feel I must tell the stories of these men and women, as they approve me doing so, to the glory of God. I can no longer watch and keep quiet. What’s happening in the battles of the Heavens through men and women here on Earth must be told.

Why? Because these amazing acts of selflessness and righteouness are not seen very often today. We live in a world of self-preservation where God has no place as Lord and Savior. How can He save us when we’re “saving” ourselves? He can’t. That’s why we must let go, and these dear saints are doing so, to the glory of God.

I pray you’ll join me over the coming weeks and months in a celebration of the incredible revolution God is raising up in homes all across the country through men and women of faith. I hope to have posted later today or tomorrow, the first of these incredible stories and look forward to hearing your praises, prayers, and fights for the faith as well.

Whether you know it or not, we’re in a revolution for the home. God is doing a mighty work, and his people are giving him praise as they obey all that he’s commanded when it seems most impossible. To Him alone be the praise.

Tuesday Remix - This is a popular post from last year, updated and re-run.

Looking back at the hundred-or-so conflicted congregations with whom I have been called to consult over the last decade, here is an important observation: only a small handful (or so) of them had a strong small group ministry. The vast majority of them either had no small group ministry or they had a tired, ineffective small group or Sunday School ministry. I believe there is a correlation.  I believe there is a direct relationship between small group ministries and church unity.

For some decades now, church leaders have been recognizing the importance of small groups as a critical tool for Spiritual formation (or for Spiritual “transformation”, depending on whose vernacular you favor). We have all begun to see that, only in the intimacy and accountability of a small group of friends gathered together around the Word of God, can we live the life God has called us to live and become the Christians God has called us to become. It was true in the lives of the apostles (the first small group ever) and it is still true today. Whether you call them Sunday School, Bible Study, home groups, cell groups, prayer groups, support groups or recovery groups doesn’t matter. The reality is the same for all of them: creating a safe environment with equal parts grace and truth and where we “lean into” one another’s lives is where real Spiritual transformation occurs.

But I will take this observation one step further. Because small groups are such a powerful tool for Spiritual transformation, they are also a key ingredient to unity in a local body of believers. Why? Because Spiritual formation is a key ingredient to unity. If the Spirit Himself is the central figure in all questions about unity, then our own Spiritual growth (i.e., learning to allow the Spirit to live through me and to find Him living through others) is likewise a critical part of experiencing unity in the church.

I know some pastors feel a little scared when it comes to small groups, because they definitely have less control over matters of doctrinal purity when scripture is being taught and/or discussed in hundreds of little groups both within and outside the walls of the church. It is also true that small groups can become “gossip groups” where unity is not supported but rather destroyed. So, small groups–especially those meeting outside the church–have not always enjoyed the support of pastors and church leaders. But that does not change the reality that small groups, when done correctly, are where Spiritual growth happens best. In the words of my pastor, “they are where the New Testament church really becomes the church.”

If small groups are where we grow Spiritually, then they are likewise where Christ-centered relationships grow. In this way, they are where unity is both preserved and strengthened.

It seems a little ironic, doesn’t it, that a critical element to unity in the church is our dividing ourselves up into small groups meeting separately from one another. But in this day of the mega-church, where such a large percentage of evangelical Christians around the world belong to a church of many hundreds or even thousands of people, small group ministries become the only realistic means of living in true Christian intimacy with other believers. It is the only way I can live in Biblically nurturing relationships of accountability and grace. I can attend gathered worship services every week for the rest of my life and experience wonderful praise and amazing teaching, but if I am not in relationships with other believers who know what is going on in my life and who will pray specifically for me and ask me the hard questions about those things, what chance do I really have of significant Spiritual growth?

So, if you are looking for a way to create a culture of unity in your church (or, frankly, any other culture which would require Spiritual growth in your people), start by considering your small group ministries. Are the people in your church somehow involved in small groups? Again, whether they be Sunday School classes or home cell groups or even support/recovery groups, are you offering plenty of opportunities for them to get “plugged in” in this way? It is more than just a good idea–it is critical.

© Blake Coffee

Permissions: You are permitted and encouraged to reproduce and distribute this material in any format provided that you do not alter the wording in any way and do not charge a fee beyond the cost of reproduction. For web posting, a link to this document on this website is preferred. Any exceptions to the above must be approved by Blake Coffee.

Please include the following statement on any distributed copy: © Blake Coffee. Website: churchwhisperer.com

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Tuesday Remix - This is a popular post from last year, updated and re-run.

I wish I had a dollar for every time a pastor or church leader has commented to me, “I’m all for unity, but at what cost?” It always makes me smile. I know what he or she means—that agreement with each other is a good thing, but not the most important thing. I can’t argue with that. But agreement and unity are not the same thing.

Unity is not about agreeing all the time, it is a state of the relationships among a group of people. Biblical unity is a right state of relationships among Christians. And this, I believe, is the highest priority in the church. I believe it is more important than any of the issues which divide us. I’ll explain below why I believe that.

What is at stake in this discussion is the value of Christian relationships. For most of the conflicts I see in the church today, the real heart of the matter is the relationships among the players. How much do these parties really value their on-going relationship? How interested are they in healing the broken relationship and what are they willing to sacrifice in order to do so? If you have ever been involved in marriage counseling, even informally, you have seen this at play. People talk about wanting reconciliation, but when it comes to making that happen, they often are not willing to do the things it requires, because (the truth is) they don’t really value that relationship that much. They would rather be right than be married. Or they would rather be free, or be any of a number of other good things, than be married. Unfortunately, that happens with relationships in the church as well. Lofty platitudes such as truth, justice, evangelism, education, or a host of others each become more important than Biblical relationships.

So now, back to the comment… “I’m all for unity, but at what cost?” If, by “unity” the person means the right state of relationships among Christians, then I think the answer is, “at pretty much any cost.” I think Jesus’ best illustration of this comes from His prayer in John 17. At a moment in time when He was envisioning the future of His church with all its problems and issues, He could have prayed to the Father for anything at all. He could have prayed for doctrinal purity. He could have prayed for hearts to be broken for the lost. He could have prayed for solid Christian education. All of those things seem important enough. But He did not pray for any of them. He prayed for unity. First and foremost, that was what was on his mind.

I interpret that as a prioritization on Jesus’ part. I think Jesus would say to us that we MUST value our relationships with one another as the highest value in the church, and we must from time to time be willing to make sacrifices of other important values in order to preserve the unity of the Spirit. I think Jesus would say, “Unity at all costs.” Not necessarily agreement. But unity.

I plan to spend the rest of my life here on earth (or as much of it as God will allow) figuring out what exactly that means.

© Blake Coffee

Permissions: You are permitted and encouraged to reproduce and distribute this material in any format provided that you do not alter the wording in any way and do not charge a fee beyond the cost of reproduction. For web posting, a link to this document on this website is preferred. Any exceptions to the above must be approved by Blake Coffee.

Please include the following statement on any distributed copy: © Blake Coffee. Website: churchwhisperer.com